


Sleeping Beauty

by dizbil



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Priests, Underage Sex, child prostitution, cross dressing, priest!jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-28 17:16:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 49,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/676907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizbil/pseuds/dizbil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Standing alone in the church, his church in some kind of way, Jared can not help but be happy and feel safe. However, Chad, one of the local kids, warns him. This town is not like any other and it's more messed up that he had imagined, he just has to check to local bar. Jared's only mistake, because too soon, he finds himself attracted to a little boy with green eyes not knowing it will cost him a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jared was smiling, he couldn't help but to. He knew the feeling was absolutely ridiculous and he shouldn't be feeling like this, but standing here in the middle of the empty church with the light piercing through the widows, he did smile.  
  
Standing here made him feel safe, happy and protected. Ever since he was nine years old Jared had had this feeling in his chest every single time he walked into a church. It was the main reason why he became a priest.  
  
He remembered how most of the kids of his age had been absolutely bored to death and found his silly addiction weird, but Jared fell in love with every single church at that age. He was seeing a place that brought him closer to  _Him_ , and closer to every single person. Jared's smile grew bigger as he slid his hands into his jean pockets. He wasn't wearing his clerical black and white garb at the moment. He was dressed casually, plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, showing his big arms and he was even wearing a pair of Converses. One might say it was hard to believe that Jared was indeed a priest.  
  
In fact, people had a lot of trouble believing him when he answered the "so what do you do for a living?" question, not to mention the fact that Jared was young for a priest, only twenty eight. Sometimes he looked even younger with his huge and comforting smile showing his dimples and his long brown hair falling down on his face. But this time was going to be very different, this time Jared was in a brand new town, away from his parents and his whole family and this church wasn't any church. It was  _his_. And it was frightening and exciting at the same time, but Jared knew deep down he could do it, otherwise, bishop Pellegrino wouldn't have given him such a big responsibility.  
  
"Hey  _padre_ … where the fuck do I put this?"  
  
Jared winced a little bit at the noise and more importantly the cursing, before he turned around to the source of the sounds, chuckling a bit when his gaze dropped on Chad, a scruffy teenager whose mother had basically thrown him at Jared as a ‘helping hand’. He was currently carrying a few boxes, with an intense look of concentration on his face. Jared didn't wait any longer and grabbed one of the boxes, helping him. He knew why Mrs Murray had "landed" her son on him, Chad was always saying what he was thinking (and yes, he did have a big mouth and an opinion about everything) but mainly Jared knew it was about the piercing on his left eyebrow and the one on his lower lip and the tattoo he was planning on getting.  
  
He had told Jared all about it while they were cleaning the place. Chad wasn't a bad kid, Jared knew how it worked: he was only seventeen and he liked to provoke his parents a lot, especially his mother who was always overreacting.  
  
"Man this is fucking heavy… And I'm not even getting paid or anything!" complained the boy, following Jared to his office.  
  
Jared rolled his eyes before he replied. "If that's any consolation, I'm not either."  
  
"Dude shut up… You're gonna get like, a fucking palace once you die and go to heaven, so really… Shut up."  
  
Jared couldn't help but laugh, more than amused by Chad's logic. "Okay you can put those here…"  
  
"Finally!" Chad dumped the boxes and stretched with a smug smile.  
  
"Well thanks for helping me."  
  
"Yeah whatever  _padre_ …"  
  
"No I mean it Chad and you could do something else for me too…"  
  
Jared did his best to not laugh at Chad's face as he was glaring at him. "Don't look at me like that... It's nothing. Could you just… Maybe try to tone it down with the swearing? And talk to your mum nicely."  
  
"Dude really? Really?" Chad looked at Jared for a second before he burst out laughing. Jared blinked a few times, wondering what was so funny.  
  
"Oh padre, you think I'm the rough-neck around here. Lemme tell you a thing or two about this town, I am the sweet kid here, trust me, the innocent one, yeah that’s me. Do you have any idea of what you just stepped into? ‘Cause I don't think so."  
  
Jared didn't know how to respond and he was more than intrigued by Chad's words, even more because the boy seemed more than serious about all this, like he wanted Jared to just pack everything up and get out of here. Chad rolled his eyes at him once more before he picked up a pen of Jared's desk and a piece of paper, he wrote an address very quickly before handing it to Jared.  
  
"Go there. Tonight. Have a full tour, don't worry everything is free for new customers."  
  
"I don't…" Jared was about to argue because he didn't drink. The last time he had tried something alcoholic, he was fifteen and it was because some kids had managed to sneak in a few beers into their bible camp.  
  
Anyway, Jared wasn't allowed to and he didn't feel the desire at all. However, Chad interrupted him, frowning. "Seriously, just go there once and then we'll see if you still want to stay here. If you do... well. Then I promise I'll be a perfect Christian; I’ll come to church every Sunday. Hell, I'll even do some extra churching for you… Deal?"  
  
Jared bit down his lip, looking down at the piece of paper. Well… Just a few hours couldn't kill him, right?  
  
"Deal."  
  
→  
  
Jared was nervous and he realized it as he struggled to close the button of his shirt, ready to head to the bar and keep the promise he made to Chad. It was ridiculous, he had absolutely nothing to lose. Maybe it was just something kids around here did, just a stupid bet to see if Jared was game or not. Well he was… With one last glance at himself, Jared finally left the church, closing everything behind him. Yes, he was going to live there. There was a small room just enough to fit a bed that was Jared's size, which meant quite big, a desk and a closet, not to mention the very small bathroom. But Jared really didn't need anything else, as long as he could hide his bible underneath his pillow, everything was fine by him.  
  
Jared climbed inside the car with ease, driving fast, once again, not his car. It belonged to the Bishop who had insisted on giving it to Jared. He was a nice man and he had always been there for Jared, especially when the teenager he once had been had decided to make the religion the most important thing in his life, against his parents' will. They saw him as a doctor or a teacher, they knew he had always wanted to help people but they just didn't see him as a priest. Jared had to sigh as he remembered his mother's face as he finally told her what he wanted to do with his life.  
  
Anyway, no need to think about it now, especially when he finally arrived at the address Chad had given him. It looked normal; it was an empty street, well almost empty, Jared realized as he spot a door lit in a hallway. Okay, well he was here. He parked a few feet away and he went the rest of the way on foot, unsure about everything as he made his way to the mysterious door.  
  
In front of it stood a woman, tall blonde, all dressed in black from the short black dress to the heels with a notepad in her hands, and Jared couldn't help the slight blush to his face. He wasn't used to facing young beautiful women. He was used to mothers, women who only cared about the well being of their children or husband.  
  
The woman in front of him just licked her lips looking straight into Jared's eyes before she finally broke the silence. "Never seen you before… New customer hmm?" Jared just nodded, not feeling comfortable at all, and he wasn't even inside. "Well big boy, it's free for new customers… So I'm Katie and I will be … the little angel on your shoulder tonight, anything you want, you ask me and you don't get out of my sight before I say so, understood?" Another nod and Katie had a bright smile on her face. "Good, now let's go."  
  
She winked at Jared before she finally opened the door and stepped inside without any hesitation. It seemed Jared was supposed to follow her… He took a deep breath and stepped inside.  
  
He was quite relieved once he was inside at first, as they walked down a long hallway with black walls, light filters, whispers coming to Jared's ears and the echo of hidden conversations. Before Jared had a chance to realize what was truly happening, Katie was opening another door. "Welcome to heaven." whispered the blonde, a tone of evident pride in her voice. Jared should have corrected her, after all, she wasn't supposed to speak about heaven in such terms but he was frozen on the door step, mesmerized, fascinated and ashamed of what he had in front of his eyes.  
  
The scene in front of his eyes was one of those moments a mad artist possessed by some dark thoughts and beauty could have painted : men and women, sitting, chatting, drinking, smoking cigars and leaning back in their chairs, looking so carefree and alive while the waitresses were making their way pass them all. They were all women and all dressed with some fancy underwear Jared would have been unable to name, he had never seen so much skin in his life nor had he seen so much beauty.  
  
The natural curve of their breasts was enhanced by the white bra they all wore, pink nipples well visible behind the thin layer of fabric. The small corsets they had around their waists made their hips look opened and ready to welcome anyway man and the lace cords closing it were gently falling down, following the curvets of their ass and…  
  
Jared blushed, closing his eyes, his heart beating fast. He wasn't allowed to... To all of this. This was wrong on every level. But the others customers didn't seem to notice, in their world, it was normal to be confronted to such beauty.  
  
"So big boy, you're just gonna stand there or what… come on!"  
  
Katie's words made Jared's body shiver and if his mouth wasn't so dry and his hands shaking he might have consider running away but he didn't. He let Katie grab him by the arm and pull him into the middle of  _this_ … Into the middle of all this temptation and Jared wished he didn't whimper when he passed close to one waitress, but he did, his weakness more than clear. He felt naked and overwhelmed by the smell of perfume mixed with the strong aroma of cigars muddling his thoughts making him dizzy, so dizzy in fact, that he grabbed the drink Katie was offering him and took one long sip.  
  
Alcohol, he was completely unable to name which one it was but it had zero importance, the only thing that mattered was that when his glass was empty, a waitress leaned into him to refill it and Jared's eyes ended on the curves of her neck. Focused on her collarbone and how badly he wanted to touch, to see for himself if these women were real or not.  
  
Jared managed to keep it together by biting his lower lip, even if deep inside his curiosity was burning like a vivid fire and he wanted to cool it, he wanted to touch. "Wait for me here." whispered Katie right into his ear. "I need to see if it's okay to let you see more." More? There was more?  
  
Jared was probably going to die right there and go to hell. And he actually had to close his eyes for a few minutes, to calm himself down. He mentally recited the Our Father in his head trying to calm down,  _‘Our father who art in heaven, hallowed by the name. Thy King…’_  But Jared couldn't. He couldn't even do it and he opened his eyes again, the reality of the moment silently sinking in.  
  
Watching was bad enough, he knew that, and yet, he couldn't tear his eyes away from the soft curves and the hard lines of fine bone structures. And Katie really seemed like an angel rescuing him, telling him to follow her again. Another hallway and Jared was glad. He was suddenly glad for the quiet and the semi-darkness. "I think you are a little overwhelmed, right?" If Jared would have been able to laugh he would have, instead he just nodded, and really, he didn't expect Katie to smirk at him. "That was just the entrée… Let's see some more…" Jared's body seemed to respond on his own as a pure wave of raging power passed through him.  
  
If Jared had known his own body better he would have known this was want, pure and passionate want. But it had been too long since Jared had dared to look at that part of himself, he knew how deeply wrong it was. Another door opened and Jared was surprised to see more light in this one and a few seconds later he realized why. "Since it's your first time, you get to pick one and… enjoy yourself. I'll let you choose."  
  
Windows, displays at both sides of the hallway, inside of them mostly women, even more beautiful and tempting than the previous ones, even more naked. So much skin and Jared moaned slightly as he saw their breasts. So full and so beautiful. The women weren't moving, just standing there, for Jared to choose and to…  _enjoy himself_.  
  
The first one had a very pale skin and was wearing nothing more than a blue skirt, sitting on the chair with her legs spread open. The second one was taller and on all fours on the bed, her ass a very clear invitation and Jared tore his eyes away, face red and his eyes fell on the next widow. And what he saw was just …  _beautiful_.  
  
Vivid green eyes were staring up at him, the green so clear and so alive that Jared felt like he was seeing the color for the first time. They belonged to a very small boy with a white creamy skin, freckles all over his cheeks and on his neck and… Jared, not quite able to breathe anymore, tried to touch but his hand ended on the widow, but right now, he had never wanted anything so much in his whole life. The boy was so small, and yet his lips were plush and red, slightly parted, clearly calling for Jared, eyes pleading, blond sandy hair framing his face making him look like an angel.  
  
Yes, an angel wearing nothing but a black corset, with hands tied too both ends of the bed where he was laying. Jared's eyes lingered everywhere, trying to catch a glimpse of every angle, how his hairless cock looked so un-touched, so pure, how the corset and the knot of the white rope were already making red tiny marks on his skin, how red his lips looked…  
  
The boy moved, tilting his head slightly to one side, looking more than innocent, eyes piercing through Jared. Like he was able to read him and decide for the both of them. Want. Jared wanted him. "I…"  
  
Jared heard a chuckle behind him, but he didn't want to tear his eyes away from the boy, still not sure if he was real or just a trick of his mind. "I think you made your choice clear big boy."  
  
→  
  
Jared's hands were sweaty and he rubbed them on his jeans, pausing a moment after noticing how hard they were shaking. This was wrong. He shouldn't be here. And yet, he had let Katie dragged him to another room with the promise of seeing the boy there. But Jared was alone, sitting on a chair too big for him, feeling sick and happy at the same time. He didn't know what to think anymore and one look at this boy, this angel, had him lost forever. He looked around the room, nothing to distract him or comfort him, just the reminder of green eyes inside his mind, a small and probably untouched body, slowly torturing him.  
  
His mouth was dry and when something finally moved in the room, Jared jumped. He looked for the source of the noise and soon realized that the wall right in front of him was moving, it was sliding away to reveal another side of the room, another universe. And slowly, inch by inch, Jared realized that the boy was coming to him. He was still in the same position, like he hadn't moved, length of rope still around his wrists, keeping him still as he stared into the void. As the wall finally stop moving, the room silent again, the boy looked almost doll-like and Jared felt as if he were intruding on him inside his small toy box.  
  
The boy moved his head, still so slowly, so gently like every move was costing him a lot and like he was about to break, that impression only making Jared's urge to rush by his side even more urgent, and his eyes landed on Jared. Jared didn't know why, but he stood up, so afraid and still so needy, so desperate to touch and count down the freckles on his skin, see closer the marks left by the clamping of the corset.  
  
And the boy smiled, the expression lightening up his whole face, his small, innocent childish face. Because he wasn't a doll for Jared to play with. He was just a child.  
  
"Would you care to untie me?"  
  
Soft voice, barely lower than a whisper that stopped Jared right there, lust taking over him as he put one hand on his mouth, keeping his moan and his desire for himself. Because the sight of the boy didn't let his body indifferent, his own skin seemed on fire and the small voice had awoken something primal within him. Jared was so hard trapped in the confines of his pants it was painful. His cock strained against the front of his jeans, forming a bump more than visible. He couldn't deny it. It was right there, his own body betraying what he wanted.  
  
The small boy tied up on the bed, ready to please him.  
  
So Jared did the only thing he could do, what he had to do. He ran away as fast as he could, not praying to thank God this time but praying to never see those green eyes again. They were temptation, his own private hell.  
  
The boy's lips and his creamy skin. Yes, his own private hell.  
  
→


	2. Chapter 2

  
"Well  _padre_ … You look like shit."  
  
In other circumstances, Jared might have been offended by Chad's cursing, correct him or at least say something, but he didn't, Jared just shrugged and went on with what he was doing. Which was clearing the grass, right outside the church, pulling out weeds that he wanted to replace with something else. Roses maybe, just to improve the way to the church.  
  
Jared had been at it since 8 am in the morning, the sweat on his forehead and the mud on his shirt and his pants the proof of it, the sun was high in the sky now but he wasn't planning on stopping, even refusing to listen to the noise his own stomach was making, reminding Jared that he needed to eat. But Jared didn't want to listen to his body anymore, this treacherous thing that had led him to temptation last night, close to the boy and close to perfection.  
  
Jared paused his movement for a few seconds, before pulling the weeds with more ferocity, on his fours on the grass. He would not give in, not a second time, not another time. Jared just had to remain strong, last night he had stumbled back to his tiny bedroom with the feeling that the Lord himself was watching over him, whispering the right and terrible truth deep inside his ear. He shouldn't want the boy, this was wrong, he shouldn't crave for him and he shouldn't be ready to worship him as much as he did worship God.  
  
And Jared went to the bathroom with tears at the corner of his eyes, cold water against his skin as he didn't touch himself. He barely slept that night, green eyes and beautiful smile waking him up every time he tried to dare sleeping. No, no sleep for the sinner, it will be Jared's punishment.  
  
"Hmmm… That bad?" Chad said finally. He was watching Jared's with a deep frown on his face. "So I guess you’ll be leaving soon… Want me to help you pack up? Promise I'll do it for free and without complaining this time."  
  
At those words, Jared turned his gaze to Chad, his turn to frown now. "I'm not leaving the town."  
  
"You're… The fuck do you mean you're not leaving the town? You saw the place! It's a mess."  
  
"Yeah I know… This is exactly why I have to stay." Jared explained calmly as he stood up, wiping away the sweat from his forehead, a hint of a smile on his face in front of Chad's obviously surprised one.  
  
Jared had thought of leaving all this and never coming back, after all, it would be easier for him, but he couldn't do that, because that wasn't him. Jared wasn't selfish and he was a priest, he was here to help people and maybe the Bishop knew all about this when he sent him here, maybe all of this was a test… One way or another, Jared would find a solution and end all of this, he was sure of it.  
  
After a few minutes of staring at him Chad chuckled. "So you're think you're just gonna  _save_  us all… man I really want to see this."  
"I don't think save is the right word… but I'm going to try to do something… I mean, someone must have tried before, right?"  
  
Chad laughed again but this time, it was cold and dry, his eyes lingered on Jared. He shook his head before he grabbed a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, sliding one between his two lips, the lighter came as easily and Jared watched as the young boy inhaled, releasing some smoke into the air. "I don't think you quite understand what is going on here,  _padre._  Everyone is involved, the cops, the mayor… Hell I bet he was there last night when you hit the bar yourself… That's just the way things are here. There's nothing you can do about it."  
  
"Chad I…" Jared tried to touch the boy, grab his shoulder or something, but he stiffened, pulling away from Jared's reach, glaring at him. But Jared could see that despite all his acting and his perkiness, Chad did care, a lot, otherwise, he probably wouldn't have helped Jared in the first place.  
  
"Well… I'm going to try. At least I'll know I did something. I cannot just stand there and close my eyes like everybody else."  
  
"Yeah you do that… but you're on your own on this one, I hope you realize that." With one last glance, Chad left, feet dragging, and hands in his pocket. Jared sighed, watching as the boy was leaving.  
  
He was wrong. Jared looked up to the sky and smiled slightly.  
No, he wasn't alone.  
  
→  
  
Jared spent the entire day trying to figure out what to do, and pondering Chad's words. If, like the boy had said, everyone in town was corrupted, Jared couldn't just go to the police and make the joint close. Nor could he go to the Bishop, he would first have to admit his own failure out loud. And it wasn't something Jared was prepared to do. No, like he said to Chad, he had to try. So he waited, he waited until it was dark and the hours seemed to drag pretty slowly.  
  
Even if he had a few visitors to the church in the afternoon, Chad's mother apologizing again for her son's behavior, a couple looking forward the opportunity to get married there and a young woman, Genevieve or something like that, that had brought cookies to Jared, her way of saying welcome to Jared. And to everyone one of them, Jared had offered his best smile, biting down the urge to yell and ask them if they knew and if they did why they choose to look the other way.  
  
It was wrong, prostitution, not to mention child prostitution, was wrong on every kind of level and anybody could see that. And  _yes_ , Jared could understand that one could be highly tempted by someone's eyes, especially if they were green, but it was beside the point. The clocked showed midnight when Jared started moving on his bed. He wasn't really asleep, nor was he really awake, he rubbed one hand over his eyes, grabbing his car keys and leaving the church once more.  
  
This time, he had decided to keep on his clerical clothing. This was just another part of who he was and Jared felt more at ease between the dark layers and the white garb and the first time he had worn it, he had thought that this particular piece of clothing suited him more than anything else. And, if Jared was really being honest with himself, it was also to protect him against the taunting look of the boy, because Jared was a man who promised to serve God only and the little boy even if he did look like an angel, wasn't one. He just couldn't be.  
  
On that thought, Jared started the engine and headed downtown. The drive was fast, probably faster than he thought it would be and his heart started pounding in his chest a little bit louder when he saw the particular light at the end of the hallway. That was it, Jared told himself, he was going to try. And just like the other night, he was welcomed by Katie, wearing another black dress and Jared briefly wondered if she did wear other colours. Was  _this_  her regular job? What was she doing once the joint was closed and the sun started rising?  
  
Jared wished he could ask all of those questions out loud but he did have the feeling the woman might not want to answer to any of them. After all, what even guaranteed Jared that Katie was her real name? She could be anyone.  
  
"So back again aren't we?"  
  
"Yes I guess so… "  
  
"And your voice is back. Nice. So is the… are you a real priest or you're just into cross dressing a lot?"  
  
"… What is  _cross dressing_  exactly?" She laughed, honest and brilliant and even if Jared didn't see why (he truly had no idea of what she was talking about) but he was glad she opened the door.  
  
"And just for that answer, it's free for you tonight. Let's just say I'm in a very good mood, and you might even see me in church this Sunday."  
  
"Well I would be glad to have you Katie… " Jared replied with a smile, forgetting for a moment where he was but the door was opened, he just had to go inside and pray to remain on God's side this time. "Listen Katie, I wanted to ask you a favour…" She raised her eyebrow, one hand on her hips and Jared could tell she was used to deal with "difficult" customer.  
  
"I was just wondering if… you know if it was possible to see the boy again…"  
  
"Hmm… Well, since you're a man of church and everything… I think it's going to be possible, but don't tell anyone okay?"  
  
Jared just nodded and he followed her inside. And he was glad they didn't go to the main room tonight cause he was sure his new confidence would have faded away.  
  
"Wait here." were Katie's last words as she opened another door.  
  
And just like the previous night, Jared was left on his own in a bedroom and he sat down on a chair, near to the bed. But he wasn't as nervous as before, or was he? No, this time, it was different, he was the one in control and he was going to ask some questions to the boy and hope he could save this poor soul.  
  
Well his and the boy's in the same process, it was the only way he knew he would be able to find some sleep tonight. It was the only way to set things right. And this time when the door opened, Jared was prepared, he turned his gaze just in time to see Katie stepping inside, holding a small hand. The boy's hand. And just like last night, Jared's breath got caught in his throat as he saw the kid. He was wearing more clothing than before but it was him, no doubt of it when he saw those particular green eyes looking up at him, and damn, he was so small…  
  
So small and his skin was so pale, and yes, he had the face of an angel, but Jared knew angel didn't wear beige little dress showing their knees and their tiny legs, nor did they wear a blond wig on the top of their head or lipstick.  
  
"You have thirty minutes, don't waste them this time."  
  
Jared barely noticed Katie leaving the room when the boy smiled at him, apparently pleased to see him. Jared frowned as he looked at the wig, the hair was cut very short but that blond was too shiny to be his and… was he wearing heels too? Jared took a deep breath, the little boy was indeed a living sin. But Jared would not fall this time. He cleared his throat, probably gathering some courage before he spoke.  
  
"Hi I'm…"  
  
"Are you a real priest?" interrupted the boy. His voice seemed different, still soft, still like a caress against Jared's skin, but there was something else in his tone and Jared blushed slightly when the boy smirked up at him, freckles well visible on both side of his cheeks.  
  
"Y-yeah… I mean  _yes_ , I'm a real priest."  
  
"What shall I call you now… Father?"  
  
As he said the words, the boy took one step toward Jared as that later realized that he was in a vulnerable position. He should have stood up and try to make the boy talk, confess, but he didn't, he remained still on seat, feeling sweat rolling down his spine, all his senses and nerves on the edge as the little boy was heading closer. Closer and closer he seemed more real than ever and so was Jared's lust and want, want to press his lips against the boy's and smear away the lipstick he had over there and see for himself that sweet innocent mouth.  
  
Well, maybe not that innocent, Jared thought as the boy rested his hands on both arms of the chair, leaning close to Jared, until he could actually feel his breath against his skin. Jared's heavy breathing was the only sound in the room as they stared at each other, vivid green eyes on him, waiting for answer, little mouth curved into the hint of a smile, small body standing gracefully. And for a moment, for a brief moment, Jared's eyes travelled up and down that body, taking in the small waist of the boy, even smaller probably inside that dress and how easily he would be for him to wrap one firm arm around him, press all his beauty against himself, kiss him and have it all for himself.  
  
Jared closed his eyes for a moment, self control slowly breaking. When he opened them, the boy hadn't move and he asked himself what made the boy that way. In that particular way that he would always wait for a answer, that semi look of despair on his face, like he needed the answer Jared could provide so badly that he couldn't live without it. Who? Who had dared twist that level of perfection, cover him with makeup and… make him parade among mortals when he obviously belonged somewhere else.  
  
"You can… You can just call me Jared." He managed to whisper and he was rewarded by another smile, the boy's whole face lightening up.  
  
"Jared… Hmmm… Jared." It seemed like he was tasting his name, making it roll sensually on his tongue and Jared fought the urge to moan, or worse, go on his knees to respond to a little boy's calls.  
  
"I like it." He finally declared, grinning wide, as he leaned to pressed his face even closer to Jared's. But Jared pulled away, leaning back against the back of the chair, it didn't stop the boy and Jared swore he heard him chuckle before he moved again, hands gently sliding all along Jared's legs to find the inside of his thighs. And that simple touch had Jared bolt on his seat, a yelp escaping him, pure wave of…  _something_ , rushing through his system.  
  
Just a simple touch, the most innocent touch, the boy looking at him, judging his reaction. No. Jared tried his best as he put his own hands on the boy. His next mistake, his skin was so smooth, and his hands so little against Jared's, so little he wanted to kiss them and do nothing more for days.  
  
"And you…" Jared whispered again. "What should I call you?"  
  
"Whatever you want to call me Jared."  
  
The sweet words were so real and Jared was surprised by them and by the way the boy easily wrapped his arms around his neck, bringing their faces closer, his strong scent invading Jared's space. Whatever it was, it was surely the smell of an angel, and his little angel moved again, pressing his body against Jared's chest, their clothing rubbing as he leaned to whisper right into Jared's ear.  
  
"Want to know my real name?"  
  
"Yes…"  
  
"Well I'll tell you if… "  
  
The boy left Jared hanging there, his mouth ghosting against Jared's skin, the man losing control, control of himself, of his true goals for tonight. But none of that mattered as the boy smiled at him, grinding himself once more against Jared's, his small frame and his clothing making all of this wrong, on every level.  
  
"If you let me kiss you."  
  
"Wh-what?"  
  
Jared was unprepared, for this simple request, for the boy's next movements, so unprepared he didn't react when the boy straddled his lap, skin brushing against Jared's black clothing, his ass resting against his crotch. The boy grabbed his hands and he aimed them underneath his skirt, allowing Jared to squeeze his ass, letting him feel that he wasn't any underwear. Nothing under there, just smooth creamy white skin.  
  
"Oh my.."  
  
"God? no that would be bad"  
  
Bad. He was going to touch...what was wrong and what was right? It was probably a good idea because Jared didn't know anymore, he had his lap full of the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life and when the boy grabbed his big palms again to let him touch his body, tracing the outline of the thin dress, Jared moaned, feeling dizzy and so hard in his own pants.  
  
"Can I kiss you?" Such an innocent request and an innocent smile, but wicked hands, fingers still guiding Jared's, showing him what a good boy he could be, how pliant his body would be underneath Jared's touches. Jared just nodded vigorously, the moment so intense, he didn't want to talk. He couldn't talk.  
  
"Good."  
  
The boy pulled him by the hair, the pain so good Jared actually growled, just before he sealed their lips together. And at first, Jared was lost into the sensations, not used to feel someone that close against him, he didn't know what lips should taste like. It was his first kiss. It was his first kiss and it began with a gentle touch, the boy just rubbed his lips against Jared.   
  
Jared moaned, his body needing more and the boy smiled gently before he licked Jared's upper lip, hot tongue against Jared's cold skin. Jared shivered, his hands moving on their own finding the boy's hips. And finally he got a reaction from him, the little boy moaned softly, the sound so intense, it seemed to touch Jared deep inside. And he seemed to want more too because he captured Jared's mouth again, this time slipping his tongue into Jared's parted lips, their tongues slowly meeting and sliding against each other.  
  
Jared was dazzled by this wet and passionate touch, he let the boy explore his mouth, small hands on his jaw as he deepened the kiss. Jared made a sound, swallowed by the other's tongue and he kissed him back, years of need and desire suddenly unleashed. And suddenly, the kiss wasn't so gentle, it was far from it actually as Jared's hands moved again, squeezing the boy's ass once more and securing him on his crotch, tongue and mouth moving eagerly never getting tired of the taste. Of that sweet taste, lipstick getting in the middle of the way, the fake hair brushing Jared's face as the boy started grinding down against him, naked skin meeting his hard on trapped in his pants.  
  
And when he moved his hips again, Jared's hands were right there, on his ass, helping the boy move up and down, bringing them both that friction that Jared discovered he so desperately needed, more than anything else, and those lips… "Jensen." whispered the boy, parting briefly for air, Jared's mouth sucking down his collarbone. "Call me Jensen and… oh fuck, don't stop, please… _Jared._ " Those pleadings were leaving Jensen's mouth and Jared wanted Jensen to say his name over and over again.  
  
 _Begging and squirming on his lap, his beautiful little angel gently falling down..._  
  
Jared was seeing that, and more, and he was so close of breaking himself, Jensen's kisses so deep and his tongue seemed to be feeding him poison, a poison that would led him into hell, that and the boy's hips. So close to a release he should never have, so close to Jensen that Jared didn't notice as the door opened once more, Katie stepping in once more. He only did notice when Jensen broke their embrace, leaning to kiss him one more time, more chastely before he was out of his grasp, brushing his clothing and smile on his face.  
  
No. Jared suddenly felt cold and empty and he stood up ready to take the boy home and have him for himself. But Jensen's smile stopped him right there, as he was taking Katie's hands declaring "I like him." before he turned around, winking at the priest.  
  
"Goodbye Jared."  
  
And just like that, the door closed, Jared once more alone. Alone, harder than ever in his black pants, on the verge of coming.  
  
Alone and already a sinner.  
  
→


	3. Chapter 3

It was Sunday and the church was full, with what was probably the whole town staring up at Jared. It was a beautiful day, clear blue sky with the sun shining above them, and yet, the smile on Jared's face was fake and for the first time in his entire life, he felt nauseous standing in the church, ill-at-ease in his vestments in front of so many people.  
  
Jared wasn't different from any of them now. He was just like the rest of them, smiling on the outside, but inside, inside was hiding all of his sins, inside was his own want, his own desire. And Jared would never have thought that his body would be able to betray him like that, never. Just like he never thought that he would go down that road: wanting someone.  
  
Wanting someone so badly, he could feel the ache and the need deep in his chest, because he was missing that person. Even if he knew it was wrong, the wrongness and the dirtiness of the situation didn't seem to calm down his own body, the emptiness and the ache still right there, right there in his insides. Because it seemed that Jensen, with the most simple touches, had set his body on fire, had managed to crawl right beneath his skin and make Jared addicted to everything he truly was. And there was no going back it seemed, not now, not ever.  
  
So here he was, standing in front of the whole town, not at all ready to make his first sermon. The silence in the church was a thick and heavy one and if usually, Jared found it comforting, now it was excruciating and he wished someone else could speak for him. He spotted Chad in a row, a smirk on his face as he was sitting next to his mother, the boy even dared to give him a thumbs up and Jared rolled his eyes, looking back to this bible. Okay, deep breath, he could do this, it wasn't his first mass and he was still the same Jared. Yes, he had made a mistake few nights ago, but it was going to be okay.  
  
Just as he managed to convince himself of that, the door of the church opened once more, the sound loud and clear into the silence. A few head turned and Jared looked up to see the new comers and he felt both of his cheeks go dark red when he saw Katie stepping inside, she looked absolutely beautiful, wearing a sunflower dress with high black socks and matching boots. And just like before, she was holding someone's hand. Jensen's hand.  
  
And for once, Jensen looked just like the little boy he should be, green eyes shining and sandy blond hair messy on the top of his head, and he practically dragged Katie in the front row, smile on his face as the black tie he was wearing swayed with his movement.  
  
White shirt and grey shirt, yes, for once, Jensen looked like the most innocent boy in the world, sitting himself down in front row, eyes on Jared. Jared cleared his throat. It wasn't going to be easy.  
  
→  
  
Jensen's eyes were burning his skin.  
  
Literally, the boy had looked at him and only him while he was talking, not blinking even once. He didn't even react when Katie whispered something to his ear, too busy drinking Jared's words it seemed. Except that Jared didn't know what was going inside his head it was scaring him in a whole new level. Jensen was just a kid and yet he seemed to have so much power over Jared, it was unfair.  
  
Unfair that he was able to break him like that, just by a simple gaze, a simple smile and he seemed so innocent about it, like he didn't care. Just like right now, everyone was leaving the church, and he just stood there, Katie was talking to him but he didn't seem to be listening, he was too busy staring up at Jared. Jared sighed, he couldn't avoid him forever, that would be rude and totally impolite. And yes, Jared realized as he was coming towards the boy, hands shaking, it was a lame excuse but it was the best he could do right now.  
  
Especially with those burning eyes staring up at him this particular way.  
  
"Hello Jensen." he said when he was at a comfortable distance, close enough to count the freckles on Jensen's cheeks but not enough to touch. The right and safe distance. Jensen smiled, wide opened and absolutely beautiful and Jared, who happened to still be holding his bible, gripped it a little bit tighter.  
  
"Hello Jared… You remembered my name."  
  
"Of course I did… Trust me Jensen you're not someone I’d forget easily."  
  
"Oh… and is that a bad thing?" The question was asked with so much innocence and naiveté that Jared couldn't help but wonder if it was the same little boy he had many nights before, squirming and moaning on his lap, kissing him with more passion than he had never experienced in his entire life.  
  
Jared opened his mouth to reply but that was before Katie cleared her throat. Jared had forgotten the young woman’s presence and he looked up to her, slightly disappointed that he had to tear his gaze away from Jensen, but he met her smile and her knowing look.  
  
"Oh don't mind me, just wanted to say hi… you should thank Jensen, it's because of him that we are here, he wouldn't shut up about you this morning and as you can see he basically dragged me here."  
  
Jared's eyes landed back on Jensen, seeing the boy rolling his eyes at Katie. It was a cute gesture and Jared couldn't help but chuckle.  
  
"You're only saying that because I woke you up…"  
  
"Damn straight you did. Some of us need our beauty sleep Jensen."  
  
"… But I sleep well Katie, thanks for asking."  
  
For a few seconds, Jensen's smirk was back in place and Katie ruffled his hair smiling too.  
  
"See what I put up with Jared? Anyway, take care of him for a few minutes will you? I need to check on something."  
  
With those simple words, Katie disappeared into the rest of the crowd, leaving the church. Leaving Jared and Jensen alone. Jared breathed deeply, swallowing as he looked at Jensen again. The boy wasn't staring anymore, too busy looking around.  
  
"This place is really beautiful." he whispered. The quiet words brought a slight smile to Jared's face. Compared to Jensen, the beauty of this place was nothing, even Jared could see that. Still, he could read Jensen's awe on his face.  
  
"You've never been to a church before?" Jared asked with a frown.  
  
"No. I mean… I didn't think it would be…" Jensen shook his head and he bit down his lower lip, slight blush on his face. Yes, he was blushing and Jared couldn't stop thinking that it was the hottest thing he had ever seen. Yes, hot, the crimson color suited Jensen's perfectly, in a way that no make-up could do, showing even more freckles on his skin.  
  
"It's okay Jensen… I'm not here to judge you, you know that right?" Jared was sincere and when Jensen looked up to him, he looked as though he didn't believe him. Jared wished he could say something that would wipe this look away but Jensen was absolutely unpredictable, his expression changing from a open smile to that special smirk of his to finally this completely innocent expression he had on right now, looking like the little boy that he was.  
  
Jensen finally sighed, smiling slightly.  
  
"I know… Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Where do you sleep? Do priests have a house?"  
  
Jared laughed a little bit before he answered, "Well … the church is kind of my home too but I do have my own bedroom here."  
  
"Really? Can I see it?" A tell-tale light appeared in Jensen's eyes. Jared could see it, just like he could see where all of this was headed… But who was he to deny anything to Jensen when he had that look on his face? No, Jared might be a sinner, but he wasn't cruel.  
  
"Sure just… let's go I'll show you."  
  
Every step Jared was taking towards his chamber, with Jensen close behind him, was him gently giving up and giving in to Jensen. And he was the one holding the bible in his hands… Jared was so unworthy. Yes he was, but his heart was beating so fast in his chest, he could hear it deep inside his ears and he could feel Jensen right behind him.  
  
So there was no stopping this, not now or ever. Jared just had the time to slightly push the door opened before Jensen was stepping inside, his eyes travelling around the room, smile till on his face.  
  
"I knew your bed would be huge… You're so tall."  
  
Jared blushed at the childish remark, trying desperately to get a hold of himself. Closing the door behind him was probably not the best idea he’d ever had, but damn him, he wasn't thinking right now. He wasn't thinking about where he was, what he was considering doing, no his whole body and soul was focused on the boy standing in the middle of his room, and how to please him, and how to have him. It was a terrifying thought, the one Jared wasn't allow to have and he put the bible on his brand new desk, before he turned to the boy, Jensen looking up at him.  
  
"So… this is where you live?"  
  
"Yes mostly."  
  
"You don't have a TV though…"  
  
"True. Do you have a TV in your home?"  
  
"I don't have a home."  
  
The words were said so casually, Jensen really didn’t look like he didn't care at all. But Jared found this simple truth rather sad. After all, Jensen was just a little boy. A little boy someone was obviously taking advantage of, but Jared needed to make sure that Jensen knew that what he did was wrong and yet, that it wasn't his fault.  
  
"Jensen you know you can…"  
  
Talk to me...  
  
It was the intended end of Jared's sentence, but that was before Jensen pushed slyly between his legs, watching him, licking his lips. Jared followed the movement with his eyes, how the pink tongue trailed saliva all over his plush lips, making them glisten and at that simple motion Jared couldn't help but spread his legs even wider, almost resting on the desk. Silently pleading Jensen to do as he pleased with his body, he would welcome it, yes, and he would take anything Jensen would give to him.  
  
Yes, Jensen seemed to have that much power over him or maybe Jared didn't have control anymore, the line was too thin with this little boy between his legs, too easy to cross. And Jared gasped when small hands found his zipper, undoing it slowly. He could still stop this, he could still stop him, Jensen was still looking at him right into his eyes, like it was so obvious that Jared was the one in control, that he just had to say the right words and Jensen would stop all of this.  
  
When Jensen's hands snuck inside his pants, fingers rubbing against the cotton of his underwear, Jared gasped again, arching into the touch as he pressed his legs wider. Whatever he might say, whatever doubts he might have had, they died right there, just because of Jensen’s small little touches.  
  
And Jensen smiled as he repeated the action, caressing his balls through the underwear, his nails digging into the skin. Jared moaned, loud and clear and there was no mistake he had felt pleasure and Jensen seemed to like the sound a lot, otherwise there was no reason for the boy to tug at Jared's pants and underwear and slide them down, far enough to free Jared's cock.  
  
Jared blinked a few times, fists clenching as he tried to convince himself that it was the real world. Not a sick fantasy. There really was an innocent, freckled face looking up at him, small pink mouth close to where he needed it the most. Jared would had never thought he needed such thing if it wasn't for Jensen and all of this sudden rush of desire was burning him, making his cheeks red and his breathing heavy, too much and too intense to feel. And yet, pleasurable, yes,  
  
Jared gasped again as the boy wrapped his small lips around the tip of his cock, hot and burning mouth against Jared's skin, little tongue lapping every centimetre of Jared's flesh.  
  
"Oh yes, Jensen…"  
  
Yes, the boy's name seemed so easy on his tongue, just like it was easy to throw his head back and scream and feel. Yes, feel. When was the last time Jared allowed himself to do so…Never.  
  
"Fuck…I… Jensen…"  
  
He wanted to scream and shout for the boy to keep going to never stop but Jensen didn't seem to be needing any instruction at all, slowly but gently he took Jared in his mouth, that particular light into his eyes, filling his own mouth with Jared's length, eager to please and like his whole life was depending on it.  
  
And Jared watched, actually fought to keep his eyes open, he watched completely fascinated as his cock slowly disappeared between those sinful lips, Jensen's tongue getting his taste every single time, tiny little moans escaping him, the sounds doing wonderful things to Jared. His whole body was shivering, he was sure both of his cheeks were red and he was sure he was going to die right there, something hot and raging was building up inside of him.  
  
And it exploded the precise moment Jared's cock hit the back of Jensen's throat and the man screamed, so loud and so clear, the sound had probably filled the whole church. And Jared didn't know what was that sudden force overtaking him, making him see black for a few moment, he didn't know he just had an orgasm and he just had came into Jensen's mouth, the boy swallowing his hot come like it was nothing. He didn't know the mechanics but he did understand that something had just happened, something he wasn't supposed to feel, to ever feel, and he wanted to say so, push Jensen away, hide behind his covers and cry but the boy's tongue was still right there, lapping and cleaning him.  
  
"Jensen…" he mumbled, body feeling too heavy, knees going weak, "Jensen…"  
  
Jared moaned again when Jensen finally pulled away, trail of come on the corner of his mouth. He wiped it with his tongue, quick and precise like it was nothing, looking up at Jared, breathing heavy too, smirk in place. Like that, he didn't look like an angel at all, or maybe a fallen one, yes, corrupted and perverted by men and here to haunt Jared.  
  
"Can we go out for ice cream?"  
  
And just like that. He was a little boy again.  
  
→  
  
The dinner was crowed but honestly, the only thing Jared did see was Jensen. Sat right in front of him, eating eagerly one of the biggest ice cream Jared had ever seen but it seemed like he couldn't refuse anything to Jensen, the boy had ordered it with that huge smile on his face. Katie wasn't there, she was waiting outside and Jared found that particularly odd. Jensen had just shrugged before basically dragging Jared outside, the priest still wearing his black clothing, contrasting with the crimson colour on both of his cheeks being the only reminder of their previous activities.  
  
Jared sighed, crossing his arms on his chest, still looking up at the boy eating. Jensen was totally unpredictable and sometimes it was hard to think it was the same boy he had in front of his eyes every single time. And Jared didn't know if he was acting on purpose or just randomly like any other child would have.  
  
"Here." Jensen dropped the spoon. "All done!"  
  
Jared chuckled. "You must have really wanted that ice cream."  
  
"Yeah… That and other things…" Jensen's eyes lingered a little bit too long on Jared before he smiled and started playing with his tie. Jared was looking at him, blush more than evident now, still not believing Jensen was for real, refusing to believe he was.  
  
"Jensen… How old are you?"  
  
"Twelve." he answered absently, still playing with his tie.  
  
It was worse than Jared thought, suspecting something was one thing, but knowing the truth was another. And knowing that Jensen was so young and Jared did nothing to stop him when he had… No. No need to think about that now.  
  
"And… hmm… where are your parents?" Jared didn't feel comfortable asking those things to Jensen.  
  
He just wished he had met Jensen in another situation, just like Chad, his mum had basically pushed him to Jared. Yes, it would have been so perfect, in another town, where Jensen's parent's were nice people with a regular job, going to church every Sunday, their little boy coming with them, sitting in the front row for other reasons and smiling at Jensen just because he was a good raised boy. But not in this story it seemed and at the question, Jensen stopped playing with his tie, looking at Jared, green eyes piercing him, no smile on his face.  
  
"They're dead, it happened a few years ago so…" Jensen shrugged like it was nothing and Jared wanted nothing more but to reach his small hand and told him it was okay, he didn't have to act all brave in front of him. But it seemed to be too late for that, Jensen's innocence was apparently something he was able to control and use whenever he wanted.  
  
"I'm so sorry and I understand if you don't want to talk about…"  
  
"No I don't want to talk about it. There's nothing to tell really, sure I miss them but… They're in heaven right?" Jensen raised his eyebrow but he didn't let Jared any chance to answer before he added. "Let's not talk about me I'm boring."  
  
"Oh trust me Jensen you're not."  
  
"You're just saying that because my mouth was around your dick a few minutes ago so…" Jensen's words were raw and harsh and yet said with the sweetest voice and Jared couldn't help but blush some more, seeing how carelessly Jensen was talking about … the thing they did earlier. "You do know you're absolutely beautiful when you're blushing?" Jensen's smile seemed to be a true one this time and if Jared wasn't red before, he sure was now. Jensen was wrong, he was nothing compared to Jensen's beauty, he was sure of that.  
  
Looking down at him, Jared had the feeling he was seeing clearly for the first time, he had learnt over the years not to look, not to notice but with Jensen it was simply impossible for him to tear his gaze away.  
  
"I'm not… sure I… thanks." mumbled Jared still unsure about what he should do or say. He had a feeling he was lucky there was a table between them, and people around , he didn't trust himself anymore.  
  
"You're welcome… Hey can I get another ice cream? I'm usually not allowed to have it but… promise you won't tell?"  
  
"I won't Jensen."  
  
"Great… Excuse me miss?"  
  
Jared watched him call the waitress and ordered, amazed to see him so excited about something as ridiculous as an ice cream. As the woman went away, Jensen turned back to Jared.  
  
"Can I ask you some questions too?"  
  
"Sure… Of course you can."  
  
 "Why did you become a priest? I mean… it's not like there are any priest schools right?"  
  
Jared chuckled at Jensen's obvious confusion. "It doesn't work like that Jensen… It's just… I don't know. The first time I stepped into a church I had this sensation deep in my stomach and… It was like being punched but in a good kind of way… This is stupid, but I don't know how else to explain it."  
  
Jared ran one hand through his hair, like he always did when he was nervous. And he was nervous, because Jensen was really listening to him, like no one else ever had. He had pressed his hands against the table and was trying to lean close. Just like that, Jared felt like he could tell him anything and the little boy would be able to understand him like no one else ever did. The feeling was nice and Jared's heart was beating fast and he swallowed, not knowing what to think.  
  
"Yeah… I can understand." whispered the boy. Jared knew he was sincere, he wasn't lying. He knew what kind of feeling Jared was describing. That moment in your life, when you felt like you’d been grabbed tight but safely, by something stronger than you, and you just know you have to follow.  
  
It was strange that a twelve years old boy could understand Jared when his own parents and family hadn't been able to. And Jared felt like he was able to rely on him, or even maybe, finally reach for Jensen's hands and squeeze it and tell the boy everything was going to be okay, but it was before Katie appeared again.  
  
One look at her and Jared knew something was wrong, she looked scared and her eyes were going back and forth between Jensen and the door of the restaurant.  
  
"Jared I'm sorry we have to go…"  
  
"I don't want to ." Jensen protested.  
  
"Jensen you don't understand, we have to go, they followed us and…  _holy shit._ "  
  
Whatever was scaring Katie, it seemed too late now and she just sat down next to Jensen, wrapping one arm around the small boy. The waitress chose the exact same time to come at their table with Jensen's ice cream but the boy didn't touch it. His smile was completely gone and his face looked expressionless, just like the first time Jared saw him on display, a perfect image of beauty.  
  
Jared frowned and turned around to look at the door, seeing what could possibly scared Katie like that. And as he spun around in his seat, Jared noticed that the whole place had suddenly gone silent. Everyone was staring at one particular man. He was coming to their table and he was followed by a guy much taller than Jared and much more frightening. Jared couldn't help but swallow and one glance at Katie and he knew that the man was what she was afraid.  
  
"Katie, Katie, Katie… so nice to see you there. I see you brought Jensen for an ice cream. How nice…"  
  
He was speaking with a deep voice, drawling at every word like he was tasting them, Jared looked up the same precise moment he turned to him. And Jared tried to hold on his gaze as he was staring back at the man, the stranger offered him a smile.  
  
"And you must be Mr Padalecki. I've heard so much about you…"  
  
"Well I wish I could the same." replied Jared with a polite smile before he looked back to Jensen and Katie.  
  
The boy still didn't move and Katie looked like she rather be anywhere but here. She was scared, no doubt of it, but it was the kind of fear Jared never saw before, the kind that made him nauseous and wish he didn't have to look.  
  
"Katie why don't you follow our nice friend over here and go back to the car?"  
  
One move of the head from the man, and the other guy was grabbing Katie's arm hardly, taking both of her and Jensen away. Away from Jared. And Jared did nothing, he watched the scene feeling more nauseous than ever, feeling that he should scream because something wasn't right, but he didn't he remained silent. Just like the rest of the clients.  
  
"Now we can talk…"  
  
The man sat down and it seemed like it was a signal of something, people started talking again and the waitress even came to ask if he wanted something else but he denied with a smile.  
  
"I would like to know who I'm talking to" Jared said finally, that dizzy feeling not going away.  
  
"Of course you want to, and you will Father… They call me Alastair."  
  
As he said that, he grabbed the spoon Jensen had left there and he started eating the ice cream. Jensen's ice cream. Very slowly.  
  
"How do you like our town Father?"  
  
Jared swallowed once again, even if… Alastair was calling him that way, it didn't feel right. Jared cleared his throat.  
  
"Nice… I'm having a little trouble to get adjusted to a few things…"  
  
"I hope one of those things isn't my… private little establishment?"  
  
"You own the bar?"  
  
At the question, Alastair dropped the spoon, smirk on his face. Jared's hands were shaking and he didn't know why.  
  
"Yes I do… And from what I've heard, you've had quite a good time, am I right?" The hint of a smile was gone and Jared knew there was no use of denying the truth. "Now Father… I'm going to ask nicely. Don't ever come to my home and play with what's mine, because I might come into yours and trust me…" Alastair stood up and closed the buttons of his jacket, the move very slow. "You won't like it."  
  
He started leaving and when he was close to Jared, he grabbed him by the shoulder and smiled down to him. "It's ironic when you think about it… We kind of have the same job… Except that I have more fun." He chuckled, low and deep and it made Jared shiver. And Jared didn't realize he was holding his breath until Alastair was gone. And then he hit him and Jared ran to the bathroom, sliding inside one of the cabin and closing the door behind him.  
  
He just had the time to do that before he threw up, knelt against the cold floor. But how was he supposed to react? How was he supposed to react now that he had discovered what kind of monster was owned his angel. What kind of man owned Jensen.  
  
He just had to save him.  
  
→


	4. Chapter 4

"So… the word is you met Alastair… How did it go?"  
  
Jared didn't answer to Chad's question, not because he didn't know what to say but only because he himself didn't know what happened back there. When he finally saw Alistair. That moment when Jensen's smile had faded away. And he had looked like a marionette all over again, ready to be bent over, taken countless time, with people that probably didn't care for him as much as Jared did.  
  
It made him sick, he couldn't sleep because of it and he wish he could somehow save the boy from all of this. Maybe take him out for another ice cream? It was something so simple, something so innocent and yet, it had brought so much joy to Jensen's features, sandy blond hair falling down his face, his green eyes shining with…  _life_. With life he couldn't have because someone else was making the wrong decisions for him. He was just an innocent angel who met a devil on his path.  
  
And Jared was sure a man like Alistair was capable of doing awful things to Jensen, twisting and shaping him into whatever he wanted Jensen to be. Yes, it made Jared sick… He sighed and shrugged, eyes falling on Chad.  
  
For no apparent reason, both of them were laying in the grass, right in front of the church. It was a beautiful Friday afternoon and Chad was wearing nothing more but khaki pants. Despite his mother worries Jared could see he didn't have any tattoos on his chest… Well not yet. Jared shook his head, it was probably impolite to stare and looked up at the sky. No clouds at all, just big bright sun… It was so depressing.  
  
"Well judging by your silence I'd say pretty bad… Anyway, I'm glad he didn't have you beaten up or something like that."  
  
"That was close…" admitted Jared in the most neutral tone he could manage right now."He just… you know... kindly told me to stay out of his …  _home._  Which I can't understand…" Jared had nothing to scare a man like that, nothing but his faith.  
  
And he could tell without being wrong that Alastair didn't care at all about that, he already had everything, power, money and most importantly, the whole town scared of him. Jared was just someone passing by, along the way you could say. He couldn't be a real threat to Alastair's business.  
  
"Maybe ‘cause you're the first priest we've got in… years. Hell think last Sunday was the first ‘let's wear monkey suit and pray’ for everyone. Including me."  
  
Jared chuckled softly, he wished he could see the world like Chad was seeing it, it did seem pretty simple. "I know, they told me before they sent me here… But I mean…"  
  
"God you really are a moron!"  
  
"Don't…"  
  
"Sorry, I meant : oh mighty god, you're a fucking moron… if people start coming to church, it means they start to believe. In something else than that fucking fear that had been running here for … fucking decades. They're gonna start thinking. And trust me if the whole town decides to turn against Alastair then… "  
  
"There's nothing he can do about it." finished Jared, amazed by Chad's reasoning.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
The boy closed his eyes and stretched a little, head resting on his hands. Jared stood up, in a sitting position now, looking down at Chad. He did have a valuable point. Jared's faith in God was the main reason he was getting up in the morning, the same thing that pushed him to go against his parents will to become a priest and try his best to remain strong in front of his mother's obvious disappointment.  
  
Faith.  
  
That was all he needed. Just a little bit of faith.  
  
 _Are you a real priest?_  First thing Jensen had asked him. Because he needed to believe in something, anything.  
  
"Thank you Chad."  
  
"No problem…" he opened one eye, then the other, surprised to see Jared standing up.  
  
"Where are you going? Wait, hold that thought  _padre_ , you'll tell me later, go on with your task, I'll just stay here."  
  
"… Don't you ever go to school Chad?"  
  
"I'm too awesome for school…" The boy shrugged.  
  
"And here I thought we had a deal."  
  
"I quit smoking, one step at the time right?"  
  
"… Yeah right."  
  
And Chad was right, one step at the time.  
  
→  
  
Ringing at the door twice was probably rude, Jared thought. But that didn't stop him from ringing another time, the loud sound echoing into the house, one of his feet tapping against the doorstep, Jared more eager than ever. It turned out, finding Katie's address was easier than he thought. He just rushed down to the police station after his talk with Chad and simply asked to the receptionist. Being the priest town did have some advantages after all… Now he just had to hope that she was there and she would help him.  
  
 _Please, please, please._ The word was loud and clear as Jared was shouting it inside of his head. He usually didn't beg but it seemed that every time Jensen was involved he found himself weak and defenceless, ready to give the boy anything he wanted and anything he could get and take away from Jared was already a small reward for the man. A very small one indeed.  
  
Jared was about to press the button again, but he was responded by a very loud "all right! All right! I'm coming." Before the door opened to reveal Katie. She was wearing nothing more but a too big sweater and some long socks.  
  
Jared blushed slightly before he put the best smile on his face. "Hi can…"  
  
"Go the fuck away."  
  
She tried to shut the door on his face but honestly Jared had seen it coming, he blocked the door with his foot, opening it again without any difficulties.  
  
"Katie please I just want to talk… I just need five minutes of your time."  
  
"Five minutes? You want five fucking minutes?"  
  
She opened the door harshly, cold eyes staring at Jared, full of anger. "Do you know what happened the last time I gave you five minutes of my time?"  
  
Katie lifted her sweater and Jared was about to close his eyes, but then he saw the bruises and the purple marks on her skin. They seemed recent. She had been beaten up.  
  
"Katie I'm so sorry, I never meant for… "  
  
"Any of this to happen? I know!" She let her shirt fall back against her body, crossing her arms on her chest, shivering. "I know, but excuse me if I don't want to have anything to do with you, okay?"  
  
"Please. Just five minutes. It's about Jensen."  
  
She was about to attempt to close the door again but she froze on the spot, looking up at Jared. She sighed and then pushed him inside, looking at both ends of the streets before closing the door behind her.  
  
"I am going to regret this later I fucking know it…"  
  
Katie mumbled as she left the lobby. Jared followed her in silence, the image of her bruises still fresh in his mind. He knew exactly who did this, or who asked someone to do this to her and he also knew it was his fault. Katie just… helped him in sort of way and she had been the one paying the price.  
  
"Sit." She ordered and Jared didn't even hesitate as he sat at one end of the couch, Katie on the opposite side. She crossed her legs and ran her hands through her hair a few times, fingers still shaking. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Jared waiting until Katie was ready to talk. She just seemed so lost and so hurt, her hair was all messed up on the top of her head, the shiny blond a very pale one now and even her eyes seemed empty. Just like Jensen's.  
  
It was all wrong, all wrong because it was a beautiful afternoon and Jared was sure Katie wouldn't be able to smile ever again.  
  
"So…" She broke the silence slowly, finally turning to him. "What do you want?"  
  
"First of all, I want to say I'm sorry for what… for what they did to you, if I'd known I…" Jared shut his mouth, looking at his feet, more ashamed than he ever was. There was no right words for a situation like this, just cold silence.  
  
"I might have overreacted, I mean come on, I'm a woman, right?" She wasn't obviously waiting for any answer at all and she started moving into the living room, apparently looking for something. "Working in a place like this, I should have known … In fact I think I knew. It’s not the first time someone got a correction behind the curtain."  
  
"Can't you go to the police?" Jared's question was so innocent and Katie smiled to him, pack of cigarettes in her hands.  
  
"Jared, those marks? Alastair had a cop beat me. So no… I can't go to the police." She chuckled and brought one cigarette to her mouth, cracked up a match and took a deep breath, seeming more relaxed than ever as she released the smoke. She then sat on the floor, her knees pressed against her chest.  
  
"But you're not here for me… So Jensen, you like him right?" There was a smirk on Katie's face and Jared couldn't help but blush. She saw them kissing after all, she knew Jared was no different than any other client. "The good news is… He kinda likes you too. I think you intrigue him. But then again, it's so fucking hard to read this kid sometimes…"  
  
Katie mumbled the last part of her sentence and Jared was sure she was talking to herself. However he was glad he wasn't the only one having troubles understanding the boy. Katie obviously knew him better than he did and she seemed to care for him a lot. "Anyway, what do you want to know?"  
  
"I want to know everything you know about him… He said his parents were dead, do you know what happened to them? And how did he get involved in all this? And…"  
  
"Wow, wow, slow down cow boy!" Katie was laughing now and Jared, despite his blushing, was glad he was able to make her smile. It was the least he could do after all. "If you think I know more than you do about Jensen you're wrong…" She sighed, running her free hand through her hair. "I mean… Alastair came back with him one night, two years ago to be more precise, he threw him into my lap, asking me to take care of him. He was so damn small and with those green eyes, who was I to say no?"  
  
Jared knew the feeling too well, Jensen's eyes were mesmerizing, one glance and you were lost forever, doing things you didn't know you were able to do before. "So I took care of him I guess… He didn't talk you know? The first few weeks, it was like he was still in shock or something. He couldn't sleep either, always had nightmares. And then one day, we have this one client that said he wants Jensen, I'm not going to lie to you Jared and say I protested but… That fucking bastard paid so I hand over Jensen."  
  
Katie paused for a moment looking at her feet. Two years ago, Jensen was only ten back then, probably having no idea of what was going on, probably scared to the bones and crying. It was hard to picture tears on Jensen's face but Jared was sure it would make the boy even more beautiful. "Anyway, I was there, right after… I don't know it was like something changed in him, he started talking to me, opening up, smiling. And the clients kept on coming!"  
  
Katie had a bitter laugh, crushing her cigarettes against the carpet. "I really don't know what is going on through his head when he's having sex… I tried to ask him but he just gave me this smile and just telling me I don't want to know. I can't imagine how hard it is for him. I mean me? I just joined to help, but him? He doesn't even have a choice."  
  
"Why did you… accept this job?"  
  
Katie looked up to Jared, looking suddenly very tired. "I was desperate. I'd just lost my husband. He died from cancer, I literally watched him die day by day. I thought that you know… I couldn't see worse after that… I guess I was wrong." Katie's words were so cold and yet, she pronounced them with a sly smile on her face.  
  
Jared couldn't image what it felt like to see someone you truly love slowly disappear. He wasn't going to give her the good old "God has a plan for everyone" because it didn't seem right. And even if Jared believed, he, like everyone, had his own moments of doubt and his own questions for the creator. "I'm sorry." Jared whispered, the words felt useless, he truly wished there was something else to add, to do.  
  
"Don't be. I had time to you know… Move on I could say? Now the real question is… how are you going to help Jensen?"  
  
"I just… I just need to see him. Talk to him."  
  
Katie stared at Jared for a few minutes, like she was trying to decide how serious he was about all of this so he held on his gaze, not even blinking twice. She finally looked away, standing up.  
  
"I really think you should go now."  
  
There was nothing more to add, so Jared just left.  
  
→  
  
It was raining. Hard, the sound was echoing in every part of the church, leaving no other choice to Jared but just listen. And sitting in one of the pews, he felt like every single drop was rolling down his own skin, whispering him sweet and dark secrets from the angels shading their tears high above.  
  
It was the right and good kind of silence. The one reminding Jared that he wasn't alone, that he was being watched. He sighed, considering lightening a candle for a moment. But no, it was good. There was nothing in the semi darkness of the church that could possibly scare Jared. He knew the truth: the monsters were living in broad daylight, taking different shapes and stealing innocence and beauty from little boys. No. Jared rubbed his hands on his face, pushing back his hair, Jensen's smile in his mind now. His eyes. The unique taste of his lips. How tiny and fragile he felt in his arms. How badly Jared wanted him. Like nothing else before.  
  
Jared was discovering want and it was brutal, harsh and burning. Because why wait? Why ask? Why even beg? Why couldn't he just take what he wanted and then pay for his sins in hell, with a proud smile on his face? Replaying the memories of the happy days while hundreds of demons would fight for a pound of his own flesh. Jared swallowed hard at that thought, suddenly glad he was in normal clothing.  
  
"What should I do?"  
  
The question asked out loud sounded very stupid and yet, that was exactly how Jared felt. Lost. Insecure. Afraid. And those feelings were new for him. Never in his life he had had questions without any answer, he always had been so sure about everything. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and he opened them again when he heard that characteristic sound of someone opening the door of the church. Jared knew that whoever it was, it had to be important.  
  
Who would have come all the way up here through that weather?  
  
"Jared?"  
  
Jensen's voice. No doubt of it and it shook the priest deep inside and his body reacted on his own, standing up and turning around. Jensen was a few feet away from him, in the dark but Jared could see he was completely wet, clothes holding on his skin. But he didn't seem to be cold or anything, in fact, he wasn't even shivering and it was that, that surprised Jared.  
  
"You're… here. I thought maybe…"  
  
The boy' s voice was so loud, brushing against Jared's cheek like a caress and the man fought against himself to cross the distance between them and hold Jensen. Right there. Right where the Lord was watching. Right where Jared could be judged. But silence stood between them, only the rain pouring down the roof was making a soud.  
  
"Katie told me you were worried about me. That you asked her some questions about me…" His voice was empty. No curiosity in it, or real wonder, not even a glimpse of that innocence Jared was sure he saw earlier. That day when they were out for ice cream. "So I thought I could just…" Jensen paused and sighed loudly. "Do you think God loves me?"  
  
It was a question Jared had heard too many times and he usually smiled. But coming from Jensen, it was somehow harder to bear.  
  
"God loves everyone."  
  
"Oh really? … I'll try to remember that the next time I'll have to suck someone's cock."  
  
Mockery now and Jared winced, his hands grabbing one of the chairs so tight he was sure his hands were probably red.  
  
"Don't… Don't do this to yourself Jensen."  
  
Jared was hiding himself behind those words, he was scared to hear how the boy was with his other… clients. Not scared he would be disgusted but scared he would want the exact same thing from Jensen. Because now, this wasn't just about sex, it was about giving him the right kind of love and worship Jensen did deserve with that level of beauty.  
  
"Don't what?" Jensen's voice seemed somehow louder and harder, but it was only because he had moved Jared realized a few seconds later. "Don't what Jared? Don't tell the truth? You think I am too stupid or corrupt to see the difference between right and wrong? That I don't know that I'm a whore and I will probably burn in hell once I die?"  
  
Jensen was so close now, at the end of the row, Jared in the middle. Facing the green eyes with absolutely no answer at all. Jensen paused and it was Jared that ended it all, kneeling in front of the boy, seeing for himself that Jensen was crying, tears rolling down his cheeks mixed with the rain, his hair wet too. He was shaking now, clothes way too big for him loose on his skin. He looked like the ghost of himself, the poor reflection of that sinful thing Jared first saw days ago.  
  
He looked weak and vulnerable. Jared tried to touch him but Jensen pushed his hand away, eyes almost black now, anger on his features. It was truly beautiful to watch, he looked like he was having no control at all but he was still trying.  
  
"No. You  _don't_ … You don't get to touch me. What exactly do you want from me?"  
  
The tone was brutal and Jared's hands were burning with the itch to touch.  
  
"What makes you think I want something from you Jensen?"  
  
"Because they all do, this is how it works… So? What. Do. You. Want?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Liar."  
  
"Jensen, you want honesty, right? Well… I just want to help you."  
  
Jensen snarled at that, bitter expression as he stared at Jared. "You can't help me. No one can help me."  
  
"If that's so Jensen… then what are you doing here?"  
  
Jensen was looking at him with defiance now and he didn't bother to answer, instead he wiped the tears away from his face. Jared raised one hand to help him with that, the boy paused, watching him carefully, but he didn't push Jared away. Jared continued his move, green eyes on him, and he smiled slightly when his fingers were against the freckled skin. Jensen let him wipe away the tears, pressed one hand against his wet shoulder and wrapped one arms around his small waist and bring him closer.  
  
Jensen still didn't protest and he even wrapped his arms around Jared's neck. Their faces were so close and even if Jared thought of kissing Jensen he didn't, he just held him right there.  
  
"You're cold, maybe we should get you out of those cl…"  
  
"Make it stop." Jensen interrupted Jared, leaning dangerously closer, hands lost in Jared's hair, the gesture so intimate Jared could have moaned. He could have if Jensen wasn't staring at him with that much intensity.  
  
"Make what stop?"  
  
"Everything. Just make it stop, just make it good, I don't want it to hurt anymore."  
  
"What hurts?"  
  
They were whispering, why? Because the truth was too horrible to be heard in the house of God? Probably.  
  
"Everything." he repeated again, this time his lips pressed against Jared's. And just like that, just by a press of the lips, they were kissing. So slowly in fact, all Jared could hear was the rain outside, it seemed like a dream, but then there was Jensen's tongue against his own, so hot in comparison to his cold body.  
  
Jared kissed him back moaning, pressing his hands against Jensen's small body. The kiss was good, so slow but a little bit bitter in the end, maybe it had something to do with Jensen biting his lower lip, taking any chance he could as he was trying to deepen the kiss. He didn't want it slow at all, he wanted Jared like the priest could somehow heal him.  
  
And Jared wanted to ask him what he was running away from but he wanted it as much as he wanted to kiss the boy. So he did just that, tongue caressing every corner of Jensen's mouth as his strong chest was pressed against the very small and shaking body. When Jared parted for air, panting, Jensen's mouth was here, licking the corner of his mouth then dangerously heading for his neck, his teeth crazing against the skin. Jared growled, not knowing that could be a very sensitive spot and he stood up, Jensen's in his arms, the little boy wrapping his legs around his waist.  
  
Jensen's ass was somehow brushing against his crotch and with the wet clothing, Jared could feel everything and it didn't help the raging desire inside of him. Yet, ignorant in that domain, he didn't know what he wanted but he wanted it, badly, he wanted to give Jensen everything.  
  
"Bed. Now."  
  
Jensen's words were lost in their moans and their kissing, little hands running through the man's hair and strong palms pressed against the small back. And Jared just obeyed, leading them to the bedroom, tripping over a few chairs and almost dropping Jensen, the boy was distrating him each time he was pressing his mouth against Jared's skin. A slow burn just to remind Jared that he was just a man. That he too could moan and swear because of this boy. That he was no different.  
  
They both moaned when Jensen's back was pressed against the door, the little boy breaking their kisses as he lay back against the cold surface. His hands stopped touching Jared and looking right into the man's eyes, he took off his shirt, very slowly. Right there, pressed against Jared, showing him off his perfect skin and his already erect nipples.  
  
"Jensen I…"  
  
He didn't know what to say or do anymore, all of this was new to him, Jared had never thought he would be allowed to touch someone but Jensen's invitation was more than very clear. The boy silenced him by wrapping his arms around his neck one more, eyes into Jared.  
  
"It's okay Jared… It's okay, you can touch me."  
  
"I don't want to hurt you." the priest whispered against the boy's face.  
  
Jensen had a small smile, the remain of the tears still well visible in his eyes not to mention the trail of freckles all along his neck that Jared wanted to kiss.  
  
"You can't hurt me, you can only make it good… Please?"  
  
And hearing Jensen beg shouldn't be that powerful but it was, soon Jared was kissing the boy again and pushing the door of his small bedroom and closing it behind them with his foot. The room was now filled with the sound of their moans and panting and Jensen's wet pants brushing against Jared's jeans. "Jensen…" He seemed unstoppable, moving and squirming in his arms and when Jared put him on the bed, he prompted very elegantly on his elbows, spreading his legs in a gesture that left absolutely no imagination.  
  
He was stunning, Jared thought as he knelt beside the bed, hands shaking, his lips were red from their hard kisses and yet Jared wanted to kiss him again. And looking straight into Jared's eyes, the little boy took of his pants, very slowly. Jared gulped as more skin was exposed, Jensen almost shining in the dim light of the room. It was dark just like the church but Jared had one window, and the streets lights, the cloud and the rain were creating a perfect set for Jensen to be absolutely perfect.  
  
There he was, completely naked, lying in Jared's too big bed. His skin was covered with freckles and his small dick was hard, it looked so smooth and untouched and maybe if Jared could touch the boy maybe he would believe in his own lie.  
  
"Jared please…"  
  
"Jensen… I… I can't, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to make you feel good, I shouldn't even be doing this, Jensen don't ask me that I…"  
  
"Shh… Shh… it's okay." Jensen was suddenly close, both hands on Jared's face as he kissed his forehead. No. What was he doing? It was supposed to be the other way around, Jared was supposed to comfort him, bring him some kind of peace. And here he was, soft green eyes on Jared, smiling.  
  
"Do what you want Jared, it's okay, you can touch…"  
  
Maybe Jensen was damning him for good with his sweet talk but when the small hands slide into Jared's big ones, the priest couldn't help but lean into Jensen, pressing a kiss against his shoulder as the boy was laying back on the bed. And Jensen tasted good. Jared's mouth found his collarbone and he sucked on it loudly, amazed to see the small body twitch on the bed and Jensen's gaze on him, it was want inside those green eyes.  
  
He guided Jared's hands to his chest, showing him how to press his fingers against his golden skin, how to appreciate the texture of it, how to touch him and how to caress. Soon, Jensen's skin was red because of Jared's kisses and he closed his mouth around one of his nipples, his fingers playing with the other one and the boy screamed his name loudly, Jared was suddenly very hard. This was wrong, and yet he loved how small and fragile Jensen felt beneath him. He sucked on his nipple and watched as Jensen's face broke into a pure expression of sheer pleasure, his hands tight on Jared's hair as he raised his hips like he had no control of them.  
  
"More… Please, Jared more."  
  
Jared growled against his skin, his own arousal trapped inside his jeans so painfully, but this was about Jensen, this was just about pleasing Jensen. So he took his time and inflicted the same treatment to the other nipple, ignorant to the little boy's pleas, even if every single one of his moans and cries was just a pure torture, sliding all along Jared's skin and finding its way around his erection. Jared moaned too, undoing his zipper quickly to relieve a little bit of pressure before he licked his way to Jensen's navel, leaving his own mark of saliva.  
  
"Yes, yes, yes, please, just, please…"  
  
Jared found more freckles than ever here, his tongue mapped every single corner of Jensen's skin, saving everything he could for when he would be in the darkness of his room all alone. He licked inside Jensen's navel and the boy had a full body shiver, jumping at the touch. Jared hold his hips to held him in place and he raised his head to Jensen, his gaze was so intense, urging Jared to give him more. And maybe it was all wrong, but Jared would. He lost some precious second looking at Jensen's hard on, hairless, small and perfect before he took it all in his mouth.  
  
"Oh… Jared, yes, yes, yes, yes."  
  
It tasted marvellous and Jared even felt like he was getting a glimpse of heaven as he sucked the boy’s cock. Yes, it was wrong but it felt so right that he didn't even care and he lost himself into the pleasure, too happy to hear Jensen's moans and screams filling the room. His hands found Jensen's ass and he pressed then against the smooth skin and Jensen screamed, pushing his head back into the bed as he wrapped his legs around Jared's neck, trapped him forever. Jared let go of his dick to take a deep breath, his whole vision clouded by lust and freckles and just Jensen…  
  
"Don't stop. Oh please Jared don't stop."  
  
Jensen tried to move to get up but Jared growled holding him in place, he had no reason to stop even if his heart was beating that loud in his chest, even if he felt like he was on the verge of coming and breaking just like last time. But the image Jensen was offering him was way too appealing, especially now that his little cock was leaking and Jared just knew he had to lean in and taste it.  
  
That was what he did, lapping Jensen's clean, the obscene sound filling the room. Jared didn't stop there, no, he wish he could say he did stop there but there was still that part of himself, that had been silent for years and now wanted to know the whole truth. That part whispering inside Jared's ears and probably the reason his tongue headed lower as he kissed Jensen's balls and then pressed his lips against the soft curve of his ass.  
  
"Yes, right there, just, yes." Jensen urged him, squirming on the bed and one of his hand pushing Jared's head lower and his heels against his shoulder blades. Jared's tongue found the crack between his two ass cheeks and when he slowly pushed his tongue inside it seemed like Jensen had completely lost it. He was trying to jump on the bed, offering himself to Jared, his moves were very sensual and yet he didn't have any control at all, the same thing was for the moans and the "Jared, please," escaping him as his skin was brushing against the sheets and Jared's tongue slowly tracing the lines of his insides.  
  
It tasted so good and Jared had to see for himself so he grabbed his ass roughly, spreading the two cheeks of smooth and creamy skin to look inside himself. And the view of Jensen's hole affected him a lot, he moaned before circling the tip of his tongue all around it. "Jared… oh…" Jared was making noises too, so close to the boy it felt intimate and almost right. He repeated the operation until it drove them both crazy, until Jensen was just a mess underneath his tongue, swearing and calling the god high above and finally happy it seemed when Jared's tongue was inside his hole, filling him up.  
  
"God… Jared I… fuck."  
  
Jensen's muscles were so tight against his tongue, Jared thought he was just going to die right there, his tongue deep inside of the boy's ass. He tasted so sweet and it was so tight, Jared wondered how it would feel to be inside Jensen, so deep he wouldn't even be able to breathe. Jared came right here, his tongue deep inside of Jensen and so lost in his thought and shivering, he didn't even notice that Jensen was coming too and for the second time.  
  
It was the fact that Jensen's body went still for a moment and that his legs fell back on the bed that made Jared stop, parting his mouth away from the boy, looking up at him. Jensen's belly was covered with his own come, the silk liquid glistening on his skin as his chest rose and sagged with every single one of his respiration. He had his eyes closed and as Jared moved, he opened them.  
  
"Come here."  
  
His voice was raspy because he had screamed so much and it did nothing to help Jared's growing addiction to the boy. But he just obeyed anyway, crawling in the bed next to Jensen, ignoring how sticky he felt in his own pants as he laid next to the boy. Jensen turned slowly to Jared, bringing their faces close again. Jared wished he could come up with something clever to do or say, but instead he just pressed his hands against Jensen's face, stroking his hair, the green eyes staring at him. Jensen didn't seem angry or desperate like earlier, he seemed suddenly more calm and relaxed than ever.  
  
"I'm sorry." whispered Jared.  
  
"For what?" Jensen's raised one eye brow, before he grabbed Jared's arms and put it around his waist.  
  
"I don't know" admitted the man. "It felt like the right thing to say after… I don't know Jensen. You're… something new to me." It was all Jared could admit out loud, all he could say without scaring Jensen. Jensen had a low chuckle, leaning closer.  
  
"Well… it's a start. I should be the one apologizing I know I can be very…"  
  
"Changing?" finished Jared. Because Jensen was just like the rain outside, one minute he was cold and distant and the next second he was right there, all hot and burning making his way all over Jared's skin. Otherwise how to explain that they were here, like this, that Jared was holding the small naked body against his own.  
  
"Yes, changing would be the right word. I don't know either Jared. I just like you. You're different." As he said that, Jensen's fingers ran along Jared's chin, the boy smiling.  
  
"I don't think I'm that different, Jensen."  
  
"Yes you are. You care."  
  
"I'm not the only one Jensen, Katie she cares for you a lot."  
  
"I know but it's not the same thing, I don't want to kiss Katie every single time I see her."  
  
It was Jared's turn chuckle now, seeing where this was headed. "So I'm special?" he asked against Jensen's lips.  
  
"Yeah… you are. So go head, I know you're curious, what do you want to know?"  
  
"You're really going to answer to all my questions?"  
  
"Not all of them, like, only the ones I feel comfortable answering, trust me Jared, you don't want to know everything about me."  
  
Jared was about to reply that Jensen was wrong, he did wanted to know the whole truth, but something, in a way Jensen's body had moved suddenly, the boy now staring at the ceiling, made him realize that no. Some secrets were better left untold.  
  
"You said you parents were dead… how?" Jensen bit his lower lip, sighing. "It's okay you don't have to…"  
  
"No. I'm good. It's just… Not that kind of things you like to tell? I mean not a lot people know, I don't like talking about myself and I'm not paid enough to do that." A hint of sarcasm and a false smile on his face, it didn't last long as the boy took a deep breath and spoke again. "There was this huge fire at my house. I don't know. I don't even remember. It's just sort a little bit of a blur. All I know is what the nurses told me. My whole family died that night and I don't why I survive but I did. Apparently I was the only one still alive when the firemen came in. I was in the hospital for days, coma they said. But I woke up. I don't even remember the fire, I don't even remember anyone carrying me out. I just remember saying goodbye to my mum and going to sleep. And then I woke up in a hospital room. Alone."  
  
He turned to Jared, sad smile on his face. "So yeah, that's all there is to know. I wasn't beat up or abused by my parents, I met Alastair one year later and I just… I followed him because I had no one else. That's all there is to know."  
  
When Jensen was telling it, it seemed simple, but Jared knew it wasn't, he knew how much losing someone could hurt, especially when you were a little boy.  
  
Maybe that was all about Jensen. Maybe he was just chasing some kind of love with every single person that came across his path, everyone that got lost in his eyes. Jared wrapped both of his arms around the boy and held him tight.  
  


→


	5. Chapter 5

  
Jared could have been woken up by the sounds of the birds, singing in their own way, at his window at six am precisely. But he didn't. He could have been woken up by the sun outside, the light coming into the room. But he didn't. What woke him up was something better, something sweeter. And he moaned slightly as he felt something warm and wet against his neck. He smiled in his sleep, both eyes closed, wondering what it was.  
  
For a minute, he just laid down there and enjoyed the sensation as he slowly regained consciousness, second by second. His feet were cold, he must have forgotten to put the cover on, his legs were numb and for some reason, he was already hard in his pants, and it hitched and there was something soft and sweet against his arms.  
  
"Jensen…" Jared opened his eyes slowly to find Jensen pressing kisses against his neck, naked body still right next to Jared's. It was like he was trying to fit perfectly inside the shape formed by Jared's massive form, like he was trying to be a part of him. Jared liked that idea a lot, just like he liked the smile Jensen offered him when he pull away from Jared's neck lips beautiful and red.  
  
"Hey." he whispered against Jared's lips.  
  
"Hey, you're not gone." As he said that, Jared's hands were travelling on Jensen's hip, following the very appealing curve. Jensen was so small and yet there seemed to have so much of him to discover, to explore and to mark. Jensen's eyes drifted to Jared's fingers for a moment before he pressed a small kiss on Jared's lips. Jared wanted it to last and he tried to kiss Jensen back, but the boy was already pulling away, chuckling.  
  
Before Jared had a chance to chase him, Jensen was there, rolling his small body on the top of Jared's and Jared moaned feeling Jensen's small curves against him. He couldn't help but wrap his arms around the small waist once more, trapping the boy against him. Jensen wasn't going anywhere it seemed, no, not when he was leaning to Jared's face looking him  _that_  way…  
  
But Jared didn't have time to analyze too much that look before Jensen's mouth was on his and every other thought he might have faded away. Otherwise he would probably have thought of last night, because the green eyes were full of despair, asking "please save me" in some other way… It was hard to think because Jensen's mouth was on his right now, hard to think because he wasted absolutely no time, his tongue pushing between Jared's lips and capturing Jared's to kiss him. It felt amazingly good, soft and yet demanding, Jensen being the one leading the kiss the whole time.  
  
And Jared let him, lying down there and trying to remember how to breathe with this tiny little body over his. Jensen only broke the kiss for a few seconds, lips red, eyes staring at Jared for a few seconds. He wondered what Jensen saw, that made him kiss Jared again, his tongue moving and lapping Jared's mouth faster than before, Jared's body was more than awake now and he moaned as his hands starting moving against Jensen's skin. He didn't dream that part, Jensen's kisses still felt like heaven and his body so right against Jared.  
  
The boy was arching into every single touch as Jared's shaky fingers traced his spine and he was moaning into Jared's mouth by the time the man reached his ass, squeezing it harder and harder, especially when Jensen was twitching against him after every single touch. His skin was brushing against Jared's clothed one but he could still feel himself very hard in his jeans and like every time with Jensen, he felt like he was about to explode, combust from the inside.  
  
Small hands found his hair and pulled Jared, forcing him to raise his head a little bit. Jared growled. He felt he was melting underneath the boy and Jensen wasn't even doing anything. His touches were light and yet his kiss was passionate, a contradiction that was slowly reducing Jared to nothing but moans and growls and it should have been embarrassing, really but it wasn't. When Jensen stopped the kiss Jared whimpered, not yet ready to let go, already addicted to the sweet and unique taste. Jensen smiled at him, already licking his lips.  
  
"Shh… Relax, I've got you okay?"  
  
Jared found himself nodding, heart beating faster than ever, big chest moving against Jensen's, his eyes looking up to the boy. It should have been the opposite, maybe if Jared tried to flip Jensen over maybe he could have… But no, Jared was on his elbows when he stopped, watching how the morning light was making Jensen's hair shine like gold, showing every freckles he had on his face, his eyes so green Jared wanted nothing more but to kiss him again. Instead he just lay down on the bed as Jensen gently pushed him onto it.  
  
Jensen then disappeared from his sight as he slid along his body, Jared gasped feeling the fabric of his shirt brush against his skin as Jensen lifted it up, then lips were against his stomach and he moaned, arching into the touch, definitely more than awake, his cock so hard Jared was sure it was already leaking. Yes, he felt wet, hot and cold at the time, Jensen too close to where he needed him the most to be. But Jensen took his time, Jared losing it to every single one of his wet kissing, biting his lower lip hard not to come.  
  
No, this was important. Jensen needed to decide how and when he will come. He could at least do this. Jared was holding back his breath too but he didn't notice it until Jensen's fingers found his zipper and he let out a deep gust of air.  
  
"I said relax…" Jensen chuckled. "You've got to learn to listen to what I said Jared. Okay?"  
  
And Jared tried to say yes but it all died in his throat as Jensen was freeing his erection and it became a growl as the small thumb rub against the wet tip of his cock. Jensen repeated the operation, tracing circles on Jared's sensitive skin, making him jump and twitch every time.  
  
"Jensen… Jensen… I…"  
  
Jared didn't even know what he wanted to say, he was so damn close and the sudden rush of want and need and now, was all suddenly back, he naively thought he had it trapped, that he had it all under control but he was clearly wrong. Oh so wrong, he thought, when Jensen's other hand grabbed his cock, stroking him at an insane pace. It was like Jensen knew deep down that Jared liked it hard and fast and he was more than ready to give him to him. Jared closed his eyes and push his head back into the mattress, hips following the movement of Jensen's hands, both of them, smooth and small stroking him, touching him there, and just like that, Jared came.  
  
Gently flowing into Jensen's palms, the boy's hand didn’t stop, stroking him through his orgasm. It wasn't as powerful as the last time, but Jared still felt that feeling of pure bliss and contentment and he moaned the entire time, not realizing how loud he was, his head falling back on one side of the bed, his lips brushing against the sheets. Was this even real? Jared didn't know, he had just come against an innocent hand and he didn't even feel guilty about it, he felt somehow happy and good.  
  
He opened his eyes very slowly and turned his head about to grab Jensen again, but that was before small lips landed on his stealing another kiss. Jared went still for a few moments, taken aback by the power of the kiss. He was still sore from Jensen's hands. But Jensen didn't leave him any time to think, any time for the doubt. When he pulled back, the boy was panting.  
  
"Father, how do you know when you're in love with someone?"  
  
Jared wished he didn't moan hearing Jensen call him like this, but his pants were still pushed to his knees, his dick has gotten soft from Jensen's touches and he could feel some hot sticky come on himself and on the boy's fingers tangled deep inside his hair. And yet, it didn't really matter, not with Jensen's question and the look on his face.  
  
"I…" He swallowed hard, trying to find the right words and not read too much into Jensen's ones.  
  
"I don't know, I guess you just know."  
  
"Never been in love before ?"  
  
"I only love God Jensen."  
  
"Hmmm… I'll guess I have to change that too."  
  
Jensen placed another kiss, quick and light, on Jared's lips and the he was moving again. Jared didn't register what was the boy was doing until he was putting his pants on.  
  
"What… No…"  
  
Jensen turned to him, grin on his face as he was buckling his belt. "Sorry Jared, I have to go… Alastair would kill me if he knew..." Jensen paused, for a moment he looked sad, but then he was smiling at Jared, like he was trying to remain strong. Alastair, the joint, Jared had forgotten all of that in the favour of Jensen's smile and his sweet hands. Jensen was good and he deserved better than all of this.  
  
"Okay fine… But at least… let me... let me drive you there okay?"  
  
Jared was about to get up but he was stopped by Jensen hand's on his strong ones.  
  
"No. No one can know about this, don't tell anyone, not even to Chad okay?"  
  
"How do you know about..."  
  
"Jared please, this is a very small town, you think people don't talk about you? Trust me they do… It's…"  
  
Jensen took a deep breath, small shoulders moving. "It's better like this, trust me."  
  
So Jared did, laying down back in the bed and watching Jensen go. He would never get used of that sight.  
  
→  
  
Except that Jensen didn't show up. It had been two weeks now and he couldn't help but start to get worried. Where was Jensen? Maybe Alastair found out and he ended up having the same kind of punishment that Katie received. No. Not Jensen. Alastair couldn't do that, it wouldn't be good for his business, Jensen was the diamond of his collection, he liked to show him off, he couldn't do that if the boy was carrying some nasty bruises.  
  
No.  
  
No one would lay a finger on Jensen.  
  
Well actually they would but… The thought of it was hard and the first week, Jared couldn't help but turn to the doors every single time someone would step inside the church. But no Jensen. Chad asked him what was wrong at some point but he ignored him, and also the nasty glance Chad gave him leaving the church. He just couldn't tell. He had promised. And he really hoped, that first Sunday after their night together, that Jensen would find a way to come to the mass.  
  
But the boy didn't. Katie did, she was sat in the back and when it was over she gave Jared an apologetic look before leaving. So that was it? Going back to normal? Going back to acting like none of this was real, that Jensen was real, that he was somehow a mirage that Jared had imagined. But no, Jared couldn't make up that, not the way Jensen moved or smiled or not even how he had touched Jensen. Jared didn't know what was hiding behind the word sex before and Jensen made the wait worth it. He should be sorry, he should feel remorse or regret, but he really didn't anymore. He didn't even feel guilty.  
  
And yes, Jared kept praying every day. It was just… All wrong, even if it felt deeply right, there was no other word for it. And as the second week went by, Jared knew something was wrong. Or maybe there was nothing wrong and he was just freaking out because he missed Jensen a lot. Probably more than he should. The longing and the aching were there as usual and as it turned out, Jared just had to learn how to live with them. It wasn't fair, unfair to want something more than he wanted oxygen and yet, he found himself sitting in front of the church every afternoon and until late night, waiting. Waiting for Jensen.  
  
Remembering the little pieces of information he had been willing to share with Jared before going to sleep the other night. His favourite color was blue. He wanted to learn how to speak French because he thought the language sounded funny. He hated the smell of cigarettes more than anything else and he was trying to get Katie to get rid of the nasty habit. Jared sighed, pushing his knees against his chest, chest resting on it, sat outside the church once more.  
  
The day was over and it was that time where you couldn't quite figure out the color of the sky but it was still beautiful, beautiful to watch the sun fall down and disappear, knowing you had nothing to do with it but it was still happening at the end of every day. It was a comforting thought. Not enough to warm up Jared's heart. He wished it could, but it didn't, he wanted to see Jensen, press kisses against his temple and fall asleep with that last image in his mind: Jensen's eyes on him like he cared and like Jared actually mattered.  
  
Jared growled and buried his head between his hands. If only he could stop thinking about it and actually do  _something_. When Jared raised his head again, he knew what he had to do. There was no other way, he had to go see Alistair and ask. Just ask what he could do to get another glimpse of Jensen, because yes, Jared was addicted. He wished he could say his fingers weren't shaking or his heart wasn't beating fast when his car stopped a few blocks away from the bar. But that just wasn’t who Jared was. He covered the rest of the distance by foot, realizing in the process, that he was still wearing his black outfit. Too late to go back now.  
  
That was just a part of who he was and no need to be ashamed of that now. He wasn't before. This was all because of Jensen, because the boy had made him realize he had no reason to be afraid of his own skin, because it was good, good to feel small blunt nails crazed against his skin and bring him over the edge. Jared spotted Katie long before the blond saw him and when she did, she walked toward him and put one hand on his chest.  
  
"No. You don't want to do this."  
  
"I need to see…"  
  
"I know you want to see Jensen but trust me you can't be here, Jared, seriously…"  
  
Katie was trying to push him away as Jared wanted to go in there himself, but he could see this was useless, especially because Katie looked completely panicked. Scared even. Jared took a deep breath and paused.  
  
"Katie. I don't wanna see Jensen, I promised. Well... He's kind of the reason I'm here, I need to see Alastair."  
  
"What?"  
  
Katie laughed for a moment but she must have seen the look on Jared's face because she rolled her eyes.  
  
"Are you nuts? You two fucking morons are going to give me a fucking heart attack. You know what Jared, you should be grateful Alastair didn't find out about the little visit Jensen paid you the other night!"  
  
"How…"  
  
"How did I know? Because the kid fucking tells me everything! That's how I know. You should leave. Now. Jensen doesn't need this kind of bullshit in his life."  
  
"Oh yes, because of course you know what's best for him, right?"  
  
"And now you're being judgmental?  _You_  of all people? You're a fucking priest Jared, so fuck you !"  
  
Jared paused, getting angry at her wouldn't solve anything. He took a deep breath. "I  _need_  to see Alastair. You don't want me in there? Fine I'll just wait here." To prove his point, Jared stepped back, eyes into Katie's. She looked at him during a long minute before she sighed.  
  
"Fine. But stay here. If you step inside, you're dead, understood?"  
  
Jared nodded but she was already gone, pushing the door of the bar open and closing it well behind her. It was a clear indication that Jared was unwelcomed inside. And he waited, arms crossed on his chest, trying to steady his breathing and not make a fool out of himself like the first time. This time, Jared was prepared, because he knew that no matter what Alastair could do to Jensen, it didn't really matter, Jensen needed to be the one in control, the one to decide if this was important or not.  
  
And he had decided that Jared was important. And right now, it was all there was in Jared's mind. It still was when the door was pushed once more, revealing Alastair. He smiled when he saw Jared, not even a smirk, a real smile.  
  
"Good evening Father… Funny seeing you here…"  
  
"I respected my promise. I'm not inside your house."  
  
"Yes, I appreciate the effort…" He closed the door completely behind him, rubbing his hands as he stepped toward Jared. "And what do I owe such pleasure? You didn't come all the way here, scaring Katie, just to talk. Am I right?"  
  
Jared nodded and was about to talk but Alastair stopped him by a gesture of his hands, still heading closer. But Jared wasn’t about to step back and give up. "No, I came here for …"  
  
"You came here for Jensen." Alastair finished for him. "Of course you came here for Jensen, you of all the people are interested in him. Jensen is very … precious to me. But you know that right? He told you, didn't he? I helped him when he was nothing but trash…"  
  
Alastair was talking about Jensen with a sweet, rich voice, almost like he cared. That thought was scary. This was the kind of love Jensen had received all this time ? No wonder everything went wrong, he deserved better. But Jared kept his mouth shut. He wasn't here to argue, just to ask. "Yes I came here for Jensen, but I want you to treat me like…" Jared took a deep breath. "Like any customer, I'm going to pay."  
  
Hearing that, Alastair laughed, cold and bitter, looking at Jared like he couldn't quite believe him. "You? Will pay me? And how?"  
  
"Doesn't matter, you'll have the money, I just want him for a couple of days, okay?" Alastair paused right in front of Jared, he even leaned forward to look inside Jared's eyes. Jared held his gaze and his breath, hoping that whatever twisted and filthy thing Alastair was looking for, he would find it. When he pulled away, he smiled and Jared let escape a deep breath.  
  
"Fine, fine, since you're so sure you can actually change him. I give you three days, and you give me ten thousand dollars and you'll have you deal."  
  
Alastair extended his head and Jared stared at him, unsure for a moment. But this was exactly why he came here right? Jared grabbed Alastair's hand and shook it and as he was about to let go, Alastair grabbed his forearm with his free hand.  
  
"Three days. That's all you get. Then ask him, ask Jensen where he wants to be, what he wants… You'll see he'll come back here. Always."  
  
And Jared wished he had something clever to say. But he didn't, he just pulled out of Alastair' grasp, the man laughing now.  
  
"I'll see you when you have my money Father."  
  
→  
  
"Ten thousand bucks? As in… Wow… Like ten thousand bucks?"  
  
Chad's expression was priceless and other circumstances, Jared could have laughed. Not this time, he was more than determined to find the money, at any cost. He had naïvely said yes, but where was he going to find that money. Just like he had read his mind, Chad turned to him.  
  
"Jared, where the hell are you going to find ten thousand bucks? Did you think of that before you went up there all cocky just because you…"  
  
"Hey!" Jared pushed Chad by the shoulder, both of them sitting in front of the church, as usual. "I didn't go there all cocky. It was important. I had to do it!"  
  
"Yeah… For Jensen, so you can get laid for three days non-stop… Yep, very smart, little advice,  _padre_ , watch porn like everybody else, it's free and … oh it's free." Chad was already laughing at his own joke but Jared thought that it was actually kind of sad that Chad saw it that way.  
  
Maybe that was all there was, sex. Maybe Alastair was right, he was just fooling himself, Jensen was playing him all along and he had no interest other than money. But Jared couldn't give up, that just wasn't who he was, He couldn't give up now.  
  
"It's not just about that Chad, you should have been there … See the look on Alastair's face, like… He knows I'm a threat, I think Jensen really will choose me. And it does sound cheesy, but it's like that."  
  
"Damn you're right." Chad rested his head on Jared's shoulder, sighing. "It does sound cheesy."  
  
Jared chuckled. "I warned you…"  
  
"Yep just like I warned you to leave town… Maybe you should have...Too late to go back now… So how exactly are we going to get ten grand?"  
  
"I don't know… I thought of maybe calling my brother and asking for his help but…" Jared winced, not that he didn't like his family in anything, but it had been quite a few years since he talked to Jeff. He didn't even show up the day Jared has been officially ordained. And Jared could already hear Jeff's voice over the phone, asking him why he needed the money so badly. Jared would have to lie. And for Jensen or not, he wasn't too fond of this idea.  
  
"Yeah you do that… Call your brother… Meanwhile I'll get you … let's say five thousand?"  
  
"What?" Jared turned his head trying to look at Chad but he wasn't really paying attention to Jared anymore, still pressed against him he was looking for something in his pockets. Gum, Jared found out seconds later. Chad really did quit smoking.  
  
"How are you..."  
  
"Let's not worry about how… And trust me you don't want to know. Just call your brother, get the rest of the money and then we'll see…"  
  
Chad stretched a little bit and stood up, grinning at Jared. "Chad… Why are you even doing this?"  
  
"Honestly? I just want to see how this fucked up story is gonna end."  
  
→  
  
It took Jared less than a week to get all of the money and a very weird conversation over the phone with his brother. But here it was… Ten thousand dollars, just like Alastair had asked. That and the right to have Jensen for a few days. Jared honestly didn't know if it was a lot of money, he never really worked in his life and everything he had well… It was thanks to the church. Maybe he should have been ashamed to put that much money into Jensen but he wasn’t.  
  
It just seemed too unreal, he would get to wake up in the morning and see Jensen's face right next to him, for now Jared's desires were as simple as that and he tried to shake away that feeling, that part of himself screaming  _wrong_  and how it was going to end badly for Jared. Prostitution. It was a sin. Jared, no matter how good he claimed his intention to be, was still paying to have Jensen. It was still wrong in a sense that no law could fix that, Jensen was still a child and ten grand wasn't going to give him his innocence back. Jared sighed, carefully putting the money into an envelope.  
  
Was it too formal? He didn't even know how to do this. An envelope seemed like the better way to do that, a plastic bag would easily give him away and Jared didn't want that to happen. There an envelope. He put it on the bed and he continued packing. Yes, packing. Jared was taking Jensen away, in his old grandpa house to be more precise. It was in that part of the country where you've got nothing but miles of miles of green forest, lakes and one house from time to time.  
  
Jared's grandfather used to use the place when he was still writing, now he was retired and the place was empty most of the time and Jared couldn't wait to be there. Which also include to leave the church for three whole days but Chad had promised he would come by regularly and even sleep there if he had too. And after everything he'd done for him, Jared knew he could trust Chad completely. He could remember the smug smile on his face as he gave the money to Jared.  
  
"Don't ask, just go get Jensen, okay?" Those had been Chad's exact words as he left, like it was absolutely nothing and completely natural.  
  
It meant a lot to Jared and he needed to find a way to thank Chad somehow. Jared smiled as he stared down at his bag, asking himself if he had packed enough clothes. His grandpa told him over the phone he would send someone over there so there will be some food for them. Jared couldn't wait to cook for Jensen, the boy was probably not used to a home cooked meal and more importantly, Jared wanted to see the radiant smile on his face. Yes. It would be perfect.  
  
Jared left the church with that thought in mind, bag over the shoulder. He didn't have the patience to wait for Chad show up so he just went inside his car and started the engine, eagerly heading toward the bar, still smiling. Like before, Jared stopped before he was even near it and did the rest of the distance by foot. He realized it was the first time he was coming here in day time. It felt weird, and really like walking into a dream. Jared didn't want to wake up, not now and definitely not in three days.  
  
It wasn't Katie at the door but a guy actually bigger than Jared, probably here to scare away the needy customers. Maybe Jared should have worn his black clothes, he would have been more recognizable. Well… Too late for that. Jared cleared his throat to catch the guy's attention, he was just standing there in his suit and he almost looked like a statue.  
  
"I'm… I'm here to see Alastair. It's about Jensen."  
  
"You've got the money?" Jared nodded vigorously and reached to his back pocket, giving the envelope him and the other man immediately started counting. This was kind of new for Jared and part of him wished the other man didn't have to do it right here. But then again, Jared knew he was just playing the hypocrite. Yes, he was buying Jensen, might as well assume it, right? And like to answer to his silence question, the man looked up at Jared with a smile.  
  
"Well looks like you're going to have a pretty good time Father, wait here."  
  
He ran one hand through his hair, this whole thing was going to drive him crazy. Jared waited a few minutes, but really it felt longer than that, and then the door opened again. He was ready to see Alastair, smiling up at him with that smile of his that actually made Jared shiver and meant quite the opposite.  
  
But it wasn't Alastair, nor was it the other man, no, it was Jensen. And Jared just had the time to register the green eyes and the freckles before the boy jumped on him, wrapping his arms around his neck. Jared's body reacted on his own as he wrapped his own arms around Jensen's waist and before he knew what was happening, Jensen was kissing him. All tongue and teeth… Jared growled and before he knew it he was responding to the kiss, Jensen's hands as usual finding his hair and pulling.  
  
Jensen's taste was still as good as he remember and his too talented tongue was moving in sync with Jared, his body pressed against Jared's. They broke the kiss panting, Jensen still smiling and looking actually proud of himself.  
  
"Hi… so I heard you're stealing me away for a few days?"  
  
Jensen was actually glowing, just like the last time Jared saw him, his eyes so green and his expression one of pure happiness.  
  
"I don't think  _stealing_  is the right word."  
  
Jensen rolled his eyes and Jared chuckled. "Whatever, put me down so we can go before I wake up and realize all of this is just another dream."  
  
Jared did as Jensen asked, part of him sad to hear those words. He would make those three days something Jensen would not forget, that he could always remember with a proud smile on his face. Jared then noticed that Jensen was wearing a batman shirt with some blue faded jeans, bag over his shoulder. Jared couldn't help but smile even wider at the sight, this was the most casual he ever saw Jensen. He really looked like a twelve years old boy. And he must have caught Jared's look because he rolled his eyes again.  
  
"Yes, I know, I look good… Can we please go now?"  
  
Jensen asked the last question handing his own hand to Jared and he didn't even hesitate as he took the small hand inside of his, leading them to his car. Jensen was walking fast and Jared could understand why.  
  
"Eager, hmm?"  
  
"You have absolutely no fucking idea." Jensen declared in a breath before he cleared his throat."I mean yeah…"  
  
"It's okay Jensen, I don't mind you swearing."  
  
"Oh… fine, because it tends to happen when I'm nervous."  
  
"You… nervous?"  
  
"Yes Jared, this… this thing is kinda of a big deal for me too you know."  
  
Jensen didn't elaborate and Jared looked down at him, then to where both their hands were linked. He smiled softly before looking back to Jensen. The boy was still smiling but his expression had hardened in some way.  
  
"It's a big deal for me too Jensen, hope you realize it?"  
  
Jensen looked up at those words, one eyebrow raised, like he didn't quite believe Jared. And Jared was about to answer to his look but they finally arrived in front of Jared's car.  
  
"So… this is my car, you can put your bag in the trunk… Wait, I'll do that for you, just get inside."  
  
"Sure."  
  
Jensen handed him his bag and before Jared could really process what was happening, Jensen was sitting in the car, right next to him, as they were living town. The car was so silent and Jared wondered if he should say something or put some music. Damn. He had to focus on the road but all he wanted was to stare at Jensen, count down the freckles on his face, and compliment him on his shirt. Normal things. But in the day light, things seemed different. Jensen didn't have to run away, Alastair wouldn't come to disturb them. It was scary. Jared was thinking about something clever to say when Jensen opened the window.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Don't tell me you didn't notice? We're finally out of town." Jensen said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world before he pressed himself against the door car, head outside the car. Jared smiled, pressing the pedal to go faster. He heard Jensen scream, shouts of true happiness and when he sat back in his seat, he was giggling.  
  
"Sorry… That was so stupid… I'll just…" Jensen giggled again before he closed the window.  
  
"Jensen…don't ever apologize for being yourself… You are a kid you know."  
  
"I'm not!"  
  
"Jensen… You're only twelve…"  
  
"What do you mean only twelve?"  
  
Jared dared drifting his eyes from the road and he couldn't help but smile seeing Jensen, arms crossed around his chest, glaring up at him.  
  
"Jared… Please, I don't want you to treat me like a child okay? It's annoying especially knowing what I do for a living, I'm not that stupid."  
  
"I never said you…" Jared sighed, his eyes leaving the road once more time. Those green eyes were convincing, but he still wanted to argue. “You're saying that like it's a bad thing…. Jensen, you deserve to have a normal childhood, some friends of your age, go to school and do silly things! I just… don't want you to regret this."  
  
Once more, the car was silent and Jared couldn't even look at the boy because they were entering the hallway. And it remained quiet for what seemed forever, Jared feeling Jensen's eyes on him. Burning him. He didn't know what Jensen hoped to find staring at him. He wouldn't find his soul, that was for sure, but Jared meant every word he said. Jensen would grow up and he would probably regret not having enough time to just be a child. Those moments were precious and important, he needed to have a few of them in his life. No matter how heavy the price was. The tension was finally over when Jensen let escape a deep sigh.  
  
"Okay fine… do what you want, if you think this is better…" Jensen grabbed one of Jared's hands, lacing their fingers together once more. “Then I guess its okay."  
  
"Thank you Jensen."  
  
"No need to thank me. We'll see how it turns out…" Jensen yawned, covering his mouth with his free hand. "Sorry. Rough night." He chuckled. "In every sense of the word."  
  
"Want to talk about it?" Jared's voice was a low whisper, his heart suddenly beating faster. This was something Jensen never talked about, not even with Katie. And even if Jared didn't want to hear it, he knew sometimes talking was the best way to deal with something. Even if the truth was nasty and ugly, even if the truth was hundred of mouths and hands touching Jensen… Yes, in his mind, Jared could see men without any face and no shame at all, claiming the boy over and over again, and off course, Jensen would moan for them and off course, he would spread his legs for all of them. Jensen squeezed Jared's hand, snapping him out of his thought.  
  
"To answer to your question… no. Besides I don't think you want to hear it."  
  
"I'm a priest Jensen, I can hear anything you know that?"  
  
"Yeah I know. Just… Not this one okay?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
Jensen yawned again and Jared chuckled. "You know… You could go to the backseat and get some sleep."  
  
"No way! This is my first day with you… I don't wanna be all sleepy."  
  
"It's okay Jensen, I don't mind. Don't feel like you have to stay awake for me…"  
  
"Okay, okay, just wake me up as soon as we get there, promise?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Jensen unfastened his seat bell and leaned into Jared's space to drop a quick and gentle kiss on his cheek before making his way to the backseat. Ten minutes later, Jensen was asleep, Jared glancing at him from time to time.  
It was going to be okay.  
  
→  
  
When Jared stopped hours later and got out of the car, he was in complete awe of the house and its surroundings. And he thought churches were beautiful… This place was absolutely divine. It was a small cottage surrounded by trees and there was even a lake a few miles away. There was no one around, no sound, except for the few birds singing and the distant sound of water. It was absolutely perfect. He couldn't wait to show it to Jensen. Jared opened the door and he paused for a minute. Jensen was curled in the backseat in the most adorable way, chest slowly rising and falling. Maybe he could give the boy a few more minutes.  
  
Jared emptied the trunk, going into the house. He opened all the windows and checked if the food was there. There was one message on the phone and he suspected it was from his grandpa. He would listen to it later; right now he really needed to wake Jensen. So Jared went back outside, Jensen hadn't move at all, he was still sound asleep.  
  
"Jensen…wake up. We're here." Jared pressed one hand against his stomach, gently trying to wake him up. Jensen moaned and huffed softly and yet he didn't open his eyes.  
  
"Well..." Jared shrugged; he decided to carry the boy inside the house. It still felt amazingly right to have Jensen pressed against him. Jared would never get tired of that feeling. He closed the car with one hand, feeling Jensen move against him.  
  
"Jensen?"  
  
The boy's head was now resting on the crook of Jared's neck and he rubbed his face against Jared's skin, moaning. Even asleep, Jensen was driving him crazy with his small touches, it was truly insane. Jared's palm found his back and he stroked him gently.  
  
"Hmmm… arrived?" Jensen mumbled and Jared smiled, closing the door behind them with one foot.  
  
"Yes, Jensen, we're here, you need to see something." Jared lead them to the bedroom and by that time, the boy was rubbing his face with his hands, trying to wake up. "Look."  
  
Jared went in front of the window and he turned to Jensen to watch the boy's face change as he was taking in the view they had from the bedroom. It was a clear opening to the lake, no tree to block the view, but just shining and appealing water. And Jensen's face passed from obvious annoyance to the surprise and then he turned to Jared, kissing him deeply.  
  
"This is beautiful."  
  
He whispered between two kisses, Jared already feeling that familiar rush of want that was running through his veins every time they were kissing. It seemed to all fall in place as Jensen was rubbing against Jared's body without any shame, every single one of his movements pure torture for the man. He felt his knees go weak as they kissed again, Jensen's tongue leading the way as usual, his clothes brushing against Jared's, close but never enough. Jared growled when the boy's tongue tasted his jaw, his hands holding on his shoulder like Jared was somehow more important than oxygen itself, legs around Jared's waist. Yes, Jared wanted to spread Jensen on the bed and rip off all of his clothes and…  
  
"Jensen."  
  
He stopped the kiss with all the self control he had, much more like the little he had left before he put Jensen back on his feet.  
  
"Jensen I…"  
  
Jared took a few step away, the boy was looking at him with so much intensity, green eyes dark with lust, shirt all wrinkled. Jared took a deep breath and he ended up in a growl as he saw Jensen readjust himself. The boy was probably hard. He had done it with a smirk like he knew exactly what Jared wanted.  
  
"You… Are you hungry?"  
  
It was the best Jared could do. He still didn't trust himself around Jensen. Yes, he wanted to touch, he wanted to find out every single way to make Jensen moan, arch and come like that one night in the rain, when everything had seemed so sudden and quick and important in the semi darkness. Jared loved that rush but he also wanted to give Jensen everything. Jensen sighed, like he knew Jared needed to do things his way.  
  
"Yes, starving in fact."  
  
"Okay… I'll go start dinner."  
  
"Okay. Where is the bathroom?"  
  
"First door on the left."  
  
Jensen left the room without adding anything else and Jared rubbed his hand on his face. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he thought as he made his way to the kitchen. Jared didn't know what control was anymore, it was like all he could see was Jensen's beauty. And the more he looked, the more he was falling and there was no doubt that the landing was going to be harsh and brutal. Jared surely didn't want this to end. When Jensen got back from the bathroom, he was smiling again and Jared had already started cooking, ready to impress the boy.  
  
"How about some lasagna?"  
  
"Oh so you can cook too?" Jensen sat at the kitchen counter, head resting on his hands.  
  
"Yes… I think I’m a pretty decent cook."  
  
"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"  
  
Jared chuckled. "Are you at least going to help me?"  
  
"Oh hell no… I'll just stand here and be pretty."  
  
To prove his point, Jensen jumped to his feet and went to open the fridge. He grabbed a can of coke and started drinking, eyes on Jared as he was returning to his seat. Jared laughed. Jensen had probably no idea of how adorable he was. Or maybe he did. Anyway, cooking in front of the boy didn't feel weird at all. Jensen eventually broke the silence, asking Jared what he was doing or why he was using that ingredient instead of another.  
  
"Man… I wish I could cook like you." Jensen finally declared.  
  
Jared was washing his hands with a smile, everything was done now, the lasagna was in the oven, all they had to do was wait. Jared turned around, wiping his hand with a towel.  
  
"Well you could… I mean… I could teach you, it's not that difficult."  
  
"I suppose I could… But it's not like…Anyway… How long do we have to wait?"  
  
"About an hour…Wanna watch some TV?"  
  
"Yeah sure."  
  
It was nice, Jared let Jensen pick the channel he wanted, not really interested in actually watching. No, he was way too content to have Jensen's body pressed against his own and watch as their legs were tangled together, one of his arms around the small waist. At first, Jensen had looked at his hand very strangely, like he didn't expect Jared to do that, before he actually relaxed, a small smile on his face, green eyes apparently focused on the screen. Jared liked this Jensen, the small and happy boy, no trace of sarcasm or bitterness.  
  
He still couldn't quite read the boy's face or know what he was thinking, but this was a start. When dinner was finally ready, Jared waited politely until Jensen took the first bite, figuring out that the boy didn't want to say grace. After the small talk they had about God and going to hell, Jared felt like it was better this way. And he swore he didn't react when Jensen moaned, mouth around the fork, his lips looking so appealing, Jared fighting against the thoughts he had about that particular mouth elsewhere. No, it wasn't right to think about Jensen like that, when they were both sitting on the floor, in his grandpa’s house.  
  
"It's amazing!" Jensen was now eating with so much eagerness that Jared forgot to eat staring at the boy. Jensen noticed it and he rolled his eyes.  
  
"Eat seriously… Before I eat your plate too."  
  
"Really that hungry, hmm?"  
  
"You have no fucking idea!" mumbled Jensen, mouth full. "Katie usually cooks for me you know, but she's not really that great, I mean it's nice of her, but I usually eat a burger or something like that…"  
  
"Oh yeah… Not that great, hmmm?"  
  
"Nope. Really not that great. Hey hand me the water please?"  
  
"Here. So… How is it to live… you know…"  
  
Jensen paused for a second, fork in mouth, looking at Jared for a brief moment before he started eating again. "It's okay I guess… The girls are nice to me… I mean we're all in the same boat right? At first some of them were nasty. They thought I wouldn't survive a week… But now they all come for me so." There was some sort of pride in Jensen's voice and he had a small smirk on his face but he seemed to notice the look Jared was giving him so he just focused on his plate.  
  
Jared didn't know how Jensen was doing it, how was he so light about something so awful and something horrible that the simple thought of it had Jared's stomach curling. Jensen couldn't be enjoying it, no, and yet when he was kissing Jared, it felt real, it felt like Jensen needed it, needed him more than anything. Was that a lie too? Did Jensen just do it because he knew how? How to make Jared needy and restless, how to taunt him in every single way? Jared wanted to believe so badly in the version of Jensen he sometimes got to see, maybe he was just fooling himself. Jensen moved, sliding next to him, hands on Jared.  
  
"Thinking hard, hmm?"  
  
"Yeah I…"  
  
Jensen kissed the corner of his mouth quickly, the kiss so brief Jared found himself leaning into it, missing the taste of Jensen. Jensen chuckled, fingers tracing the outline of Jared's veins. Just like that, the tension from earlier was back and Jared watched as Jensen's fingers made their way up, on his forearm, his skin on fire where Jensen was touching him.  
  
"Hmm… I could use a shower now."  
  
Jared barely had the time to register what Jensen said, before the boy was taking off his shirt right in front of him, revealing that perfect skin of his Jared could spend hours kissing. Then Jensen's face was right there, right next to his, his lips twitch into a smile.  
  
"And when I said that, I think you should join me."  
  
Another kiss and Jensen was gone, heading to the bathroom, Jared's eyes on his back, watching the slope of his spine and the curve of his ass. "Damn it." He finally let out. Jared's hands were shaking and he tried to get a hold of himself before doing anything. As he stood up, he realized how uncomfortable he was in his pants, he ran one hand over his crotch and right there, he was moaning in the middle of the living room.  
  
He took a deep breath, running both of his hands through his hair, fighting the want and the brutal need to drop his pants and touch himself like Jensen did, breaking all of Jared's resistance. But Jared never dared touch himself, not before Jensen, not even when all the boys of his age had been curious, not even when they called Jared a freak for not even thinking about girls. And now he was thinking about touching and kissing a twelve year old boy. How was that better? It wasn't.  
  
Jared shook his head, no need to think about that now. He grabbed the plates and wash them, covering up the rest of lasagna and putting them in the fridge, maybe Jensen would want to finish the whole thing tomorrow… He paced in the kitchen, his heart beating loud, trying to buy himself some time. And running away from something he actually wanted some really stupid and …  
  
"Come on Jared, he's just a boy…" Another lie just to get himself to move, Jared made his way to the bathroom, the door was slightly opened and he could hear the sound of water running. Jensen truly was a perfect tease. Jared pushed the door opened slowly and he immediately spotted the rest of Jensen's clothes, he then looked up and that was when he saw the boy. And also when he realized that Jensen didn't need to be anything else to drive Jared crazy.  
  
The boy was facing Jared, eyes closed and a smile on his face as he was washing his hair, water sliding all along his skin. Jared was getting harder at that simple sight, Jensen wasn't doing anything particular, but his skin wet, the drops sliding along his collarbone, the trail of freckles starting inside his neck and going down to his small hairless cock…  
  
Jared felt his mouth water because there was so much he wanted to touch, the feeling of wrong still there and making everything even more real and present that he couldn't stop wanting. He just couldn't. He closed the door with his foot, finally stepping inside the bathroom and Jensen opened his eyes, they seemed so clear and so green, the water somehow revealing more freckles on his cheeks. He didn't talk and yet Jensen's gaze was so intense that Jared knew there was no way he could say no to him.  
  
Jared took off his clothes as quick as he could, completely ignoring his erection as he stepped into the shower with the boy. His hands were shaking and he honestly didn't know what to do with them and if it weren't for the water against his skin right now, Jared might have go crazy with want and need. He just didn't know what to do and as usual it was scaring him. And before he had the time to steady his breathing, Jensen's hands were just there, against his skin.  
  
It shouldn't have felt this intimate, it shouldn't have felt this good and yet Jared did nothing to stop it, he just stood there and watched, watched as Jensen grabbed the soap and started washing him. Some kind of determination in his eyes. Like it was important that he did this, that he did this one thing right. At some point, Jared had to kneel so Jensen could wash the rest of his body. Jared was still hard and his skin still feel incredibly hot, even despite the water but Jensen didn't touch him. And in a way, Jared was glad.  
  
Too soon, the moment was over and Jensen stopped, going out of the bathroom, body still wet. The sight was absolutely marvelous and Jared's eyes followed the curve of his ass, tempted to grab the boy by the hips and press him against the door and do things he never thought he knew before. He dried himself as quickly as he could. He still avoided his erection, pretending that part of him didn't even exist. Back in the bedroom there was no sign of Jensen and Jared sighed putting on some cottons pants and a shirt.  
  
Jensen was probably in the living room, watching some more TV. And Jared sat down on the bed, just for a minute he thought of his bible, still in the car. He didn't have the courage to take the thing anymore or even pray these past few days. A priest not praying. Talk about irony. Jared just couldn't. Because if God made everything, why make Jared this way? This way he couldn't resist the boy. And also why make Jensen this way? Sure, the boy wasn't all innocent but it wasn't the devil in his eyes, it was pure lust and want.  
  
"Jared?"  
  
Jared's body once again reacted on his own as he automatically raised his head, looking up to see Jensen. Jared gasped at what he saw. He always found Jensen beautiful, even more that particular night when his clothes were soaking wet, but what he had in front of him… This wasn't the Jensen he liked. This was just… _fake_. And all wrong.  
  
The boy was wearing that short blond wig of his once again and he had lipstick on, lips shining pink, and truly the color was just an insult to Jensen's plush lips, and the blue dress he had somehow fitted him but Jared much preferred him in his jeans or in his short. It was just too tight, showing Jensen's appealing small legs just like the first Jared did see him.  
  
"Jensen… what are you doing?"  
  
Jared's voice was just a whisper, barely even trusting himself and he could feel his cock more present than ever, his own body betraying him because he actually loved to see Jensen that way and he would also more than appreciate being able to kiss the boy and check if he was wearing underwear or not.  
  
"Don't talk."  
  
Jensen's tone was firm, that same intensity in his eyes and he straddled Jared's lap in that elegant way, like he was meant to be here and here only and he wrapped his arms around Jared's neck and tried to kiss him. He didn't succeed because Jared tried to push him away with all he had, despite how good it felt to have Jensen's right there.  
  
"Jensen…" He moaned as the boy's mouth landed on his jaw, sucking. "Jensen…" There was a gasp and Jensen distracted him with his fingers underneath Jared's shirt. "Jensen… don't… don't … We don't…" Jared closed his eyes for a moment, trying to ignore how hard he was and Jensen's mouth sucking on his earlobe, the sound so obscene it shouldn't be allowed. "Jensen. I mean it."  
  
When he opened his eyes, he grabbed Jensen by the hip and push him away, back into the bed, the boy making a sound between a scream and noise.  
  
"Please!" He screamed as he tried to crawl back into Jared's arms.  
  
Jared was having none of that and he stood up, trying to put some distance between him and Jensen.  
  
"Please." repeated the boy. He sounded desperate, he kneeled on the bed, lipstick all messed up and Jared was sure it was tears in those eyes just like he knew that it was hurt all over Jensen's features. And fear. But the fear of what? Jared couldn't guess, Jensen had to let him in at some point. Jensen tried to move but Jared stopped him right there, one hand in front of him like it could actually protect him.  
  
"Stay exactly where you are Jensen… why are you doing this? We don't have to… To do anything, I know I paid but…" Jared had to take a deep breath or he was sure going to choke because he was unprepared for all of this.  
  
"I don't know!" Jensen was screaming and it was just getting worse. It was worse than hearing him being all biter and sarcastic, right here and now, he just sounded like a scared little boy. But wasn't it what Jared wanted in the first place? He didn't know anymore.  
  
"I don't know! I thought you would like it! I don't know what you want Jared, I told you! I always know. I'm good at this… Some sick bastards love to hear me scream and beg for it, others just want me to lay still and take it, hell, that one time one guy even ask me to pretend to be his wife and feed him while we were doing it! But with you I just don't fucking know and it's not okay… That's not how it works… I'm supposed to… I'm supposed to make you feel good and important, that's the only thing I'm good at…"  
  
It seemed like Jensen's last resistances were finally breaking down, no more lies or hiding behind a clever sentence, he took of his wig with a sigh, and wiped angrily the tears on both his cheeks with the back of his hand. Jared felt more than sorry for the boy, he felt like his heart was actually aching for Jensen. Jensen, who thought he was useless and all he could do was please people.  
  
"Jensen…listen to me." Jared leaned closer, kneeling in front of the bed so he wouldn't do anything he would regret and the boy watched his every move looking at him with that same wounded look. Jared winced, he had done that, just because he couldn't make up his mind about what he truly wanted, he had hurt Jensen. One of his hands reached for Jensen's knees, and it stayed right there, Jensen's whole body easing at the touch.  
  
"I'm sorry, I wish I just… somehow turn back time and… make it all better but… trust me when I say that you're better than this. You're not just a toy."  
  
"I am. And you don't see it Jared, I'm empty. Right here" Jensen took one of Jared's hands and pressed it against his chest, the boy was shivering. “I'm empty."  
  
"Oh Jensen… No you're not… Come here." Jared crawled back into the bed and wrapped both of his arms around Jensen's, Jensen pressing his head inside his chest, still shaking against him.  
  
"I am Jared, I'm empty, I'm fucked up… I get that you want the real Jensen. I just… I just don't know who he is anymore. Best case scenario? He died in that fire too. I'm sorry I'm wasting your time."  
  
"Hey Jensen no. Trust me, you're not a waste of time… You're just lost, I can fix it, okay?"  
  
Jensen nodded slightly before he pressed himself even more against Jared, hands fisting his shirt like he was about to rip it, Jared also tightened his grip, sure he was crushing the boy but Jensen didn't seem to mind. And he fell asleep like that, Jared holding him tight, chin resting on the top of his head, breathing slowly as Jared was staring at the window. Hoping he could keep his promise. Because if not it would be just a lie and he wouldn't be different than any other man in Jensen's life.  
  
He couldn't let him down now.  
  


→  
Jared could have been woken up by the sounds of the birds, singing in their own way, at his window at six am precisely. But he didn't. He could have been woken up by the sun outside, the light coming into the room. But he didn't. What woke him up was something better, something sweeter. And he moaned slightly as he felt something warm and wet against his neck. He smiled in his sleep, both eyes closed, wondering what it was.  
  
For a minute, he just laid down there and enjoyed the sensation as he slowly regained consciousness, second by second. His feet were cold, he must have forgotten to put the cover on, his legs were numb and for some reason, he was already hard in his pants, and it hitched and there was something soft and sweet against his arms.  
  
"Jensen…" Jared opened his eyes slowly to find Jensen pressing kisses against his neck, naked body still right next to Jared's. It was like he was trying to fit perfectly inside the shape formed by Jared's massive form, like he was trying to be a part of him. Jared liked that idea a lot, just like he liked the smile Jensen offered him when he pull away from Jared's neck lips beautiful and red.  
  
"Hey." he whispered against Jared's lips.  
  
"Hey, you're not gone." As he said that, Jared's hands were travelling on Jensen's hip, following the very appealing curve. Jensen was so small and yet there seemed to have so much of him to discover, to explore and to mark. Jensen's eyes drifted to Jared's fingers for a moment before he pressed a small kiss on Jared's lips. Jared wanted it to last and he tried to kiss Jensen back, but the boy was already pulling away, chuckling.  
  
Before Jared had a chance to chase him, Jensen was there, rolling his small body on the top of Jared's and Jared moaned feeling Jensen's small curves against him. He couldn't help but wrap his arms around the small waist once more, trapping the boy against him. Jensen wasn't going anywhere it seemed, no, not when he was leaning to Jared's face looking him  _that_  way…  
  
But Jared didn't have time to analyze too much that look before Jensen's mouth was on his and every other thought he might have faded away. Otherwise he would probably have thought of last night, because the green eyes were full of despair, asking "please save me" in some other way… It was hard to think because Jensen's mouth was on his right now, hard to think because he wasted absolutely no time, his tongue pushing between Jared's lips and capturing Jared's to kiss him. It felt amazingly good, soft and yet demanding, Jensen being the one leading the kiss the whole time.  
  
And Jared let him, lying down there and trying to remember how to breathe with this tiny little body over his. Jensen only broke the kiss for a few seconds, lips red, eyes staring at Jared for a few seconds. He wondered what Jensen saw, that made him kiss Jared again, his tongue moving and lapping Jared's mouth faster than before, Jared's body was more than awake now and he moaned as his hands starting moving against Jensen's skin. He didn't dream that part, Jensen's kisses still felt like heaven and his body so right against Jared.  
  
The boy was arching into every single touch as Jared's shaky fingers traced his spine and he was moaning into Jared's mouth by the time the man reached his ass, squeezing it harder and harder, especially when Jensen was twitching against him after every single touch. His skin was brushing against Jared's clothed one but he could still feel himself very hard in his jeans and like every time with Jensen, he felt like he was about to explode, combust from the inside.  
  
Small hands found his hair and pulled Jared, forcing him to raise his head a little bit. Jared growled. He felt he was melting underneath the boy and Jensen wasn't even doing anything. His touches were light and yet his kiss was passionate, a contradiction that was slowly reducing Jared to nothing but moans and growls and it should have been embarrassing, really but it wasn't. When Jensen stopped the kiss Jared whimpered, not yet ready to let go, already addicted to the sweet and unique taste. Jensen smiled at him, already licking his lips.  
  
"Shh… Relax, I've got you okay?"  
  
Jared found himself nodding, heart beating faster than ever, big chest moving against Jensen's, his eyes looking up to the boy. It should have been the opposite, maybe if Jared tried to flip Jensen over maybe he could have… But no, Jared was on his elbows when he stopped, watching how the morning light was making Jensen's hair shine like gold, showing every freckles he had on his face, his eyes so green Jared wanted nothing more but to kiss him again. Instead he just lay down on the bed as Jensen gently pushed him onto it.  
  
Jensen then disappeared from his sight as he slid along his body, Jared gasped feeling the fabric of his shirt brush against his skin as Jensen lifted it up, then lips were against his stomach and he moaned, arching into the touch, definitely more than awake, his cock so hard Jared was sure it was already leaking. Yes, he felt wet, hot and cold at the time, Jensen too close to where he needed him the most to be. But Jensen took his time, Jared losing it to every single one of his wet kissing, biting his lower lip hard not to come.  
  
No, this was important. Jensen needed to decide how and when he will come. He could at least do this. Jared was holding back his breath too but he didn't notice it until Jensen's fingers found his zipper and he let out a deep gust of air.  
  
"I said relax…" Jensen chuckled. "You've got to learn to listen to what I said Jared. Okay?"  
  
And Jared tried to say yes but it all died in his throat as Jensen was freeing his erection and it became a growl as the small thumb rub against the wet tip of his cock. Jensen repeated the operation, tracing circles on Jared's sensitive skin, making him jump and twitch every time.  
  
"Jensen… Jensen… I…"  
  
Jared didn't even know what he wanted to say, he was so damn close and the sudden rush of want and need and now, was all suddenly back, he naively thought he had it trapped, that he had it all under control but he was clearly wrong. Oh so wrong, he thought, when Jensen's other hand grabbed his cock, stroking him at an insane pace. It was like Jensen knew deep down that Jared liked it hard and fast and he was more than ready to give him to him. Jared closed his eyes and push his head back into the mattress, hips following the movement of Jensen's hands, both of them, smooth and small stroking him, touching him there, and just like that, Jared came.  
  
Gently flowing into Jensen's palms, the boy's hand didn’t stop, stroking him through his orgasm. It wasn't as powerful as the last time, but Jared still felt that feeling of pure bliss and contentment and he moaned the entire time, not realizing how loud he was, his head falling back on one side of the bed, his lips brushing against the sheets. Was this even real? Jared didn't know, he had just come against an innocent hand and he didn't even feel guilty about it, he felt somehow happy and good.  
  
He opened his eyes very slowly and turned his head about to grab Jensen again, but that was before small lips landed on his stealing another kiss. Jared went still for a few moments, taken aback by the power of the kiss. He was still sore from Jensen's hands. But Jensen didn't leave him any time to think, any time for the doubt. When he pulled back, the boy was panting.  
  
"Father, how do you know when you're in love with someone?"  
  
Jared wished he didn't moan hearing Jensen call him like this, but his pants were still pushed to his knees, his dick has gotten soft from Jensen's touches and he could feel some hot sticky come on himself and on the boy's fingers tangled deep inside his hair. And yet, it didn't really matter, not with Jensen's question and the look on his face.  
  
"I…" He swallowed hard, trying to find the right words and not read too much into Jensen's ones.  
  
"I don't know, I guess you just know."  
  
"Never been in love before ?"  
  
"I only love God Jensen."  
  
"Hmmm… I'll guess I have to change that too."  
  
Jensen placed another kiss, quick and light, on Jared's lips and the he was moving again. Jared didn't register what was the boy was doing until he was putting his pants on.  
  
"What… No…"  
  
Jensen turned to him, grin on his face as he was buckling his belt. "Sorry Jared, I have to go… Alastair would kill me if he knew..." Jensen paused, for a moment he looked sad, but then he was smiling at Jared, like he was trying to remain strong. Alastair, the joint, Jared had forgotten all of that in the favour of Jensen's smile and his sweet hands. Jensen was good and he deserved better than all of this.  
  
"Okay fine… But at least… let me... let me drive you there okay?"  
  
Jared was about to get up but he was stopped by Jensen hand's on his strong ones.  
  
"No. No one can know about this, don't tell anyone, not even to Chad okay?"  
  
"How do you know about..."  
  
"Jared please, this is a very small town, you think people don't talk about you? Trust me they do… It's…"  
  
Jensen took a deep breath, small shoulders moving. "It's better like this, trust me."  
  
So Jared did, laying down back in the bed and watching Jensen go. He would never get used of that sight.  
  
→  
  
Except that Jensen didn't show up. It had been two weeks now and he couldn't help but start to get worried. Where was Jensen? Maybe Alastair found out and he ended up having the same kind of punishment that Katie received. No. Not Jensen. Alastair couldn't do that, it wouldn't be good for his business, Jensen was the diamond of his collection, he liked to show him off, he couldn't do that if the boy was carrying some nasty bruises.  
  
No.  
  
No one would lay a finger on Jensen.  
  
Well actually they would but… The thought of it was hard and the first week, Jared couldn't help but turn to the doors every single time someone would step inside the church. But no Jensen. Chad asked him what was wrong at some point but he ignored him, and also the nasty glance Chad gave him leaving the church. He just couldn't tell. He had promised. And he really hoped, that first Sunday after their night together, that Jensen would find a way to come to the mass.  
  
But the boy didn't. Katie did, she was sat in the back and when it was over she gave Jared an apologetic look before leaving. So that was it? Going back to normal? Going back to acting like none of this was real, that Jensen was real, that he was somehow a mirage that Jared had imagined. But no, Jared couldn't make up that, not the way Jensen moved or smiled or not even how he had touched Jensen. Jared didn't know what was hiding behind the word sex before and Jensen made the wait worth it. He should be sorry, he should feel remorse or regret, but he really didn't anymore. He didn't even feel guilty.  
  
And yes, Jared kept praying every day. It was just… All wrong, even if it felt deeply right, there was no other word for it. And as the second week went by, Jared knew something was wrong. Or maybe there was nothing wrong and he was just freaking out because he missed Jensen a lot. Probably more than he should. The longing and the aching were there as usual and as it turned out, Jared just had to learn how to live with them. It wasn't fair, unfair to want something more than he wanted oxygen and yet, he found himself sitting in front of the church every afternoon and until late night, waiting. Waiting for Jensen.  
  
Remembering the little pieces of information he had been willing to share with Jared before going to sleep the other night. His favourite color was blue. He wanted to learn how to speak French because he thought the language sounded funny. He hated the smell of cigarettes more than anything else and he was trying to get Katie to get rid of the nasty habit. Jared sighed, pushing his knees against his chest, chest resting on it, sat outside the church once more.  
  
The day was over and it was that time where you couldn't quite figure out the color of the sky but it was still beautiful, beautiful to watch the sun fall down and disappear, knowing you had nothing to do with it but it was still happening at the end of every day. It was a comforting thought. Not enough to warm up Jared's heart. He wished it could, but it didn't, he wanted to see Jensen, press kisses against his temple and fall asleep with that last image in his mind: Jensen's eyes on him like he cared and like Jared actually mattered.  
  
Jared growled and buried his head between his hands. If only he could stop thinking about it and actually do  _something_. When Jared raised his head again, he knew what he had to do. There was no other way, he had to go see Alistair and ask. Just ask what he could do to get another glimpse of Jensen, because yes, Jared was addicted. He wished he could say his fingers weren't shaking or his heart wasn't beating fast when his car stopped a few blocks away from the bar. But that just wasn’t who Jared was. He covered the rest of the distance by foot, realizing in the process, that he was still wearing his black outfit. Too late to go back now.  
  
That was just a part of who he was and no need to be ashamed of that now. He wasn't before. This was all because of Jensen, because the boy had made him realize he had no reason to be afraid of his own skin, because it was good, good to feel small blunt nails crazed against his skin and bring him over the edge. Jared spotted Katie long before the blond saw him and when she did, she walked toward him and put one hand on his chest.  
  
"No. You don't want to do this."  
  
"I need to see…"  
  
"I know you want to see Jensen but trust me you can't be here, Jared, seriously…"  
  
Katie was trying to push him away as Jared wanted to go in there himself, but he could see this was useless, especially because Katie looked completely panicked. Scared even. Jared took a deep breath and paused.  
  
"Katie. I don't wanna see Jensen, I promised. Well... He's kind of the reason I'm here, I need to see Alastair."  
  
"What?"  
  
Katie laughed for a moment but she must have seen the look on Jared's face because she rolled her eyes.  
  
"Are you nuts? You two fucking morons are going to give me a fucking heart attack. You know what Jared, you should be grateful Alastair didn't find out about the little visit Jensen paid you the other night!"  
  
"How…"  
  
"How did I know? Because the kid fucking tells me everything! That's how I know. You should leave. Now. Jensen doesn't need this kind of bullshit in his life."  
  
"Oh yes, because of course you know what's best for him, right?"  
  
"And now you're being judgmental?  _You_  of all people? You're a fucking priest Jared, so fuck you !"  
  
Jared paused, getting angry at her wouldn't solve anything. He took a deep breath. "I  _need_  to see Alastair. You don't want me in there? Fine I'll just wait here." To prove his point, Jared stepped back, eyes into Katie's. She looked at him during a long minute before she sighed.  
  
"Fine. But stay here. If you step inside, you're dead, understood?"  
  
Jared nodded but she was already gone, pushing the door of the bar open and closing it well behind her. It was a clear indication that Jared was unwelcomed inside. And he waited, arms crossed on his chest, trying to steady his breathing and not make a fool out of himself like the first time. This time, Jared was prepared, because he knew that no matter what Alastair could do to Jensen, it didn't really matter, Jensen needed to be the one in control, the one to decide if this was important or not.  
  
And he had decided that Jared was important. And right now, it was all there was in Jared's mind. It still was when the door was pushed once more, revealing Alastair. He smiled when he saw Jared, not even a smirk, a real smile.  
  
"Good evening Father… Funny seeing you here…"  
  
"I respected my promise. I'm not inside your house."  
  
"Yes, I appreciate the effort…" He closed the door completely behind him, rubbing his hands as he stepped toward Jared. "And what do I owe such pleasure? You didn't come all the way here, scaring Katie, just to talk. Am I right?"  
  
Jared nodded and was about to talk but Alastair stopped him by a gesture of his hands, still heading closer. But Jared wasn’t about to step back and give up. "No, I came here for …"  
  
"You came here for Jensen." Alastair finished for him. "Of course you came here for Jensen, you of all the people are interested in him. Jensen is very … precious to me. But you know that right? He told you, didn't he? I helped him when he was nothing but trash…"  
  
Alastair was talking about Jensen with a sweet, rich voice, almost like he cared. That thought was scary. This was the kind of love Jensen had received all this time ? No wonder everything went wrong, he deserved better. But Jared kept his mouth shut. He wasn't here to argue, just to ask. "Yes I came here for Jensen, but I want you to treat me like…" Jared took a deep breath. "Like any customer, I'm going to pay."  
  
Hearing that, Alastair laughed, cold and bitter, looking at Jared like he couldn't quite believe him. "You? Will pay me? And how?"  
  
"Doesn't matter, you'll have the money, I just want him for a couple of days, okay?" Alastair paused right in front of Jared, he even leaned forward to look inside Jared's eyes. Jared held his gaze and his breath, hoping that whatever twisted and filthy thing Alastair was looking for, he would find it. When he pulled away, he smiled and Jared let escape a deep breath.  
  
"Fine, fine, since you're so sure you can actually change him. I give you three days, and you give me ten thousand dollars and you'll have you deal."  
  
Alastair extended his head and Jared stared at him, unsure for a moment. But this was exactly why he came here right? Jared grabbed Alastair's hand and shook it and as he was about to let go, Alastair grabbed his forearm with his free hand.  
  
"Three days. That's all you get. Then ask him, ask Jensen where he wants to be, what he wants… You'll see he'll come back here. Always."  
  
And Jared wished he had something clever to say. But he didn't, he just pulled out of Alastair' grasp, the man laughing now.  
  
"I'll see you when you have my money Father."  
  
→  
  
"Ten thousand bucks? As in… Wow… Like ten thousand bucks?"  
  
Chad's expression was priceless and other circumstances, Jared could have laughed. Not this time, he was more than determined to find the money, at any cost. He had naïvely said yes, but where was he going to find that money. Just like he had read his mind, Chad turned to him.  
  
"Jared, where the hell are you going to find ten thousand bucks? Did you think of that before you went up there all cocky just because you…"  
  
"Hey!" Jared pushed Chad by the shoulder, both of them sitting in front of the church, as usual. "I didn't go there all cocky. It was important. I had to do it!"  
  
"Yeah… For Jensen, so you can get laid for three days non-stop… Yep, very smart, little advice,  _padre_ , watch porn like everybody else, it's free and … oh it's free." Chad was already laughing at his own joke but Jared thought that it was actually kind of sad that Chad saw it that way.  
  
Maybe that was all there was, sex. Maybe Alastair was right, he was just fooling himself, Jensen was playing him all along and he had no interest other than money. But Jared couldn't give up, that just wasn't who he was, He couldn't give up now.  
  
"It's not just about that Chad, you should have been there … See the look on Alastair's face, like… He knows I'm a threat, I think Jensen really will choose me. And it does sound cheesy, but it's like that."  
  
"Damn you're right." Chad rested his head on Jared's shoulder, sighing. "It does sound cheesy."  
  
Jared chuckled. "I warned you…"  
  
"Yep just like I warned you to leave town… Maybe you should have...Too late to go back now… So how exactly are we going to get ten grand?"  
  
"I don't know… I thought of maybe calling my brother and asking for his help but…" Jared winced, not that he didn't like his family in anything, but it had been quite a few years since he talked to Jeff. He didn't even show up the day Jared has been officially ordained. And Jared could already hear Jeff's voice over the phone, asking him why he needed the money so badly. Jared would have to lie. And for Jensen or not, he wasn't too fond of this idea.  
  
"Yeah you do that… Call your brother… Meanwhile I'll get you … let's say five thousand?"  
  
"What?" Jared turned his head trying to look at Chad but he wasn't really paying attention to Jared anymore, still pressed against him he was looking for something in his pockets. Gum, Jared found out seconds later. Chad really did quit smoking.  
  
"How are you..."  
  
"Let's not worry about how… And trust me you don't want to know. Just call your brother, get the rest of the money and then we'll see…"  
  
Chad stretched a little bit and stood up, grinning at Jared. "Chad… Why are you even doing this?"  
  
"Honestly? I just want to see how this fucked up story is gonna end."  
  
→  
  
It took Jared less than a week to get all of the money and a very weird conversation over the phone with his brother. But here it was… Ten thousand dollars, just like Alastair had asked. That and the right to have Jensen for a few days. Jared honestly didn't know if it was a lot of money, he never really worked in his life and everything he had well… It was thanks to the church. Maybe he should have been ashamed to put that much money into Jensen but he wasn’t.  
  
It just seemed too unreal, he would get to wake up in the morning and see Jensen's face right next to him, for now Jared's desires were as simple as that and he tried to shake away that feeling, that part of himself screaming  _wrong_  and how it was going to end badly for Jared. Prostitution. It was a sin. Jared, no matter how good he claimed his intention to be, was still paying to have Jensen. It was still wrong in a sense that no law could fix that, Jensen was still a child and ten grand wasn't going to give him his innocence back. Jared sighed, carefully putting the money into an envelope.  
  
Was it too formal? He didn't even know how to do this. An envelope seemed like the better way to do that, a plastic bag would easily give him away and Jared didn't want that to happen. There an envelope. He put it on the bed and he continued packing. Yes, packing. Jared was taking Jensen away, in his old grandpa house to be more precise. It was in that part of the country where you've got nothing but miles of miles of green forest, lakes and one house from time to time.  
  
Jared's grandfather used to use the place when he was still writing, now he was retired and the place was empty most of the time and Jared couldn't wait to be there. Which also include to leave the church for three whole days but Chad had promised he would come by regularly and even sleep there if he had too. And after everything he'd done for him, Jared knew he could trust Chad completely. He could remember the smug smile on his face as he gave the money to Jared.  
  
"Don't ask, just go get Jensen, okay?" Those had been Chad's exact words as he left, like it was absolutely nothing and completely natural.  
  
It meant a lot to Jared and he needed to find a way to thank Chad somehow. Jared smiled as he stared down at his bag, asking himself if he had packed enough clothes. His grandpa told him over the phone he would send someone over there so there will be some food for them. Jared couldn't wait to cook for Jensen, the boy was probably not used to a home cooked meal and more importantly, Jared wanted to see the radiant smile on his face. Yes. It would be perfect.  
  
Jared left the church with that thought in mind, bag over the shoulder. He didn't have the patience to wait for Chad show up so he just went inside his car and started the engine, eagerly heading toward the bar, still smiling. Like before, Jared stopped before he was even near it and did the rest of the distance by foot. He realized it was the first time he was coming here in day time. It felt weird, and really like walking into a dream. Jared didn't want to wake up, not now and definitely not in three days.  
  
It wasn't Katie at the door but a guy actually bigger than Jared, probably here to scare away the needy customers. Maybe Jared should have worn his black clothes, he would have been more recognizable. Well… Too late for that. Jared cleared his throat to catch the guy's attention, he was just standing there in his suit and he almost looked like a statue.  
  
"I'm… I'm here to see Alastair. It's about Jensen."  
  
"You've got the money?" Jared nodded vigorously and reached to his back pocket, giving the envelope him and the other man immediately started counting. This was kind of new for Jared and part of him wished the other man didn't have to do it right here. But then again, Jared knew he was just playing the hypocrite. Yes, he was buying Jensen, might as well assume it, right? And like to answer to his silence question, the man looked up at Jared with a smile.  
  
"Well looks like you're going to have a pretty good time Father, wait here."  
  
He ran one hand through his hair, this whole thing was going to drive him crazy. Jared waited a few minutes, but really it felt longer than that, and then the door opened again. He was ready to see Alastair, smiling up at him with that smile of his that actually made Jared shiver and meant quite the opposite.  
  
But it wasn't Alastair, nor was it the other man, no, it was Jensen. And Jared just had the time to register the green eyes and the freckles before the boy jumped on him, wrapping his arms around his neck. Jared's body reacted on his own as he wrapped his own arms around Jensen's waist and before he knew what was happening, Jensen was kissing him. All tongue and teeth… Jared growled and before he knew it he was responding to the kiss, Jensen's hands as usual finding his hair and pulling.  
  
Jensen's taste was still as good as he remember and his too talented tongue was moving in sync with Jared, his body pressed against Jared's. They broke the kiss panting, Jensen still smiling and looking actually proud of himself.  
  
"Hi… so I heard you're stealing me away for a few days?"  
  
Jensen was actually glowing, just like the last time Jared saw him, his eyes so green and his expression one of pure happiness.  
  
"I don't think  _stealing_  is the right word."  
  
Jensen rolled his eyes and Jared chuckled. "Whatever, put me down so we can go before I wake up and realize all of this is just another dream."  
  
Jared did as Jensen asked, part of him sad to hear those words. He would make those three days something Jensen would not forget, that he could always remember with a proud smile on his face. Jared then noticed that Jensen was wearing a batman shirt with some blue faded jeans, bag over his shoulder. Jared couldn't help but smile even wider at the sight, this was the most casual he ever saw Jensen. He really looked like a twelve years old boy. And he must have caught Jared's look because he rolled his eyes again.  
  
"Yes, I know, I look good… Can we please go now?"  
  
Jensen asked the last question handing his own hand to Jared and he didn't even hesitate as he took the small hand inside of his, leading them to his car. Jensen was walking fast and Jared could understand why.  
  
"Eager, hmm?"  
  
"You have absolutely no fucking idea." Jensen declared in a breath before he cleared his throat."I mean yeah…"  
  
"It's okay Jensen, I don't mind you swearing."  
  
"Oh… fine, because it tends to happen when I'm nervous."  
  
"You… nervous?"  
  
"Yes Jared, this… this thing is kinda of a big deal for me too you know."  
  
Jensen didn't elaborate and Jared looked down at him, then to where both their hands were linked. He smiled softly before looking back to Jensen. The boy was still smiling but his expression had hardened in some way.  
  
"It's a big deal for me too Jensen, hope you realize it?"  
  
Jensen looked up at those words, one eyebrow raised, like he didn't quite believe Jared. And Jared was about to answer to his look but they finally arrived in front of Jared's car.  
  
"So… this is my car, you can put your bag in the trunk… Wait, I'll do that for you, just get inside."  
  
"Sure."  
  
Jensen handed him his bag and before Jared could really process what was happening, Jensen was sitting in the car, right next to him, as they were living town. The car was so silent and Jared wondered if he should say something or put some music. Damn. He had to focus on the road but all he wanted was to stare at Jensen, count down the freckles on his face, and compliment him on his shirt. Normal things. But in the day light, things seemed different. Jensen didn't have to run away, Alastair wouldn't come to disturb them. It was scary. Jared was thinking about something clever to say when Jensen opened the window.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Don't tell me you didn't notice? We're finally out of town." Jensen said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world before he pressed himself against the door car, head outside the car. Jared smiled, pressing the pedal to go faster. He heard Jensen scream, shouts of true happiness and when he sat back in his seat, he was giggling.  
  
"Sorry… That was so stupid… I'll just…" Jensen giggled again before he closed the window.  
  
"Jensen…don't ever apologize for being yourself… You are a kid you know."  
  
"I'm not!"  
  
"Jensen… You're only twelve…"  
  
"What do you mean only twelve?"  
  
Jared dared drifting his eyes from the road and he couldn't help but smile seeing Jensen, arms crossed around his chest, glaring up at him.  
  
"Jared… Please, I don't want you to treat me like a child okay? It's annoying especially knowing what I do for a living, I'm not that stupid."  
  
"I never said you…" Jared sighed, his eyes leaving the road once more time. Those green eyes were convincing, but he still wanted to argue. “You're saying that like it's a bad thing…. Jensen, you deserve to have a normal childhood, some friends of your age, go to school and do silly things! I just… don't want you to regret this."  
  
Once more, the car was silent and Jared couldn't even look at the boy because they were entering the hallway. And it remained quiet for what seemed forever, Jared feeling Jensen's eyes on him. Burning him. He didn't know what Jensen hoped to find staring at him. He wouldn't find his soul, that was for sure, but Jared meant every word he said. Jensen would grow up and he would probably regret not having enough time to just be a child. Those moments were precious and important, he needed to have a few of them in his life. No matter how heavy the price was. The tension was finally over when Jensen let escape a deep sigh.  
  
"Okay fine… do what you want, if you think this is better…" Jensen grabbed one of Jared's hands, lacing their fingers together once more. “Then I guess its okay."  
  
"Thank you Jensen."  
  
"No need to thank me. We'll see how it turns out…" Jensen yawned, covering his mouth with his free hand. "Sorry. Rough night." He chuckled. "In every sense of the word."  
  
"Want to talk about it?" Jared's voice was a low whisper, his heart suddenly beating faster. This was something Jensen never talked about, not even with Katie. And even if Jared didn't want to hear it, he knew sometimes talking was the best way to deal with something. Even if the truth was nasty and ugly, even if the truth was hundred of mouths and hands touching Jensen… Yes, in his mind, Jared could see men without any face and no shame at all, claiming the boy over and over again, and off course, Jensen would moan for them and off course, he would spread his legs for all of them. Jensen squeezed Jared's hand, snapping him out of his thought.  
  
"To answer to your question… no. Besides I don't think you want to hear it."  
  
"I'm a priest Jensen, I can hear anything you know that?"  
  
"Yeah I know. Just… Not this one okay?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
Jensen yawned again and Jared chuckled. "You know… You could go to the backseat and get some sleep."  
  
"No way! This is my first day with you… I don't wanna be all sleepy."  
  
"It's okay Jensen, I don't mind. Don't feel like you have to stay awake for me…"  
  
"Okay, okay, just wake me up as soon as we get there, promise?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Jensen unfastened his seat bell and leaned into Jared's space to drop a quick and gentle kiss on his cheek before making his way to the backseat. Ten minutes later, Jensen was asleep, Jared glancing at him from time to time.  
It was going to be okay.  
  
→  
  
When Jared stopped hours later and got out of the car, he was in complete awe of the house and its surroundings. And he thought churches were beautiful… This place was absolutely divine. It was a small cottage surrounded by trees and there was even a lake a few miles away. There was no one around, no sound, except for the few birds singing and the distant sound of water. It was absolutely perfect. He couldn't wait to show it to Jensen. Jared opened the door and he paused for a minute. Jensen was curled in the backseat in the most adorable way, chest slowly rising and falling. Maybe he could give the boy a few more minutes.  
  
Jared emptied the trunk, going into the house. He opened all the windows and checked if the food was there. There was one message on the phone and he suspected it was from his grandpa. He would listen to it later; right now he really needed to wake Jensen. So Jared went back outside, Jensen hadn't move at all, he was still sound asleep.  
  
"Jensen…wake up. We're here." Jared pressed one hand against his stomach, gently trying to wake him up. Jensen moaned and huffed softly and yet he didn't open his eyes.  
  
"Well..." Jared shrugged; he decided to carry the boy inside the house. It still felt amazingly right to have Jensen pressed against him. Jared would never get tired of that feeling. He closed the car with one hand, feeling Jensen move against him.  
  
"Jensen?"  
  
The boy's head was now resting on the crook of Jared's neck and he rubbed his face against Jared's skin, moaning. Even asleep, Jensen was driving him crazy with his small touches, it was truly insane. Jared's palm found his back and he stroked him gently.  
  
"Hmmm… arrived?" Jensen mumbled and Jared smiled, closing the door behind them with one foot.  
  
"Yes, Jensen, we're here, you need to see something." Jared lead them to the bedroom and by that time, the boy was rubbing his face with his hands, trying to wake up. "Look."  
  
Jared went in front of the window and he turned to Jensen to watch the boy's face change as he was taking in the view they had from the bedroom. It was a clear opening to the lake, no tree to block the view, but just shining and appealing water. And Jensen's face passed from obvious annoyance to the surprise and then he turned to Jared, kissing him deeply.  
  
"This is beautiful."  
  
He whispered between two kisses, Jared already feeling that familiar rush of want that was running through his veins every time they were kissing. It seemed to all fall in place as Jensen was rubbing against Jared's body without any shame, every single one of his movements pure torture for the man. He felt his knees go weak as they kissed again, Jensen's tongue leading the way as usual, his clothes brushing against Jared's, close but never enough. Jared growled when the boy's tongue tasted his jaw, his hands holding on his shoulder like Jared was somehow more important than oxygen itself, legs around Jared's waist. Yes, Jared wanted to spread Jensen on the bed and rip off all of his clothes and…  
  
"Jensen."  
  
He stopped the kiss with all the self control he had, much more like the little he had left before he put Jensen back on his feet.  
  
"Jensen I…"  
  
Jared took a few step away, the boy was looking at him with so much intensity, green eyes dark with lust, shirt all wrinkled. Jared took a deep breath and he ended up in a growl as he saw Jensen readjust himself. The boy was probably hard. He had done it with a smirk like he knew exactly what Jared wanted.  
  
"You… Are you hungry?"  
  
It was the best Jared could do. He still didn't trust himself around Jensen. Yes, he wanted to touch, he wanted to find out every single way to make Jensen moan, arch and come like that one night in the rain, when everything had seemed so sudden and quick and important in the semi darkness. Jared loved that rush but he also wanted to give Jensen everything. Jensen sighed, like he knew Jared needed to do things his way.  
  
"Yes, starving in fact."  
  
"Okay… I'll go start dinner."  
  
"Okay. Where is the bathroom?"  
  
"First door on the left."  
  
Jensen left the room without adding anything else and Jared rubbed his hand on his face. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he thought as he made his way to the kitchen. Jared didn't know what control was anymore, it was like all he could see was Jensen's beauty. And the more he looked, the more he was falling and there was no doubt that the landing was going to be harsh and brutal. Jared surely didn't want this to end. When Jensen got back from the bathroom, he was smiling again and Jared had already started cooking, ready to impress the boy.  
  
"How about some lasagna?"  
  
"Oh so you can cook too?" Jensen sat at the kitchen counter, head resting on his hands.  
  
"Yes… I think I’m a pretty decent cook."  
  
"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"  
  
Jared chuckled. "Are you at least going to help me?"  
  
"Oh hell no… I'll just stand here and be pretty."  
  
To prove his point, Jensen jumped to his feet and went to open the fridge. He grabbed a can of coke and started drinking, eyes on Jared as he was returning to his seat. Jared laughed. Jensen had probably no idea of how adorable he was. Or maybe he did. Anyway, cooking in front of the boy didn't feel weird at all. Jensen eventually broke the silence, asking Jared what he was doing or why he was using that ingredient instead of another.  
  
"Man… I wish I could cook like you." Jensen finally declared.  
  
Jared was washing his hands with a smile, everything was done now, the lasagna was in the oven, all they had to do was wait. Jared turned around, wiping his hand with a towel.  
  
"Well you could… I mean… I could teach you, it's not that difficult."  
  
"I suppose I could… But it's not like…Anyway… How long do we have to wait?"  
  
"About an hour…Wanna watch some TV?"  
  
"Yeah sure."  
  
It was nice, Jared let Jensen pick the channel he wanted, not really interested in actually watching. No, he was way too content to have Jensen's body pressed against his own and watch as their legs were tangled together, one of his arms around the small waist. At first, Jensen had looked at his hand very strangely, like he didn't expect Jared to do that, before he actually relaxed, a small smile on his face, green eyes apparently focused on the screen. Jared liked this Jensen, the small and happy boy, no trace of sarcasm or bitterness.  
  
He still couldn't quite read the boy's face or know what he was thinking, but this was a start. When dinner was finally ready, Jared waited politely until Jensen took the first bite, figuring out that the boy didn't want to say grace. After the small talk they had about God and going to hell, Jared felt like it was better this way. And he swore he didn't react when Jensen moaned, mouth around the fork, his lips looking so appealing, Jared fighting against the thoughts he had about that particular mouth elsewhere. No, it wasn't right to think about Jensen like that, when they were both sitting on the floor, in his grandpa’s house.  
  
"It's amazing!" Jensen was now eating with so much eagerness that Jared forgot to eat staring at the boy. Jensen noticed it and he rolled his eyes.  
  
"Eat seriously… Before I eat your plate too."  
  
"Really that hungry, hmm?"  
  
"You have no fucking idea!" mumbled Jensen, mouth full. "Katie usually cooks for me you know, but she's not really that great, I mean it's nice of her, but I usually eat a burger or something like that…"  
  
"Oh yeah… Not that great, hmmm?"  
  
"Nope. Really not that great. Hey hand me the water please?"  
  
"Here. So… How is it to live… you know…"  
  
Jensen paused for a second, fork in mouth, looking at Jared for a brief moment before he started eating again. "It's okay I guess… The girls are nice to me… I mean we're all in the same boat right? At first some of them were nasty. They thought I wouldn't survive a week… But now they all come for me so." There was some sort of pride in Jensen's voice and he had a small smirk on his face but he seemed to notice the look Jared was giving him so he just focused on his plate.  
  
Jared didn't know how Jensen was doing it, how was he so light about something so awful and something horrible that the simple thought of it had Jared's stomach curling. Jensen couldn't be enjoying it, no, and yet when he was kissing Jared, it felt real, it felt like Jensen needed it, needed him more than anything. Was that a lie too? Did Jensen just do it because he knew how? How to make Jared needy and restless, how to taunt him in every single way? Jared wanted to believe so badly in the version of Jensen he sometimes got to see, maybe he was just fooling himself. Jensen moved, sliding next to him, hands on Jared.  
  
"Thinking hard, hmm?"  
  
"Yeah I…"  
  
Jensen kissed the corner of his mouth quickly, the kiss so brief Jared found himself leaning into it, missing the taste of Jensen. Jensen chuckled, fingers tracing the outline of Jared's veins. Just like that, the tension from earlier was back and Jared watched as Jensen's fingers made their way up, on his forearm, his skin on fire where Jensen was touching him.  
  
"Hmm… I could use a shower now."  
  
Jared barely had the time to register what Jensen said, before the boy was taking off his shirt right in front of him, revealing that perfect skin of his Jared could spend hours kissing. Then Jensen's face was right there, right next to his, his lips twitch into a smile.  
  
"And when I said that, I think you should join me."  
  
Another kiss and Jensen was gone, heading to the bathroom, Jared's eyes on his back, watching the slope of his spine and the curve of his ass. "Damn it." He finally let out. Jared's hands were shaking and he tried to get a hold of himself before doing anything. As he stood up, he realized how uncomfortable he was in his pants, he ran one hand over his crotch and right there, he was moaning in the middle of the living room.  
  
He took a deep breath, running both of his hands through his hair, fighting the want and the brutal need to drop his pants and touch himself like Jensen did, breaking all of Jared's resistance. But Jared never dared touch himself, not before Jensen, not even when all the boys of his age had been curious, not even when they called Jared a freak for not even thinking about girls. And now he was thinking about touching and kissing a twelve year old boy. How was that better? It wasn't.  
  
Jared shook his head, no need to think about that now. He grabbed the plates and wash them, covering up the rest of lasagna and putting them in the fridge, maybe Jensen would want to finish the whole thing tomorrow… He paced in the kitchen, his heart beating loud, trying to buy himself some time. And running away from something he actually wanted some really stupid and …  
  
"Come on Jared, he's just a boy…" Another lie just to get himself to move, Jared made his way to the bathroom, the door was slightly opened and he could hear the sound of water running. Jensen truly was a perfect tease. Jared pushed the door opened slowly and he immediately spotted the rest of Jensen's clothes, he then looked up and that was when he saw the boy. And also when he realized that Jensen didn't need to be anything else to drive Jared crazy.  
  
The boy was facing Jared, eyes closed and a smile on his face as he was washing his hair, water sliding all along his skin. Jared was getting harder at that simple sight, Jensen wasn't doing anything particular, but his skin wet, the drops sliding along his collarbone, the trail of freckles starting inside his neck and going down to his small hairless cock…  
  
Jared felt his mouth water because there was so much he wanted to touch, the feeling of wrong still there and making everything even more real and present that he couldn't stop wanting. He just couldn't. He closed the door with his foot, finally stepping inside the bathroom and Jensen opened his eyes, they seemed so clear and so green, the water somehow revealing more freckles on his cheeks. He didn't talk and yet Jensen's gaze was so intense that Jared knew there was no way he could say no to him.  
  
Jared took off his clothes as quick as he could, completely ignoring his erection as he stepped into the shower with the boy. His hands were shaking and he honestly didn't know what to do with them and if it weren't for the water against his skin right now, Jared might have go crazy with want and need. He just didn't know what to do and as usual it was scaring him. And before he had the time to steady his breathing, Jensen's hands were just there, against his skin.  
  
It shouldn't have felt this intimate, it shouldn't have felt this good and yet Jared did nothing to stop it, he just stood there and watched, watched as Jensen grabbed the soap and started washing him. Some kind of determination in his eyes. Like it was important that he did this, that he did this one thing right. At some point, Jared had to kneel so Jensen could wash the rest of his body. Jared was still hard and his skin still feel incredibly hot, even despite the water but Jensen didn't touch him. And in a way, Jared was glad.  
  
Too soon, the moment was over and Jensen stopped, going out of the bathroom, body still wet. The sight was absolutely marvelous and Jared's eyes followed the curve of his ass, tempted to grab the boy by the hips and press him against the door and do things he never thought he knew before. He dried himself as quickly as he could. He still avoided his erection, pretending that part of him didn't even exist. Back in the bedroom there was no sign of Jensen and Jared sighed putting on some cottons pants and a shirt.  
  
Jensen was probably in the living room, watching some more TV. And Jared sat down on the bed, just for a minute he thought of his bible, still in the car. He didn't have the courage to take the thing anymore or even pray these past few days. A priest not praying. Talk about irony. Jared just couldn't. Because if God made everything, why make Jared this way? This way he couldn't resist the boy. And also why make Jensen this way? Sure, the boy wasn't all innocent but it wasn't the devil in his eyes, it was pure lust and want.  
  
"Jared?"  
  
Jared's body once again reacted on his own as he automatically raised his head, looking up to see Jensen. Jared gasped at what he saw. He always found Jensen beautiful, even more that particular night when his clothes were soaking wet, but what he had in front of him… This wasn't the Jensen he liked. This was just… _fake_. And all wrong.  
  
The boy was wearing that short blond wig of his once again and he had lipstick on, lips shining pink, and truly the color was just an insult to Jensen's plush lips, and the blue dress he had somehow fitted him but Jared much preferred him in his jeans or in his short. It was just too tight, showing Jensen's appealing small legs just like the first Jared did see him.  
  
"Jensen… what are you doing?"  
  
Jared's voice was just a whisper, barely even trusting himself and he could feel his cock more present than ever, his own body betraying him because he actually loved to see Jensen that way and he would also more than appreciate being able to kiss the boy and check if he was wearing underwear or not.  
  
"Don't talk."  
  
Jensen's tone was firm, that same intensity in his eyes and he straddled Jared's lap in that elegant way, like he was meant to be here and here only and he wrapped his arms around Jared's neck and tried to kiss him. He didn't succeed because Jared tried to push him away with all he had, despite how good it felt to have Jensen's right there.  
  
"Jensen…" He moaned as the boy's mouth landed on his jaw, sucking. "Jensen…" There was a gasp and Jensen distracted him with his fingers underneath Jared's shirt. "Jensen… don't… don't … We don't…" Jared closed his eyes for a moment, trying to ignore how hard he was and Jensen's mouth sucking on his earlobe, the sound so obscene it shouldn't be allowed. "Jensen. I mean it."  
  
When he opened his eyes, he grabbed Jensen by the hip and push him away, back into the bed, the boy making a sound between a scream and noise.  
  
"Please!" He screamed as he tried to crawl back into Jared's arms.  
  
Jared was having none of that and he stood up, trying to put some distance between him and Jensen.  
  
"Please." repeated the boy. He sounded desperate, he kneeled on the bed, lipstick all messed up and Jared was sure it was tears in those eyes just like he knew that it was hurt all over Jensen's features. And fear. But the fear of what? Jared couldn't guess, Jensen had to let him in at some point. Jensen tried to move but Jared stopped him right there, one hand in front of him like it could actually protect him.  
  
"Stay exactly where you are Jensen… why are you doing this? We don't have to… To do anything, I know I paid but…" Jared had to take a deep breath or he was sure going to choke because he was unprepared for all of this.  
  
"I don't know!" Jensen was screaming and it was just getting worse. It was worse than hearing him being all biter and sarcastic, right here and now, he just sounded like a scared little boy. But wasn't it what Jared wanted in the first place? He didn't know anymore.  
  
"I don't know! I thought you would like it! I don't know what you want Jared, I told you! I always know. I'm good at this… Some sick bastards love to hear me scream and beg for it, others just want me to lay still and take it, hell, that one time one guy even ask me to pretend to be his wife and feed him while we were doing it! But with you I just don't fucking know and it's not okay… That's not how it works… I'm supposed to… I'm supposed to make you feel good and important, that's the only thing I'm good at…"  
  
It seemed like Jensen's last resistances were finally breaking down, no more lies or hiding behind a clever sentence, he took of his wig with a sigh, and wiped angrily the tears on both his cheeks with the back of his hand. Jared felt more than sorry for the boy, he felt like his heart was actually aching for Jensen. Jensen, who thought he was useless and all he could do was please people.  
  
"Jensen…listen to me." Jared leaned closer, kneeling in front of the bed so he wouldn't do anything he would regret and the boy watched his every move looking at him with that same wounded look. Jared winced, he had done that, just because he couldn't make up his mind about what he truly wanted, he had hurt Jensen. One of his hands reached for Jensen's knees, and it stayed right there, Jensen's whole body easing at the touch.  
  
"I'm sorry, I wish I just… somehow turn back time and… make it all better but… trust me when I say that you're better than this. You're not just a toy."  
  
"I am. And you don't see it Jared, I'm empty. Right here" Jensen took one of Jared's hands and pressed it against his chest, the boy was shivering. “I'm empty."  
  
"Oh Jensen… No you're not… Come here." Jared crawled back into the bed and wrapped both of his arms around Jensen's, Jensen pressing his head inside his chest, still shaking against him.  
  
"I am Jared, I'm empty, I'm fucked up… I get that you want the real Jensen. I just… I just don't know who he is anymore. Best case scenario? He died in that fire too. I'm sorry I'm wasting your time."  
  
"Hey Jensen no. Trust me, you're not a waste of time… You're just lost, I can fix it, okay?"  
  
Jensen nodded slightly before he pressed himself even more against Jared, hands fisting his shirt like he was about to rip it, Jared also tightened his grip, sure he was crushing the boy but Jensen didn't seem to mind. And he fell asleep like that, Jared holding him tight, chin resting on the top of his head, breathing slowly as Jared was staring at the window. Hoping he could keep his promise. Because if not it would be just a lie and he wouldn't be different than any other man in Jensen's life.  
  
He couldn't let him down now.  
  


→


	6. Chapter 6

  
Jared didn't remember ever sleeping so well.  
  
It was the sound of laughter that woke him, groaning into his pillow. But it only took him a few seconds to be completely awake and even less to realize that Jensen wasn't there. He pushed his hair back from his face, whole body feeling sore because he had held the boy tight all night.  
  
Jared didn't even remember falling asleep, he had been so caught up listening to Jensen's breathing, his body hyper aware of Jensen being that close to him that Jared had been sure he would have been awake by the time morning came. He stretched a little, his arms somehow still felt numb and maybe they were missing the boy right there, so tiny pressed against him. So pretty and ready to please him in his little dress, Jared more disturbed by that sight that he would ever admit out loud. He shook his head trying to think about something else, otherwise he was sure the simple thought of Jensen would get him hard again.  
  
And today, their second day was not about him, it was all about Jensen, showing him what he could have and most of all, proving him that he wasn't empty, or worthless or even worse useless. And also, prove Alastair that he was all wrong, that there was still some good left in Jensen and that he wouldn't choose to return to his old life.  
  
There was a small smile on Jared's face now and that was when he heard another laugh. He frowned as he finally stood up, following the noise. It was Jensen. The boy wasn't wearing the dress anymore; instead he had on one of Jared's shirts, the thing so big it was covering his entire body. Jensen looked absolutely perfect in his shirt, sprawled out on the couch, eating a bowl of cereal as he was watched cartoons on the television. That would explain the laughter.  
  
Jared paused for a moment, watching him as he was eating, green eyes focused on the screen, a smile on his face as he chewed and his hair a beautiful mess on the top of his head. He looked so innocent right now and the fact that he was wearing Jared's shirt… It was probably stupid but Jared just couldn't stop his mind shouting  _mine_. It was stupid, he knew he had absolutely no right over Jensen, but it was the boy who claimed that Jared was different and that Jared mattered. And deep down, Jared was actually enjoying the fact that he was playing such a huge part in Jensen's life. Maybe it was pride or real love, he just knew that the moment Jensen decided this would all be over. If he chose Alistair Jared would have to let him go.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Jared finally revealed his presence, stepping completely into the living room, making his way to Jensen. The boy offered him a radiant smile, even sliding on the couch to make room for Jared. He put his now empty bowl on the ground and offered another smile to Jared.  
  
"Hey… Sleep well?"  
  
As soon as Jared sat down, Jensen was right there, the fabric of the shirt brushing against Jared's naked forearms, that simple contact was enough to set Jared's skin on fire and the boy didn't even touch him properly.  
  
"Yeah… pretty good, you?"  
  
"Perfect… Even if someone was snoring into my ear in the morning but …"  
  
"Hey! That's not true, I do not snore."  
  
"And how would you do know that, hmm genius?"  
  
"I just know I don't… okay?"  
  
Jensen laughed again except that this time Jared could see how beautiful it made him look. He could see how his eyes were shining and he wanted nothing more but to lick that golden skin and kiss Jensen right there. And as always, the boy caught his look, but it wasn't that hard, Jared, contrary to Jensen, was pretty easy to read.  
  
Jensen leaned closer, until he could grab Jared's shoulders with both of his hands, their faces so close their noses were brushing against each other. Jensen smelled fantastic, in fact, he smelled like Jared's shampoo and that burning rush of claiming the boy was so present and yet, Jared was so lost into the green of Jensen's eyes, so close, that he found he couldn't move. He gasped when Jensen, who apparently wanted to be as close as possible to Jared, brushed his lips against Jared's, still staring at him.  
  
"Is this okay?" Jensen whispered. He sounded scared and Jared realized he was making Jensen doubt and second guess his every move. "Is kissing you okay?" Jensen insisted. He brushed his lips again against Jared's, the contact so light and so soft, it seemed unreal.  
  
"If you want to do it Jensen,  _really_  want to do it… then its okay."  
  
The boy didn't need more encouragement and he finally pressed their mouths together, his tongue quickly finding its way into Jared's mouth kissing him hard and with passion. Jared moaned into the kiss as he tried to follow Jensen's pace, so lost in the sensations he was shivering and he was hard all over again, but Jensen did nothing more but kiss him, hands cupping Jared's face, kissing him and just taking everything.  
  
When Jensen pulled away for air, they were both panting, Jensen's hands finding their way on Jared's shirt, gripping it tight, eyes closed, and his breath ragged against Jared's face. Jared just couldn't believe Jensen was real. And most of all he couldn't understand… Why him, why now? It was so messy it was taking Jared's breath away to just look at the boy. Jensen opened his eyes, they were dark green and he smiled at Jared, pressing their forehead together.  
  
"So today is all about doing what I want right?"  
  
Jared should have said no because it was a little bit more than that, but who was he to deny Jensen anything? The boy was lucky Jared wasn't begging for another kiss, ready to please him in anyway way he wanted. Instead, Jared took a deep breath, his lips brushing against Jensen's in the process and he finally answered.  
  
"Yeah… something like that."  
  
"Okay, because there is something I really want to try."  
  
→  
  
"Jensen… I'm not sure this is really a good idea."  
  
Jared was positive the boy could hear how uncertain he was about all of this but that didn't seem to affect his smile in any sort of way. The boy just shrugged before his eyes landed on the clear water above them. Jensen's idea was to jump from a cliff and just plunge deep into the lake, the same lake they saw from Jared's grandpa house. Jared remembered doing that when he was fifteen because his big brother had dared him to do so. He didn't even think twice and just did it, happy smile on his face as he emerged from the water.  
  
But now? It seemed pretty high and Jared was really worried about Jensen. Jensen rolled his eyes at him, hands on his hips.  
  
"Jared, I didn't bring you all the way up here so you can freak out at the last minute."  
  
"I'm not freaking out… I'm just… do you even know how to swim?"  
  
"Of course I know how to swim… Jared I know I'm pretty, but how dumb do you think I am? Wait… Don't answer to that question we're just wasting time here."  
  
Jensen didn't seem to be in the mood for talk anymore, nor did he felt the need to wear clothes apparently. And just like every time, Jared watched as Jensen passed his shirt over his shoulder, exposing his skin to the morning light. He wasn't wearing any underwear and Jared blushed at the view of his ass, he knew how smooth the skin really was and how pliant Jensen could be underneath his touches.  
  
"Also…" Jensen was carefully folding Jared's shirt now. "You were the one suggesting I start acting like a real child… so don't just stand there."  
  
Jensen’s next action surprised Jared even more. He threw a wink at Jared, sticking his tongue out at the same time. Just like that, he did look a child and Jared was so caught up by this sight that he didn’t notice the moment Jensen stepped back a little to run and leapt off the cliff into the water.  
  
"Jensen!" Jared made his way over the edge of the cliff, eyes scanning the water to spot the boy his heart pounding. The boy emerged a few seconds later, laughing and screaming.  
  
"Holy shit! Jared the water is awesome… Come on!"  
  
Jared was giggling as he yanked off his shirt, soon followed by his pants. There he was standing naked in the woods, near a house he spent summer in with his entire family. This was all sorts of wrong. But Jared did it anyway, he took a deep breath and he jumped too. Falling was actually nice, Jared felt alive and that dizzy feeling in his stomach plus his own blood rushing into his ears didn't leave any place for hesitation, anytime to think for what it mattered.  
  
And then he landed, it was the water all over him, cold but it felt nice against his skin. Jared surfaced from the water gasping, only to be surprised by Jensen once more, the boy was right behind him, he wrapped his small arms around Jared's neck, wet mouth pressed against Jared's ear. It felt insanely good, to have Jensen right there, pressed against him and not having to feel guilty about it, because this was exactly what the boy wanted.  
  
"So?"  
  
"Maybe it was a good idea after all…"  
  
"See? I told you!"  
  
Jensen's laugh was rich and deep into Jared's ear and he felt himself shiver, his body too well aware of Jensen's proximity and despite the water surrounding them, he could feel everything, and he was sure it was Jensen's hard on against his back. But Jared chose to ignore it for now and they swam some more, the man actually amazed to see how comfortable Jensen was in the water.  
  
They fooled around for what seemed like hours, until Jared decided that it was enough and that was all he could do with an empty stomach. Jensen seemed to agree and soon, Jared had Jensen in his arms as he was slowly swimming for them both, Jensen humming softly. His wet hair looked like a dirty blond now and some of them were glued to his face, his beautiful face where each freckles seem to be here to enhance his natural beauty, he looked so careless and free and Jared didn't want to let go.  
  
"Who taught you how to swim?" He finally asked, breaking the silence.  
  
Jensen, who seemed to be staring at nothing a second before raised his eyes to look at Jared. The latter knew too well how Jensen didn't like to talk about him or his past or anything that wasn't his … job. But Jared couldn't help being curious, and also, he needed to know things about the boy that he probably never told to anyone else, just so he knew he just didn't invent Jensen with his own mind alone.  
  
"…My brother. We… we had a swimming pool at our house and I can't remember why but I used to be so scared…"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah really… I just remember one day Josh took my hand and saying that I just have to be a man about it and he’ll show me how to swim properly. It was such a disaster at first…" Jensen chuckled softly at the memory. "But hey look at me now? I'm doing pretty well right?"  
  
"Yeah right, even making me do some crazy stuff…"  
  
"Oh come on Jared, don't say that like I'm the one corrupting you…"  
  
"Well … you kinda are corrupting me Jensen…"  
  
"Oh really?"  
  
"Yeah really."  
  
"You know what? I'm not even sorry."  
  
With that, Jensen kissed him, slow and deep and Jared let himself being distracting by the roll of the boy's tongue. In fact, he didn't pay attention to anything else, and when they plunged deep into the water, they were still kissing. Jared couldn't hear or see a thing but his arms were around Jensen and this particular kiss felt more important than anything else. Because maybe Jensen wasn't an angel, but he was…  _there_. They emerged with both of them panting, faces still pressed against one another as they breathed each other's air.  
  
"I think… We should go back inside." whispered Jensen.  
  
"Yeah…" Jared cleared his throat. "We should do that."  
  
They walked back to the house in silence after collecting their clothes, Jensen didn't even bother dressing up but Jared had to hide his erection, he chose to also ignore the look Jensen gave him, that one saying :  _I know what you want and I can give it to you and probably more_. Yes, that one look that made Jensen's delicate features turn into something even more beautiful.  
  
"Hey Jared… will you carry me inside?"  
  
Jared was so surprised by Jensen's new request that he had to stop to look down to the boy. They were just in front of the door he didn't see the point of…  
  
"Yeah sure." Like he could say no to Jensen. "No problem."  
  
Jared sighed as the boy found his place between his arms again, wrapping instantly his legs around Jared's waist, like he belonged there. Opening the door was all of the sudden more difficult with Jensen staring at him. And as soon as it was opened, the boy kissed him. It was urgent and hard and harsh, just like last night, as if Jensen was on fire and Jared was the only one that could save him.  
  
The strength of the kiss had Jared pressing Jensen into the nearest wall but it didn't stop the boy, he didn't stop moving, hands running through Jared's hair, then over his bare shoulders, his nails finding skin and raking it, making Jared growl into the kiss and feel dizzy with a desire he never knew he wanted. But it was there, it was there as Jensen was squirming and twisting against him, and there when Jensen's small frame slide a little against the wall, his small erect cock against the layer of Jared's pants.  
  
"Jensen! … Jensen..." Jared was moaning in every single one of their kisses and when he was trying to part for air, he was kissing the boy again instead, it was a mess, they were still wet and it shouldn't have felt so good to have Jensen's small hands all over his back. "Jensen… we can't…"  
  
"Please Jared please." Jensen barely sounded like himself, so desperate and so needy, for a moment Jared was almost sure he was more affected by this kiss than him. "Please… Need this. Need you." Jensen was still moving as the words were leaving his mouth, small moves of his hips just to remind Jared how hard he was, that he was fighting with himself not to come for days, because it was all wrong and he shouldn't…  
  
Jared growled and snapped his hips forward too, the move so brutal Jensen's back hit the wall however the boy's answer was another moan as he was trapped between Jared and the wall. "Yes. Please. Please, yes." Jared wasn't thinking anymore and it was probably his body finally getting what he wanted, otherwise how could he explain that he leaned forward and bit Jensen's neck hard, hips slamming against the boy roughly, his ragged breathing feeling the hallway as he was meeting Jensen's hips halfway, creating that friction they both desperately needed.  
  
"Yes… Yes… Jared…" Every sound Jensen was making was also driving Jared insane, he didn't care that others before had heard those same exact words, they sounded real, they  _felt_  very real. And the boy didn't even fight it, he let Jared rip off his shirt and bite one of his nipples, finally tasting that skin he had spend hours looking at. He didn't push him away. He pulled Jared's hair and brought him closer, closer until his lips were around the nipple, sucking it until it was red, until Jared couldn't breathe.  
  
He did the same with the other one and got Jensen completely out of his clothes, the boy shivering and moaning every time Jared's fingers touched his skin. Jensen was perfect. Jared's hands found his hips and he gripped the boy right there as he went down to his knees. Jensen was still pressed against the wall and Jared lifted him up a little, so his mouth could lick his belly. "Holy shit… holy fucking… Jared !" Jensen's head hit the wall as he was moaning, so loud in fact Jared was glad they were alone, Jared's tongue all over this stomach and then going lower.  
  
Jared didn't let himself be distracted by the sight of Jensen’s hairless and erect cock, he just took the boy deep into his mouth in one long move. They both moaned, Jensen screaming more profanities and Jared still amazed by the taste of the boy. He licked Jensen like a starving man, fascinated to feel the boy wet down there without knowing exactly what it was. His tongue was big enough to cover Jensen's entire cock and he used it to send Jensen over the edge, giving him long slow licks, lips still firmly wrapped around the small dick.  
  
Jared had to tighten his grip on the boy, otherwise he was sure Jensen would collapse on the floor from sheer pleasure alone. "God, Jared… please…" And it shouldn't have turned Jared even more to hear that but it did and he picked up the pace, Jensen's hands in his hair, pulling so hard it actually hurt but Jared didn't mind at all. It felt even more real. So he didn't mind at all. "Oh fuck… fuck… fuck…"  
  
One more lick and Jensen was coming inside of his mouth, hot, sweet liquid flowing into Jared's mouth. He didn't even think twice as he swallowed it all, the boy still moaning and writing against his tongue, like he couldn't get enough of it. It was all Jared needed, and swallowing Jensen's release, he came himself, spilling come down between his legs. Jared licked Jensen clean and when he pulled away he couldn't help but moan at the sight he had.  
  
His big hands had left red marks on Jensen's skin, the boy's stomach was glistening because of Jared's saliva, both of his cheeks were red and his small chest was moving because of the deep breaths he was now taking, still softly moaning, lips swollen. He was just so beautiful, Jared could have make him hard all over again, using his tongue again, see if the boy could come from that one more time. Jensen opened his eyes and they landed on Jared.  
  
"Bedroom. Now."  
  
His voice sounded so raspy and when Jared finally let go of him, he yelped and Jared caught him before he hit the ground, his knees still shaking. They didn't talk on their way to the bedroom, but the smile on Jensen's face was there and it grew bigger as Jared dropped onto the bed. "Come here." Jared obeyed once more and he moaned slightly as Jensen was taking off his pants, leaving him naked too.  
  
"Fuck Jared.." Jensen pushed him against the covers, Jared feeling himself blushing. He was just so exposed and Jensen's eyes seemed to be absolutely everywhere. Jared wanted to touch the boy but he remained still, waiting for Jensen to tell him what to do next. "Did you come untouched? That's just so fucking hot…" Jensen spread his legs wide opened and Jared let him watch the mess he had done, the boy moaning deep at the sight.  
  
Jensen then passed one of his legss over Jared's body, straddling him, but making sure their bodies weren't touching. Jensen was moving slowly, all the urgency gone and when he kissed him again, it was softer. He took his time, rubbing his lips against Jared's and he probably could still taste himself there. Jared moaned at that thought, opening his mouth to Jensen's small tongue, the boy's hands at either side of his face as he leaned forward, gently kissing Jared.  
  
And Jared didn't have time to adjust himself to Jensen's new rhythm that the boy was already moving to his chin. He pressed mouth opened kisses right there, making Jared's hands itchy with the need to touch the boy, but he didn't move, he closed his eyes for a brief moment when Jensen found his collarbone, sucking on it very slowly, like he wanted to leave a mark. Then it was his Adam's apple.  
  
Jensen was taking his time on purpose and every single kiss had Jared's skin burn where the boy just touched him and he tried to focus on steadying his breathing or just calm down his heart but it seemed impossible. When the boy reached his nipple, he let out a low "Jensen", feeling the boy's teeth craze on the very sensitive skin. Jensen looked up and Jared made another sound, he was just so beautiful, with his messy hair, his plush lips and all those freckles on his face.  
  
He offered a smile to Jared before one of his hands found Jared's mouth, Jared sucked on his fingers without thinking too much about it, taking whatever Jensen was willing to give him. Whatever Jensen could give would be good, even if Jared wasn't allowed to have it. Jensen's lips and tongue traced the outline of his muscles and Jared lost it right there, arching into the touch and panting when Jensen reached his navel. He wished he could control his reactions to simple and light touches, however he couldn't and he spread his legs even wider, hot skin brushing against the sheets.  
  
And Jared's breathing kept getting higher as the boy went lower and when Jensen's mouth suck on one of his hipness, he knew he was hard all over again and this time, he needed Jensen to touch him. "Please…" he finally breathed, face red, burning with the shame of knowing exactly what he wanted this time. He just had to have the boy.  
  
"Yes?" Jensen was facing him again, the soft smile he seemed to have only for Jared, was back on his face. "What do you want Jared…. Tell me." And just like the night in the church, Jensen was the one being soft and reassuring and Jared was so scared, shaking because of what he felt for the boy, what he wanted and because he had never done this before. This, if they were doing it right now, will be Jared's first time, there was no going back. And it hit Jared hardly and he was really starting to panic but Jensen snapped him out of it with a quick kiss.  
  
"Jared… what do you want?" He stroked Jared's hair slowly with one hand and the other found its way between their two bodies, wrapping itself around Jared's dick. Jared let escape a "oh Jensen…" as he pushed his head back into one side, moaning at the feeling of Jensen's fingers, there, stroking him at a steady rhythm. It was just as slow as the rest of their embrace and Jared could feel it everywhere and he screamed the boy's name when Jensen pressed his lips against his ear.  
  
"Come on Jared. Tell me." At those words, Jensen tightened his grip, Jensen's thumb rubbing against the tip of Jared's cock. Jared arched into the touch, his mind clouded with lust and pleasure, Jensen couldn't be expecting him to make a full sentence right now… He opened his mouth to scream but no sound came out, instead, his hips followed Jensen's hand, seeking another release, another moment of absolute bliss where nothing else mattered but Jensen and the pleasure he felt from head to toe.  
  
And Jared didn't even realize that Jensen had actually stopped moving, that it was just him fucking Jensen's fist and getting off on it. He opened his eyes he didn't even remembered he had closed and there it was, the same green that had damned him forever, weeks ago. "You." Jared's voice was shaky but it was there, right between each one of his moans and thrusts of his hips into Jensen's fist, the soft skin against his hard on being enough to make Jared feel like never before.  
  
He wanted Jensen, he needed Jensen, the thought of being inside the boy, so loud and so clear inside his mind, it seemed to burn him, right deep inside, where he was usually hiding everything. No more hiding. "Are you sure?" Jensen didn't move and the tension could probably have killed Jared as he was rolling his hips into the small fist, unstoppable it seemed.  
  
"Yes… Yes! Jensen, I want you, I need you, I… I need this." It was the first time Jared dared to say it out loud, the first time he wasn't taking cuts and saying right away what he wanted. It was all Jensen needed to hear because suddenly his hand was gone. Gone and Jared whimpered because he needed it back, he needed to touch the boy and… Jensen literally took his breath away with his next moves, his whole body finally pressed against Jared's, the curve of his ass brushing against Jared's hard cock. Jensen kissed him with his eyes wide open and Jared's hands palmed roughly his ass, kissing him back.  
  
Jensen moaned and Jared thought for a second about stopping right here and now but that was before Jensen flipped them over somehow, Jared suddenly on the top of Jensen, his cock brushing against the boy's stomach. It made all of this very real, Jared's panting, Jensen's soft moans. His arms wrapped around Jared's neck… Were first times supposed to feel like this? So terrifying and yet, Jared wasn't running away. Jared didn't know, he didn't even want to think about anything that wasn't the small boy underneath him looking up at him with so much trust in his eyes.  
  
Was that how he was going to fix him? No. It was how Jared was going to love him. Jensen spread his legs and Jared's hands found the inside of his thighs, stroking gently. Skin so smooth and so perfect, Jensen couldn't be and wasn't an angel, he was so much more than that. Jared's hands were shaking when he finally reached the curve of Jensen's ass, spreading the two cheeks opened, Jensen didn't stop him, he was still looking at him, mouth half opened, ready to open up his body and soul for Jared to take and do as he pleased.  
  
And just like that, Jared understood why men were paying for Jensen. It wasn't just about the sex. The boy was giving himself willingly, his face looking so peaceful, he wanted this, he needed this. He gasped slightly as Jared rubbed his fingers inside the skin of his ass, it was hot and forbidden and yet, Jared needed more. He pushed a little more and his thumb was against Jensen's hole. They were looking at each other with so much intensity, Jared just had to pause to kiss the boy, just a press of the lips against one another and when he was about to pull away, Jensen grabbed his face.  
  
"I'm going to be your first, you're okay with this?"  
  
"I want you to be the first." Jensen kissed him softly again and Jared could actually see the beginning of some tears inside his eyes, he kissed them too and Jensen smiled.  
  
"Hmm… my leg… Put it on your shoulder." Jared obeyed as usual, moaning seeing Jensen so exposed and so vulnerable. "Now I need you inside of me Jared…Right now."  
  
And just like to prove his point, he moved his hips a little, rubbing against Jared's cock. Jared took a deep breath and grabbed his cock with one hand, the other on Jensen's hips. And he pushed, pushed inside of Jensen. For a few seconds, there was absolutely nothing, nothing except their breathings and that lingering tension into the air. And then it hit Jared. He felt it, as the tip of his cock was entering Jensen, tight muscles around him. The feeling was so intense and so good Jared pushed his head back moaning as he kept pushing inside.  
  
This time Jensen was making noises with him too and he grabbed Jared's shoulder, squeezing tight, whole body going tense around Jared. "Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop…" he was pleading, eyes into Jared, so dark and so green they were in fact burning. Everything was so hot now, Jared thought being inside Jensen would calm the heat but he had been wrong, everything was just hotter right now. "Jensen…" Inches by inches, Jared slowly impaled Jensen, marking him for good, his small body not even moving and just gently taking it, making more room for Jared.  
  
But Jensen was so tight, so tense around him. He let escape a deep sigh when he was finally all the way in, his vision blurry, his whole world being Jensen and Jensen only. "Move… Jared please move, move…" Jared compelled and he growled, he thought there was nothing better than being trapped into Jensen but this… This was something new, rolling his hips into the boy, getting out and slowly in, filling up every single corner of Jensen. This was just heaven.  
  
Yes. Jared forgot what was wrong and what was right as he thrust deep inside the boy, only the tip of his cock still inside of Jensen every single time. Jensen let down his legs to wrap them around Jared's waist, moaning and squirming underneath him, Jared's name on his lips as he was doing his best to move, trying to have more of Jared… That thought had Jared growling, bending over to kiss the boy, grabbing his knees and slamming harder into him, making sure Jensen was feeling every single inch of him.  
  
And the boy did, making the most delicious sounds, mouth against Jared's, they weren't really kissing anymore, just breathing each other's air, lips roughly brushing against each others. But it was enough… Jared pressed all his weight onto Jensen and he was sure the boy couldn't really move but he was desperately trying to, looking at Jared with eyes so full of emotions, Jared could have probably combust for trying to read every single one of them. However to each sound Jensen made, his answer was a slow deep thrust right inside the boy, cock sliding all the way in, and all the way out, the sound of Jared's skin meeting Jared so very loud into the room, with all the other noises they were making too.  
  
Jared truly lost it when Jensen pressed his small hands against his ass, the boy linked to Jared in every possible way, clinging to him desperately. "More." Jensen pleaded in that sinful voice of his, the one that made Jared believed that this was heaven. That heaven was the pleasure he felt from impaling the boy over and over again. Jared's thrusts weren't so controlled anymore now, he was just moving his hips slowly and deep, so close to what he now knew and yet, this time it was so very different.  
  
But he watched Jensen, cock pulsating inside of his ass, watched Jensen's face break and the boy come before him, right between their two bodies, untouched and tighter around Jared. "Oh Jensen, Jensen, Jensen…" He fucked him through his release as he was coming too, filling Jensen up. The release was so hard, Jared's whole body was shaking, forehead wet because of sweat, pressed against Jensen's, hips moving frankly and desperately because Jared needed to have this, he just needed to have this…  
  
When he finally stopped moving, he felt somehow happy, tired, dizzy and weak at the same time. Jensen still had his eyes closed and he was still holding on to Jared like it was the right thing to do. He opened his eyes as Jared moved, leaving him empty, Jared moaned, falling back into the bed and looking down at the boy. Jensen was laying on one side, soft smile on his face, body covered with sweat and both of their come. It was a beautiful sight and Jared's eyes travelled on his body, seeing the white strains covering up the freckles, the marks on his nipples and on his lips…  
  
He was no angel he was just a boy. And looking up to his face, Jared couldn't help it, he brought their faces closer and whispered "I love you." against Jensen's lips. The boy closed his eyes for a moment and then there was tears again, one rolling down to Jensen's cheek. Jared wiped it away. And he understood that the boy was never going to say it back, that it didn't really matter anyway. So he just reached for Jensen's waist and he held him as close as possible, crushing the boy even, only realizing now, how he felt for him.  
  
This was Jared falling, the fall sweeter than the one heading to the lake. Of course, the landing was going to be harder too.  
  
→  
  
Jared honestly didn't remember falling asleep. He remembered watching Jensen and kissing him over and over again, the boy still had that particular smile on his face, the one he kept for Jared. He felt sore when he woke up, even more than the night before and this time he had a good reason to.  
  
He was surprised to realize he had slept on his stomach, he had probably moved without noticing and Jensen must have… Jared moved very slowly, pushing his hair back, he was still naked and he felt sweaty and sticky. There was still some of his and Jensen's come on his skin, mixed with sweat all over his skin and his legs had gotten tangled with the cover somehow. Jared sighed as he tried to free his own feet and raised his head when he heard a chuckle.  
  
"Not very good with your hands… hmmm?"  
  
Jensen was standing in the doorway, again wearing one of Jared's shirts, he had a plate in hand and it was full of sandwiches. Seeing Jensen did nothing to help Jared's erection, the contrary in fact, he could feel himself getting hard and he wanted to ask the boy why he left the bed. Right now, Jared wanted nothing more but to make love to him again and again and pass out from the pleasure of it. If he thought he was addicted to Jensen earlier, it was nothing compared to now. Now that he’d had a taste… How was he supposed to get past that, when he knew he could reduce Jensen to nothing but moans and a writhing mess where the only thing he could say was his name? There was no going back and Jared was seeing it very clearly now.  
  
"Here, let me help you." Jensen came to help him and Jared did nothing but lie back and stare at him, eyes on the trail of freckles Jensen had on his neck.  
  
"There you go, all done!"  
  
"Why did you make sandwiches?" Asked Jared, suddenly realizing the plate was now next to him.  
  
"I figured out you might be hungry… And since I'm not a great cook… It's all I can do … I mean no one can mess up sandwiches right? "  
  
Jensen had a smug smile before he snatched one of the sandwiches from the plate and started eating. Jared sighed before he did the same, realizing how hungry he was. At first being naked in front of Jensen was somehow weird, it wasn't anymore… Jared didn't feel like blushing at all, in fact, he felt comfortable, probably more now that into his clerical clothing.  
  
The thought of the black clothes and the church made Jared choke on his food and he started coughing, bad idea to think about it now. Jared wasn't a man of church anymore right? He had messed it all up… All of it just for Jensen and like he realized it before, there was absolutely no going back. He could never stand in front of people and teach them the word of God. He couldn't do that anymore, he wasn't a priest anymore. He was just a man.  
  
It was such a scary thought because all his life had been devoted to the Lord, his entire existence and there was never another option for him, it always had been the only thing he could and would do with his life. Jared, in some sad way, was free. Free because he wasn't worthy of the church anymore or the faith some people had in him.  
  
"Hey you're okay? You're awfully quiet for someone who just lost his virginity…" Jensen tried to laugh but Jared could see that it was just an act, his heart wasn't really into it. Jared didn't like to see that on his face, so he brought the boy closer to him, his head resting inside his neck, inhaling his scent. He had given up everything just for Jensen. And he didn't feel sad or sorry at all, it felt okay.  
  
"I'm good." Jared mumbled.  
  
"Are you sure?" He could hear real concern in Jensen's voice and he smiled softly.  
  
"Yeah I mean… Just a lot to process… Like… I can't… Can't just go back to church and pretend all of this didn't happen. It did happen, I don't want to forget."  
  
Jensen ran one hand through his hair and Jared closed his eyes for a brief moment, leaning into the touch. "You could."  
  
"Don't want to…" Jared straightened up, looking into Jensen's eyes. "What I actually want right now is a shower… coming with me?"  
  
"Like you need to ask."  
  
They kissed all the way to the bathroom, Jensen warm and secure inside Jared's arms, the boy's tongue enough to have him moaning and wanting more, but Jensen was teasing him by kissing him too softly and pulling back when Jared wanted to deepen the kiss. Jared could feel the smile at the corner of his lips and his answer was to pin Jensen's against the door of the shower cabin. He chuckled against Jared's mouth, lips red.  
  
"Eager, hmmm?"  
  
"I need you naked. Now."  
  
"That can happen if you put me back on the floor…"  
  
But Jensen wasn’t going fast enough so Jared just helped him in the end, the boy laughing at him, soon followed by Jared because it was a change from a few hours before when he was so unsure about what to do. But he was starting to know Jensen's body better than his own and like every time, he couldn't get enough of Jensen and his skin.  
  
"Come on… Don't just stare at me, I'm freezing."  
  
"Who's eager now?"  
  
"Shut up, Jared."  
  
Jensen rolled his eyes at him before stepping inside the cabin, soon followed by Jared, he didn't waste any more time and turn the water to hot, enjoying the feeling against his skin, it just felt amazing. But he didn't let that distract him for too long, he grabbed the soap, stopped the water and knelt in front of Jensen he started washing him. The boy was so pliant, looking at him with his soft gaze and long eyelashes, eyes a clear green now.  
  
Jared took some time to rub his hands all over the small body and he moaned when he felt Jensen hard. Both of his hands found their way against Jensen's soft cock as he gently stroked the boy, being rewarded by soft sounds he would never grow tired of hearing. Soon, Jensen's head was falling onto his shoulder, wet body against Jared as he let himself go, Jared's hands still all over the very sensitive skin.  
  
"Jared… I…"  
  
Jensen tried to move but it only made Jared tighten his grip and the boy let escape a chocked sound before he took a deep breath and pressed his forehead against Jared's.  
  
"Wanna come from your cock… Fuck me, please."  
  
With that, Jensen was leaning for a very deep and passionate kiss, clung to Jared like never before. Jared growled and followed his instinct and he just grabbed Jensen's legs and lifted him up, standing up in the process. "Yes…" Jensen rolled down his hips and managed to push Jared back against one of the wall of the cabin, Jared still holding him. Fuck.  
  
Jensen was going to be the death of him, a very slow and painful death because the smile he had on his face now was a devious one and Jared watched as the boy found the perfect position. One of his small hands found the back of Jared's neck, and held tight, nails digging into the skin and the other landed on Jared's cock, stroking it very quickly, hand still wet and Jared went from half hard to painfully hard in a matter of seconds.  
  
And Jensen was still looking at him with that same smile. Jared pushed his head back against the wall shower, hands on Jensen's hips and still holding the boy.  
  
"I fucking love having you inside of me." With that, the boy lifted himself up a little bit and with his hand still around Jared's dick, he slowly guided it inside his ass. And Jared could do nothing else but watch Jensen do it, as he was slowly being filled, stretched in every sense of the word.  
  
Like the first time, his face broke into an expression that Jared could associate with absolute pleasure, his eyes were half closed and both lips parted as he moaned softly, rolling down his hips so Jared could be all the way inside. He growled feeling Jensen so tight around him, the feeling as strong as the first time, but Jensen's body was just perfect against his, on his and all around him, it was difficult to even think about doing anything else.  
  
But Jared couldn't think about moving right now, no, Jensen did it himself, his full body moving just so he could rub his insides against Jared's cock, just so he could feel him harder and deeper. "Holy shit…" Jared didn't do anything but just feel and hold the boy as he was moving his hips up and down, pushing Jared even further against the wall, tiny little sound escaping him. And Jared really lost it when the boy started pushing his body backwards, this way Jared's cock could go deeper inside his tiny little body, Jared's strong palms making sure he wasn't falling.  
  
Jensen's entire body was moving and it even hurt to watch that simple move, slow and passionate, Jared wondered how one boy could possess so much sensuality. It should have been forbidden, and yet there he was, Jensen, moving on the top of him, leaning backwards even more, ragged breath filling the small space they had as he was fucking himself on Jared's cock. Getting off on it.  
  
And Jared's hands were on his ass, helping the boy as he was pushing himself down, Jared so deep inside of him Jensen could probably feel him in his stomach. With that thought in mind, Jared started raising his own hips too, the boy holding him by the shoulders now, still moving his hips.  
  
Somehow, the rhythm became quicker and faster, Jensen's body actually shivering from sheer pleasure, he was close and Jared knew it. Maybe it was some sort of pride or something else, but he wanted to see Jensen come first. He wanted, he needed, the boy to break before him.  
  
So Jared helped Jensen move his hips, helping the boy getting up and down, his cock going so deep maybe Jensen could feel it in his stomach, the boy was screaming so much louder now. He was screaming louder now, flushed, hot, impaled on Jared's cock, he brought their chests closer in one slow move and kissed Jared.  
  
It was messy and sloppy, just as messy as the rest of their embrace, Jared could actually feel his knees going weak but it was going to stop him because all of this was about Jensen, and Jensen only, the boy actually bouncing on his dick now because he was moving so fast, lips still moving against Jared's as tiny little sounds were escaping him. "Yes, just, fuck… Fuck, gonna fucking, come, god…"  
  
There were whispers, escaping Jensen's mouth, the boy's eyes were shut tight and he probably couldn't realize he was the one speaking, probably too high to care or even be aware of that, and all of that because of Jared. That thought alone seemed to be enough to make the boy come , still moving his hips, coming all over Jared's stomach, stealing another kiss, the sweetest sound escaping him. Jensen opened his eyes and he threw Jared a smile before he got hold of the edge of the cabin shower, getting some leverage, enough to keep riding Jared. Just enough leverage to make Jared realize how badly he wanted to come himself, just enough to make him kiss Jensen.  
  
But what did the trick was the boy sneaking one of his hands between their two bodies, small fingers rubbed against Jared's balls and he came just like, deep inside Jensen, the small body still moving up against hip, Jensen's thrusts now slow as Jared was filling him up. When the boy finally stopped moving, their forehead pressed together and Jensen had a smile on his face.  
  
"We should shower together more often."

→

 


	7. Chapter 7

  
After the shower, the rest of the day was pretty slow and in some way, Jared was glad for it. They had a long walk through the beginning of the forest and Jensen had been smiling the entire time, urging Jared to just walk faster. The boy tripped a few times but he didn't seem to mind, in the end, his shirt was covered in mud and he even had some holes in his jeans but he didn't seem to mind.  
  
Jared was glad the boy was so happy. It was the whole purpose of this trip in the first place. And watching Jensen climbed inside a tree, the man tried not to think about what could and what will happen tomorrow. What if Jensen did make the wrong choice? Will he be able to let go? That was a good question.  
  
But Jared didn't put too much thought in it, because next thing he knew, Jensen was asking him to catch him up, before he jumped. Jared wanted to ask him how was he doing it? Jensen could have giving up long times ago, but here he was smiling, why? From what Jared heard, he could only agree that the boy's life was messed up, sad yes, tragic indeed but a giant mess.  
  
Somehow, Jensen was keeping it together and not a lot of things could make him break. Jared could try all he wanted, Jensen was not a child and he knew that now, he probably never had been one, it was too late for him.  
  
"Hey Jared! Still with me?"  
  
"Hmm?" Jared couldn't believe he had let himself distracted with Jensen inside his arms.  
  
"Sorry just…"  
  
"A lot to process I know… Can we go back? I'm starving."  
  
"Yeah… Of course."  
  
This time, Jensen helped him in the kitchen and the boy didn't lie saying he had no cooking skills. Jared explained to him how to make perfect pasta and also make sure they didn't stick to the pot because it was always harder after to get it clean. They also made some roast chicken that Jensen insisted to cut himself. It was a mess of course because he had no idea what he was doing and Jared ended up laughing so hard he had to get out of the kitchen to be able to face Jensen and his nasty glare.  
  
Finally, they ate, sprawled on the floor, backs pressed against the couch watching some more TV. Jared had never been a big fan of the black screen, even as a kid, he remembered very clearly his brother making fun of him for that. Jensen on the other hand seemed absolutely fascinated, insisting to even watch the commercials. They boy fell asleep after the third movie they watched, curled up next to Jared's side, Jared smiled and stroked his hair, turning off the TV and listening to Jensen's heavy breathing.  
  
He turned his head to the window outside, it was dark. In a few hours, Jensen wouldn't be his. But Jensen wouldn't be free either. Really, Jared hoped the boy would make the right choice.  
  
→  
  
"Jared… Jared… wake up."  
  
Jensen's voice sounded very distant, maybe it had something to do with the fact that Jared was deep asleep and having a very wonderful dream. A dream in which there was no Alastair, no church and where God himself had no power at all and couldn't take him Jensen. It was a good dream indeed. One of those dreams that you know weren't true but still, you didn't regret having.  
  
Jared moaned, eyes still shut and held the pillow tighter. He felt something, someone, pulling his hair and he growled. Then there was a kiss against his bare shoulder, then his shoulder blade… By the time the kisses reached his spine, Jared was already awake, smile on his face and he couldn't help but shiver as Jensen traced his spine with his mouth, trailing kisses on his way up.  
  
He did the same to reach Jared's shoulder again, pulling his hair one more time. "I know you're awake." The boy breathed right inside of Jared's ear, his lips brushing against Jared's skin in the process.  
  
"Hmmm… Don't know what you're talking about…" Jared was fully awake now, and he felt Jensen's warm body pressed against his, Jensen was actually straddling him, chest pressed against Jared's back. Jared knew what he could do, turn around and stare into those green eyes and then kiss the boy. It actually sounded like the perfect plan. Jared was about to move when the boy bit his earlobe then whispered. "I have a surprise for you, come on, please…"  
  
Jared opened his eyes to meet the so familiar green eyes now, shinning like every time they did like Jensen was happy. The boy was, the smile on his face was a true one and when he pressed his lips against Jared to kiss him slowly Jared couldn't help but to lean into the kiss trying to have more.  
  
But as always, Jensen was just teasing him and Jared was having none of that this time, he grabbed the back of the boy's head and deepen the kiss. "Jared… just…" Jensen was trying to push him back but it wasn't working, Jared eventually turned around and despite the fact that the boy was above him, he managed to reduce him to moans. He was now fully sat on the bed, Jensen's arms wrapped around his neck as they were slowly kissing, the boy on his knees now, just to make sure their bodies didn't touch.  
  
Jared wanted more he pushed Jensen back into the bed and if the boy looked surprise for one second, the next he was laughing, hands on Jared's face. "You know you're kind of ruining my surprise right now."  
  
"Good morning to you too Jensen." Jared pressed one kiss against the boy's forehead, his head almost into the void. They were at the edge of the bed, Jared had Jensen pinned on the bed.  
  
"Come on let me go!"  
  
"Hmmm… no!"  
  
The boy tried to move, trying to escape but Jared just grabbed his arms, the result was only to make Jensen move even more. "If we fall it's totally your fault." pointed out Jensen.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, what are you doing up so early anyway?"  
  
"Don't know… I kinda emerged around 6am and I figured that I should do something... Anything."  
  
"What did you do?" Jared was very curious now, or maybe it had something to do with the smile on Jensen's face. Maybe.  
  
"That's why I want you to get out of bed... Come on Jared."  
  
This time, Jared followed him. He wanted to find out and also there was just no way he was letting the boy out of his sight today. It was the last few hours they were spending together. By the end of the day, Jensen wouldn't have to be there. And Jared knew deep down, despite Jared reassuring him countless time, Jensen still considered himself owned. That he was here to please Jared only that. But who could blame the boy really? It was all he knew.  
  
Jared was glad however that he had discovered another side of Jensen. The first time they saw each other, the boy had looked perfect. Almost too perfect. In a level where it should have been forbidden and where touching was automatically a sin. Jensen looked like a doll that night and Jared remembered it very clearly.  
  
It wasn't that Jensen however who was holding Jared hand right now and dragging him to the kitchen. Jared was half naked and he didn't even remember taking off his shirt, probably too hot during the night, or maybe Jensen had something to do with that. And Jensen, for the first time ever, was wearing some sort of pyjama, not one of Jared's shirt but actually a real one.  
  
And Jared was so busy taking in the details of Jensen 's small frame and how badly he wanted to take the boy here and now (the hallway didn't seem like a bad idea after all and Jared's cock seemed to agree with it) that he took him a while too notice the smell.  
  
But as they entered the kitchen, Jared couldn't ignore it, smell of food and something burnt. "Jensen... what did you..." Jared found his answer down to the kitchen table. Jensen had made them some breakfast. Yes. There was everything on the table from the orange juice, to the fried bacon and the pancakes. Jared turned to the boy in awe, he was grinning wide.  
  
"You made all this? I thought... you... didn't know how to..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know what I said, okay? But there are a lot of food show or whatever you call that on TV this morning, and since you had all the ingredient, I thought I should give it a try. So... sit down please?"  
  
Jared did as he was ordered and Jensen followed sitting next to him.  
  
"I really don't know if this is any good but..."  
  
The pancakes looked overcooked and so did the bacon, Jared realized a second later when he had his first bite. He was about to spit it out, seriously, but that was before he saw the look Jensen was giving him. The boy was watching his every move, so Jared just swallowed down and smiled down at him.  
  
"It's really good, I'm impressed."  
  
"Oh Jared..." Out of nowhere, the boy burst out laughing, hiding his face between his hands. "You are a terrible liar you know that? I didn't even think you would give it a try."  
  
"Hey!" he protested. "I'm not lying, this is the best breakfast I ever had."  
  
"I thought priests weren't suppose to lie, it's okay Jared, you don't have to pretend to like it."  
  
"No I'm serious!" Just to prove his point, Jared took another bite and then another, almost emptying his plate just like that. He actually did and then turned to Jensen. "See? It was delicious..."  
  
Jensen rolled his eyes. "You're crazy.... Anyway, help me clean okay?"  
  
The boy was already standing up, making his way to the sink but Jared stopped him, wrapping one arm around the boy's waist and he brought him closer. "I think I have another plan." simply said Jared before he trailed kisses all over the curve of Jensen's neck. The boy shivered before he turned his head as far as he could and without a warning, he pressed his mouth against Jared's, kissing him hardly.  
  
Jared wasn't prepared for the strength of the kiss, it took him by surprise, he would probably never get used to Jensen's tongue or his hands all over his hair, pulling, or the sound he will make every time Jared's big hands were on his hips. He would never grow tired of that, he would always want that and absolutely nothing else, because how was he supposed to live nothing he couldn't have what he wanted and craved for. He wanted Jensen. Nothing more but Jensen.  
  
Jared growled into his mouth as one of his hands cupped Jensen's ass, the boy was on his tip toes. One of Jensen's hands was still pulling on Jared's hair and the other one found its way on Jared's own hand, pressing, making him touch harder and squeeze the boy's ass. Jensen's reaction was immediate, he moaned deeply into Jared's mouth, his tongue still licking every corner of the other mouth and taking the lead into their passionate kiss.  
  
Jared was very unbalanced on his chair now and no doubt Jensen's neck was hurting but they were kissing anyway. When Jared had to pull away for air, he was gasping and Jensen didn't let him any time to catch his breath, his tongue was there and demanding and clamming.  
  
Maybe it should have been the opposite. Or maybe in the end, Jensen wasn't Jared but Jared was his. Heart and soul, maybe because every kiss was wrong and because it was just Jared surending and the boy winning. Well in that case, Jared wanted nothing more but to loose. So badly...  
  
The chair on which Jared was sitting eventually fell down so did the orange juice box but none of them did notice. Jared was suddenly on his knees, hands traveling all over the boy's skin, slipping underneath his shirt, inside his pants, he just wanted to see, he just wanted to touch, he needed to touch. But the boy stopped him as he pushed him to the floor and Jared couldn't help but stare at the boy in complete surprise and was about to grab him and kiss him again...  
  
That was before Jensen started taking his clothes off. Jared went on his elbows to watch the boy, Jensen saw the sudden change and smile, going suddenly more slowly. It was also something Jared would never get tired of seeing and find extremely appealing. As Jensen took off his shirt, the familiar trailed of freckles appeared on the golden skin, the same skin that made Jared think that Jensen was born in the south, the flat stomach, the small shoulders.  
  
Jensen was smaller than other boys of his age, but it didn't bother Jared, it was that small body that he pressed at night against his. Jensen's hands found the waistband of his pants and Jared felt his mouth went dry and he was already half hard due to their previous kisses but it was nothing compared to now, he wanted to be inside Jensen just like the day before, hell he was even okay with the boy using him again and again just as long as he could be inside of him.  
Yes, it was how damaged Jared was and how addicted he was to the boy. But there was no going back now.  
  
Jensen dropped his pants very gracefully and Jared gasped, seeing him hard just like every time he seemed, his hairless cock probably the most beautiful thing Jared had ever seen.  
  
And for one moment, Jared really thought that the boy would straddle his lap, kiss him and giving him everything he wanted, everything he needed, he had been mistaken. Instead, Jensen spun around and went to get something on the table. The maple syrup. Jared frowned looking at him, about to ask the boy what he planned to do with it. He had his answer anyway when the boy was finally above him, opening the bottle with that devious smirk on his face.  
  
"Jensen… what are you doing?" Jared asked in a very strangled voice as Jensen opened the bottle.  
  
"Isn't it obvious Jared?" Jared next answer was a moan because Jensen was pressing on the bottle to put the syrup on his bare chest. It was cold for a moment and the next second it was hot because both of Jensen's hands were on his chest, spreading it. "I'm having my own breakfast."  
  
Jensen gave him a wink before passed one of his leg over Jared's body, finally pressing his weight down to him, his ass against Jared's heard on. Jared pushed his head back on the floor as he moaned, the contact enough to remind him how good it was to be deep inside of Jensen. That was all it took to make him gasp and moan. All it took.  
  
When Jensen's mouth was around his nipple, licking, he just had to look down. Jensen was looking up to him as his pink tongue traced the nipple and licked the syrup there. Fuck. And the sensation and the look on Jensen's face, it all went straight up to Jared's erection and he was now gasping Jensen's name because he desperately needed a release. The boy moaned and started moving his hips, tongue still lapping the mess he had made on Jared's chest.  
  
"Jensen… Please. Need to be inside of you, now… Please."  
  
"Oh Jared, Jared, Jared…" Jensen lapped his collarbone and then went lower to lick his stomach, the obscene sound filling the room. "Always so eager, hmm? But I was just starting to like it… What if I made you wait a little longer… hmmm?" As he said that, Jensen rolled down his hips, enough to make Jared feel what he was missing, enough to make Jared bit his lower lip so he wouldn't come here and now.  
  
"Please… Jensen just…" It even hurt now to ask, because after all, Jared could just turn them around and do what he wanted. But no, he knew, looking into the green eyes, that he had to ask. He knew it. Jensen silenced him when he placed his index on Jared's mouth, it was still covered with syrup and Jared did his best not to give in and lick it, focusing on his breathing instead.  
  
"On one condition. You have to mean it, other wise he won't make any sense okay? Don't fuck me because you paid me, no. You need to make love to me because you want to, like this is a normal morning and I just made you breakfast. Like this is our life."  
  
And Jensen's voice might be empty as he asked that, but no doubt that particular look will haunt Jared for the rest of his life. Because as time was passing, their dream was shattered to pieces and in the end all they would have will be memories. And Jensen just needed to have this one. Jared didn't even talk or answer he just flipped them around in one quick move, pressing himself against the boy and kissing him hardly. Harder than ever in fact.  
  
Because Jared couldn't say I love you all over again, it wasn't a language the boy understood. What he could do was this, exactly his, giving it as hardly as he wanted it, his tongue invading Jensen's small mouth quickly and passionately, leaving him no time to breath and no time for hesitation.  
  
It was messy and uncoordinated, Jensen's small body was trembling too hard as Jared's hands were pressing down on him, Jared's skin still covered with syrup, Jensen moaning his name every time their lips weren't in contact. He sounded so desperate, like he was about to die or worse disappear if Jared didn't touch him.  
  
They couldn't stop moving, Jensen's hands were pulling his hair, then they were on his shoulders, tracing down the muscles; Jared's tongue was against his bottom lip, then on his collarbone and with he ragged breath he spread Jensen's leg opened, slipping between them. And he didn't have the patience to warn the boy or even ask, he pushed his pants down enough to free his cock and just like that, he thrusted inside of Jensen.  
  
Jensen opened his mouth to scream but no sound came out, those two beautiful and plushy lips formed a perfect « O » as the boy was holding on to Jared with everything he had, nails into the skin, mad green eyes staring into the hazel eyes. He found his voice back when Jared started pounding inside of him, low sounds escaping him, Jared's name among other things.  
  
There was no rhythm at all and there was nothing beautiful about it, Jared had Jensen pressed against the floor and was ramming into him with all the strength he had, hard and fast, hitting all the right spot every time, his cock sliding easily into Jensen's ass, stretching him so open Jared could actually feel him getting looser and looser around his cock.  
  
Jensen wrapped his small legs around Jared's waist and even dare pressed one hand against Jared's ass, urging him to go faster. Jared let escape a cry as he pushed further into the boy, Jensen's entire body shaking at the touch."Yes, yes, Jared… Yes…" And Jared didn't know who came first or if they both did at the exact same time, it had zero importance because in the end, Jensen's come was all over both of their stomachs and Jared was coming deep into the little boy's ass. He kept pushing in for a while, extracting more sound from Jensen, before he went still, chest moving fast as he tried to catch his breath.  
  
Jared opened his eyes he didn't even remember having close, to face Jensen's face, tears forming into his eyes. "Thank you." he breathed slowly. And just like that, Jared realized it was all over, Jensen would still considered himself owned, no matter what, and there was nothing Jared could do to change that. Too many damages had been done, it was simply too late, and Jared's love was just… Too simple for the boy to appreciate it.  
  
→  
  
"Jared?"  
  
Jared was so surprised to actually hear Jensen talk that he jumped a little, the boy chuckling softly. But he couldn't blame Jared, he had been dead silent since this morning, only nodding to Jared's questions. Nothing more, nothing less. They watched a movie, went for a last swim and all of that time, Jensen had been quiet, looking at Jared like he was truly sorry. Like this was all his fault.  
  
It wasn't.  
  
But here he was, standing in the doorway, as Jared was packing his stuff very slowly, part of him hoping they could stay here forever. But Jared stopped what he was doing as he turned to the boy, dreading the worse.  
  
"You know you have to take me back… right?"  
  
"Do you want to go back Jensen?" The boy closed his eyes for a moment, to open them again just so he could stare coldly at Jared. There it was, Jensen was gone, it was just Alastair's doll now.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You're lying."  
  
"Maybe. But you wanted an answer, here it is. Take me back. I'm not yours Jared, as nice as it was to pretend, I'm not yours, I never was."  
  
And Jared wished it didn't hurt that much. But it did. After doing so much efforts, after giving up everything just for Jensen, here they were, back to the start. Why? It was so unfair. Why did Jensen agree to all of this, why give him a glance if it was just to leave him with nothing in the end. It was cruel and Jared never thought Jensen was this way. No he had nothing. No god. No one to love. Was that the big conclusion?  
  
Standing up seemed painful right now and Jared sat down on the bed, doing his best to breath correctly. It felt like someone was pressing down his lungs, making breathing absolutely impossible. Maybe it was why they were calling it being heart broken. It was the natural process, just after falling in love. And thanks to Jensen, Jared did have all that, in a matter of days. And it was too quick, too unbearable.  
  
When Jared was able to face him again, the boy didn't move. "Was it all for nothing?" he asked slowly.  
  
"You did help Jared, trust me. But I can't stay with you."  
  
Jared could feel the tears coming up. The urge to scream. To break something. Even to beg Jensen but he didn't. He just stared at the cold empty face wondering how could a boy made him feel like this, Jensen had entirely destroyed everything in his world and even dare replace God himself in Jared's heart. Jared was shaking, gripping the sheet tight.  
  
"I'll go wait for you in the car… Okay?"  
  
Jared nodded and he watched as Jensen left the room. He closed his eyes and waited. Waited until he heard that the front door was closed, waited until he was alone in the house. And then he opened his eyes, stood up and cry, one hand covering his mouth, swallowing down the scream. That was all he could do right now. All he was allowed to do.  
  
→  
  
Going back felt weird. Like being awoken brutally after the sweetest dream. Jared didn't want to wake up. He didn't want to go back. But it wasn't like he had a choice anyway. The drive seemed too fast and he was too quiet. Jensen's eyes were focused on the road as if he was the one driving. Jared glanced at him from time to time, hoping to get something, but there was nothing.  
  
When they were finally into town, Jensen's foot started moving and he might have notice that at some point Jared was driving slower, way down the limit because a slight smirk crossed his face. However Jared couldn't stop the inevitable forever and they were finally back in the alley, Jared stopped the car. He expected Jensen to just climb off the car and leave without a word, but he didn't. He turned his head very slowly, staring at Jared.  
  
"I'm sorry." He leaned into Jared and kissed the corner of his mouth. Jared just had the time to close his eyes and he was gone, already opening the door, bag in hands. And as soon as he was outside, Jared started the engine and left, because he couldn't bear it. He just couldn't watch Jensen small figure disappear and go back to that place. He couldn't. Instead he drove to the church, only to find Chad waiting for him.  
  
And maybe it was written all over his face because Chad didn't make any comment at all, he just sighed and patted Jared's shoulder. No. Jared pushed him away and went inside. No this couldn't be the end. Not like that.  
  
→  
  
There was no mass this sunday and despite Chad's tentatives to get Jared to move, it was hopeless. He remained inside the church, curled on his bed, facing the pillow or watching the ceiling. Waiting for something to happen. If he was being honest with himself, Jared would know he was waiting for Jensen to come back. And he was replaying himself the few hours they had together. Trying to understand why. What did he do wrong? Why could Jensen couldn't become what he wanted.  
  
And after the first night of sleeping alone, Jared actually scared of the silence inside the church for the first time, he understood that Jensen wasn't coming back. Jensen wasn't an angel. Jensen was just human, just a perfect and wonderful mistake wrapped in a wonderful package. There was nothing left out there for Jared.  
  
He was wrong. Because one night, it was Chad's voice that woke him up.  
  
"Jared! JARED! Come on wake up man! You've got to come with me… You've got to…"  
  
Jared, who had jumped slightly when Chad had shaken him up, opened his eyes and put one hand in front of him, not used to all this light into his room.  
  
"Chad… what's going on?" he whispered.  
  
He rubbed one hand over his face then looked up to Chad's face. He looked… Panicked. He had clearly run on his way over there and Jared could see some tears in his eyes.  
  
"Chad. Tell me what's going on." repeated Jared, more firmly this time.  
  
"It's Jensen, I don't know what happened, but I heard my mum over the phone and the whole town knows and… Why don't you own a fucking cellphone Jared!" Chad was rambling and Jared couldn't care less, the only thing important in his sentence was Jensen. What happened? He seized Chad by the shoulder, trying to calm him.  
  
"Chad, breathe. What's going on with Jensen?"  
  
"I…" Chad took a deep breath. "He's in the hospital."  
  
Exactly two seconds passed. Precisely. Only two seconds for Jared to realize was Chad had just say and what he needed to do. He grabbed his car keys without even thinking twice and rushed outside. He didn't have shoes on, he didn't shower for days and his hair was a mess, but he didn't care. Jensen was hurt, Jensen was in danger and if Jensen was… No. Jared blocked that thought as he yelled for Chad to get inside the car.  
  
He drove faster than he ever did, breaking every law it was possible to break. He didn't even bother parking correctly, just stepping outside the car as he saw the hospital entrance. Inside, it was dead quiet. Not like in those movies were hospital were usually the place for chaos. No. Quiet.  
  
"I need to see someone, please." Jared said as he leaned against the desk, facing a nurse.  
  
"Sir, we are way over visit time and…"  
  
"Do you know who this is?" Chad was suddenly next to him. "This is Father Jared. He's here to see Jensen. Just let him pass already!"  
  
"Oh… Jensen. I'm sorry I have to say this but… He's not with us anymore. Doctors say it was just a matter of seconds... and... he left us."  
  
…  
Jared mind was blank. It heart was still beating, he was still standing but his mind was blank. Jensen was gone. Jensen. His little boy. His smile. The green eyes. Gone.  
  
"What exactly did happen?" Jared heard himself ask.  
  
"I shouldn't…" The nurse saw the look on Chad's face and had a sigh. "Must be in that place, we all know Jensen was one of the… Anyway, it was a bullet that killed him, right inside his head apparently. The boy didn't make it. I'm sorry."  
  
"I need to see him."  
  
"I can't…"  
  
"I NEED TO SEE HIM." yelled Jared, finally hit by the reality of the situation.  
  
"Okay just… follow me."  
  
And Jared seemed to be walking in a fog, he couldn't see, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't do anything. Until there was that moment and somebody pushed a door opened, opened one of those things you only saw in movie and here he was. Jensen. Eyes closed. Naked. Perfect, except for the hole he had in his forehead.  
  
Jared felt to his knees and grabbed Jensen's small hand, looking into those eyes that would never open themselves again. Jensen was gone. Too far gone. Too far asleep.  
And still. He was beautiful.  
  


→


End file.
